41 Skeleton
Skeleton
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Air Date: December 14, 2015 Episode Link
Previous Episode Episode 41 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore Guests: Clacks/Clax
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Sponsored by: Basecamp via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative

Description

"I learn about dungeons from an actual dungeon-guarding skeleton. Nice guy!"

Summary

Craig opens the show and it sounds like he assumes the Mysterious Man is dead.

Usidore (Arnie has not thought of new ways to interrupt his name) tells us that Jyn'Leeviyah has now been the victim of a trick by Usidore: he appeared to her as a centaur, seduced her and made her fall in love, and then on their wedding night, and just before consummating the marriage, slipped out of the room and left her a basket of muffins. Arnie is worried that people don't like him, and Chunt suggest that maybe Arnie go to a Chunt's Night or maybe not make fun of everyone. Usidore gives him a rock that will transmute good thoughts from listeners.

Today's guest is Clax, a skeleton who was known in life as Leo Housemartin, who ran a reupholstery store called Housemartin's Reupholstery. Usidore and Chunt recognize him from his bone structure. Clax tells us about his demise. Chunt offers him a drink, but that is actually rude to ask skeletons that. He works in a dungeon as the first level of defense, as it is very common in Foon for the elderly to take jobs as greeters. His job is never lethal, as he is meant to be a discomfort and a confidence builder. In fact, his job is so lax, no one will really notice that he's gone while he's on the podcast. Clax lets us know some more about skeletons and the process of becoming a skeleton. He's also concerned that skeletons don't get as much press in the undead union as vampires or werewolves; Chunt suggests it's because skeletons don't have any special powers.

After the break, Clax tells us he's not sure how his name is spelled because he hasn't had to write it. In fact, there isn't much conversation in the dungeon because there isn't much news in the dungeon as no one has been in the inner realms for hundreds of years. He then reveals the existence of the Lunar Sword in the center of the dungeon. Usidore has been to the dungeon, but gives up before he can get very far, and apologizes to Clax for knocking his head off. It's possible that Clax was not reanimated by any evil force, but just an apprentice wizard or witch getting some practice. (He tries out the spell, and Clax feels a little extra pep.) Clax hums a little bit of the song The Traveller, a classic old song, and it reminds him that he wants to travel more. He will be going to the Northern Shores on vacation soon. He used to love to read, but isn't sure he can anymore.

Usidore lets Arnie know that the Lunar Sword would be very effective in fighting the Dark Lord, and they try get Clax to get them to help him. He says he couldn't help them really beat anyone in the dungeon, but he could get them information about it, down to about the 6th or 7th level. Any further than that, and there would likely be a creature too intelligent to fool. He does give them an inside tip, however: the Lunar Sword cannot be defeated in the presence of any source of light. Chunt and Usidore share some dungeon experience: Chunt likes to make up names like Sink and go to Parkway East Dungeon; Usidore enjoys fighting a horrible beast monster, making a stand while telling the rest of the party to flee, dying, and then coming back a slightly different shade of blue. Clax invites them to his dungeon, and Arnie considers dipping his toe into dungeoning. Usidore says it would make him more likeable and suggests getting him some starter equipment. Arnie gets extra ambitious and makes a pledge to get the Lunar Sword itself.

After the emails, Clax lets us know that he is actually gay. He also lets us know that he was in fact offended by some of the skeleton comments earlier in the program, and they all apologize. Chunt knocks his head off.

Craig asks listeners to send him ideas on how to get back to Earth. It turns out the Mysterious Man is alive after all. Craig has not been able to find a kitchen and has been living off the Reeses Pieces.

Foon Sponsor

Today's sponsor is The Vermilion Minotaur. Otok Barleyfoot gives us the rumor of the week: It seems Clevon Littlebird has donned the Cloak of Mourning.

Emails

  • If a shapeshifter is the child of a manticore and a hunger ghost, what would Chunt's children be? Unknown territory.
  • A listener suggests that Arnie set up an Instagram account, and Arnie explains that uploading pictures takes too long.
  • Dave Martinez writes again from the Netherlands, saying that the Dutch phrase "zoonen hoogstangjies" means "kissing feats of excellence", but in Dwarven it means "scraper of the bottom of the river". Usidore tells us about his story of kissing dwarf feet.
  • A listener stared into darkest part of their lovers eyes and wished, their wish came true and it was hot, and thanks Usidore for this. You're welcome.
  • What clothes are Arnie wearing? Does he wear the same outfit all the time, has he bought new clothes? There was dirty laundry in his car, and he wears that, but he sometimes has to wear rags. Usidore and Chunt had assumed the rags were simply Earth clothes, but it turns out Arnie was too proud to ask.

Foon Sponsor

Additional Appearances

Earth References

Notes

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