Season 1, Ep 33 - Spurt the Elder
Spurt the Elder
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date October 19, 2015
Episode no. S01E33
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Spurt the Elder the Foon Chronicler
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Evan Jacover
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Basecamp via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative
Episode chronology
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"Offices & Bosses" "Chunt for Red October"
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"Spurt the Elder" is the thirty-third episode of season one of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on October 19, 2015. This episode features the first appearance of Andy Carey as Spurt the Elder.


"Our guest this week is the greatest poet in all of Foon: Spurt the Elder. But apparently there’s another Spurt too? I don’t know. Foon is confusing."


Usidore wants to make it very clear that he is withholding some of his secret names to protect people around him from their power. Chunt gets upset that so much time was spent talking about Usidore before introducing him. Chunt is still dating the cockroach. On their latest date, they both got on top of his friend Pizza Skull and flew up into the sky. Chunt also invited her to work at Chu Chu's Chow. Usidore and Chunt also invite Arnie to work there as a door gnome.

Their guest is Spurt the Elder, the greatest chronicler of Foon of the current age. His adepts are currently writing odes to Chunt and his current girlfriend. He reads a lusty poem written for Titania Belaroth. They discuss the title of "Spurt" and the state of poetry in Foon. Chunt asks for a poem about the Chunt for Red October, and Spurt obliges. Chunt and Arnie are a little at odds still because Arnie doesn't seem to care about Chunt's event. Usidore brings some drinks as Spurt reads the poem, and they pour one out for poets that have come before them as they list them. Usidore requests a poem for flowers, and Chunt forces Arnie to try making a poem up on the spot, and he has trouble rhyming something with "chocolate" and "Snickers". After they read emails, Spurt reads one final poem. Arnie still can't rhyme "chocolate".


  • If Chunt has sex with a god or deity, will they turn into it? The answer is probably yes, but the god or deity might not have genitalia.
  • Someone thinks Arnie is actually a supplier of puppies. Arnie notices that he has not seen any puppies in Foon, and finds out why. Usidore threatens the person asking for puppies, and vows to protect puppies if any harm is planned for them. He will do this by devouring a full size ferret, and with that ferret's soul, casting a spell that will cause the ferret's soul to poison their brain.
  • If Chunt could only save one of Arnie or Usidore from a fire, who would it be? Both of them, but Usidore wouldn't need rescuing.
  • A listener really likes Chunt's catchphrase "aw yeah, bebbe".
  • Usidore shouts out to Billy Yum-Yum Two-By-Two.

Foon sponsor

Bungaree Chubbins tells us how his father decided on his death bed that he should run the family chamber pot business. It should have gone to his elder brother, Flarvin, but he's not sure why it didn't. Anyway, come on down and buy a chamber pot.

Earth references

  • Hurt Locker
  • Tupac
  • Method Man
  • The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
  • Beastie Boys
  • Wu-Tang Clan
  • De La Soul
  • Thestrals from Harry Potter

Behind the scenes

Spurt The Elder
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Ryan (Producer), Chunt, Usidore, Spurt the Elder, Arnie
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