|Chunt for Red October|
|Air Date: October 24, 2015||Episode Link|
|Previous Episode||Episode 34||Next Episode|
|Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore||Guests: Vampires Chip von Pierre and Bippy von Pierre|
|Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi|
|Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi||Theme Music: Andy Poland||Episode Art: Tyler Schmidt|
|Audio Assistance: Jason Knox|
|Sponsored by: MakeSpace via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative, eSportsPlus|
"The Chunt for Red October is finally here! What better way to celebrate than to interview a pair of vampires in need. At least I think they’re in need."
The Chunt For Red October is in full swing. Before we meet the guests, Usidore wants to know what a "Feline Zelig" is. Chunt reveals that he has found a piece of paper that shows one of Usidore's secret names: Biscuit Meniscus, which is how the bakers know him. The guests today are Chip and Bippy Von Pierre, a married couple. They are the needy vampires that inspired the Chunt for Red October. Because they are too busy with their personal activities, they don't have time to get the blood they need to survive. They are extremely wealthy, in the top 1% of vampires, and sadly cannot spend that money on blood because it would make them no longer wealthy. Chunt discovered them while going to see Smeg.
Not only are the vampire couple swingers, but as you might expect, they have also killed people (Bippy far more than Chip). Arnie turns down a chance to swing with the couple, but Usidore is not only making eyes with Bippy, they have also had dalliances before, and knows him as "honey bunny". This means that Usidore should have sex with Chip, as is custom. Chip then explains why he wears a wooden stake, and talks about Night Court, the court of the vampires. Just before the break, they admire the jars that Chunt has made to hold the blood: they are handcrafted from blown glass, infused with dragon scales so that they catch the light.
After the break, Usidore wants a taste of some of the blood, preferably that of a middle aged person. Luckily, Chunt happens to have some of Arnie's blood handy, fresh from punching Arnie in the nose while he was asleep. (This is how most of the blood for the drive is collected, making "Chunt For Red October" a play on the word "hunt".) Everyone does a shot of Arnie's blood, which is disgusting, and is aptly described as the Malört of Foon. Arnie suggests that it's because of all the chemicals in Earth food. We learn some more about the vampires' families as well as about vampire sex. Usidore saves Arnie's leftover blood for some kind of spell.
After they read emails, Usidore makes love to Bippy in honor of the Chunt for Red October.
Today's sponsor is Otok Barleyfoot. The free rumor of the week is that Blemish has opened a cat orphanage in the back alley behind The Vermilion Minotaur. On Sunday from 3 to 6, purchase one ale for another free rumor.
- Would Chunt be interested in a relationship with a human? Sure, just not Arnie.
- Will Arnie travel around more of Foon? Yes, he'll try to do more day quests.
- Why doesn't Usidore make Dale Sprinklesleeves part of his standard name? It is not well-known; there are far fewer wedding planners than, say, elves.
- Would Otok Barleyfoot want to go on a date? Unsure, just please don't email risque pictures; instead twot them to Usidore.
- A listener has a dream where they discover that the unwed mothers have a shrine to The Dark Lord in the basement of The Vermilion Minotaur. Usidore runs to see if there is in fact a shrine. He only found old signs for the tavern and some candles surrounding a pentagram, and Usidore isn't worried about it.