39 Can The Wizard
Can the Wizard
magictavern1.png?w=250
Air Date: November 23, 2015 Episode Link
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Hosts: Chunt, Usidore Guests: Can the Wizard
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Evan Jacover Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Sponsored by: Emporium Arcade Bar via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative

Description

"Chunt here! Arnie’s hung over so I’m hosting the podcast this week. Usidore’s wizard-friend Can is drinking at the Vermilion Minotaur today. Maybe he’ll chat with us."

Summary

Arnie is too sick to host the podcast today, so Chunt and Usidore are filling in as hosts. Chunt's gorgon friend is staying with him, which is awkward as he cannot look directly at her, and she leaves a lot of her snakes in the shower. While explaining the situation, they notice Can the Wizard in the tavern, and ask him to join them. He explains his mastery of time and space, which derives from his unique trait: he lives throughout the history of Foon; when Foon ends, he loops and continues living at the beginning of Foon. He has lived multiple times throughout history. Chunt gets upset when Can suggests that Chunt might marry a gorgon one day. As is common for Can, most of what he remember or pre-remember is fuzzy.

Can makes several statements which may or may not be accurate:

  • Out of Chunt, Usidore, and Carnival Wilson, Chunt will die first, Usidore second, and Carnival Wilson never dies
  • Spintax is the offspring of Usidore and Can (Can mysteriously remarks that this is "not necessarily canon")
  • It's possible a future version of Can may become The Dark Lord

He talks about his life in academia, especially his position as Headmaster at The Jizzleknob Preparatory School For Young Wizards. Usidore wants to go on more adventures with Can, but Can declines, saying that he is too old. However, he suggests that Usidore find a younger version of Can and go on an adventure with him. Can also reveals that he must eventually be killed before the number of his loops through history becomes excessive, creating too many Cans. Usidore says he can turn into a broomstick if he is very scared, and when Can scares him, he does so. Chunt decides to do a fun party trick and chops broomstick Usidore into several pieces, which all then become Usidore and talk in unison. (He will return to normal after a night's sleep.) Usidore then wonders if he can mess with the Smorps while he is in that state.

Emails

  • What adult beverages are in Foon? Chunt takes his ale with a little bit of raspberry; Can enjoys water with a little banana; Usidore likes a stout and sturdy mead, a hoppy ale, or a rainbow bowl; and Usidore's second favorite bartender (after Otok Barleyfoot) is Telacia Porntain from Scrr.
  • A listener asks some "would you rather" questions:
    • Would Chunt rather be able to instantly transform into anything he wants, but only have one butthole; or would he rather stay a badger but be able to adjust the number of buttholes? Easy, he chooses buttholes.
    • Would Usidore rather make Spintax the Green his servant for life but lose all his magical properties; or have Titania Belaroth to himself for one day but lose all of his titles and have to introduce himself as simply "Usidore"? Usidore interprets "properties" as meaning real estate, so he chooses that one.
    • Would Arnie rather leave Foon, knowing that doing so would destroy every living creature; or stay in Foon and forsake home? Can answers in place of Arnie, pointing out that he will one day have to die to save Foon from too many Cans.

Foon Sponsor

Today's sponsor is a repeat of Bungaree Chubbins Chamber Pots from 30 The Midwife.

Additional Appearances

Earth References

Harry Potter series

Notes

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