44 Arnor The Warrior
Arnor the Warrior
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Air Date: January 11, 2016 Episode Link
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Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore Guests: Arnor The Warrior
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Evan Jacover Theme Music: Andy Poland Episode Art: Kevin Budnik
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Sponsored by: Cards Against Humanity via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative

Description

"We’re joined by Arnor, the greatest warrior in all of Foon! People have been comparing us a lot since our names are so similar. I bet he’ll get a kick out of that."

Summary

Arnie attempts to keep his promise to run away while Usidore is saying his full name, but Usidore casts a spell ("rebellious boundus") that forces him to stay in his chair. Arnie is concerned about Chunt's feelings after his girlfriend, the roach, died. Chunt requests that Arnie simply attend a Chunt's Night. And perform at one. Arnie says he'll go, and Usidore makes him sign a magical contract, in Arnie's own blood, to attend a Chunt's Night.

Today's guest is a huge celebrity: Arnor the Warrior. He's heard that there's a man with a name shorter than his, referring, of course, to Arnie. In order to shorten your name on Foon, you must complete great feats, and so Arnie must now have performed twice as many feats as Arnor in order to use the name "Arnie". Apparently, Arnor was in the middle of completing his 39th feat (hunting the Wild Boar of McShingleshane Forest) when he heard some woodsmen talking about Arnie's podcast. He's here to ruin Arnie for using his name without completing any feats. But first, Arnie wants to know all about Arnor.

We learn that Arnor is the son of The Sky God, Bruce and Queen Titania, but grew up outside of the Queen's palace. We find out about many of Arnor's feats, and Chunt uses the opportunity to get a signature from Arnor on the Arnor t-shirt that his dad bought him when he was young. Arnor tells us about his biological father, who is a large part of the Vwishtash season. Arnor then turns his attention back to Arnie, and presses him to list any feats he's accomplished. Arnie lists having travelled between dimensions, and having a daughter. They debate whether or not simply having sex is a feat.

After the break, Arnor insists that Arnie re-lengthen his name to Arnold permanently. Usidore asks Arnor to help him in his quest to defeat the Dark Lord, and Arnor agrees, but says it will have to wait until his 39th feat is accomplished. It seems like Arnor might be brushing Usidore off, as Usidore already asked him around his 37th quest. They discuss more about feats: Arnor has to world record in feats, Usidore has completed four, and Arnie's defeat of the Soul Walker legitimately counts as a feat, as Arnor is actually impressed. After Arnor brags about his sexual prowess, Arnie asks if he has any kids, which is an unwittingly insensitive question. Arnor is infertile and cannot have children due to a battle injury. Usidore calls for a peace between the two because he feels he needs both Arnor and Arnie to defeat the Dark Lord. Arnie asks for a six month extension before Arnor rips his head off to try and double Arnor's list of feats. Arnor agrees, and Usidore pulls out a magical extension form to make it formal.

Foon Sponsor

Today's sponsor is Otok Barleyfoot of the Vermilion Minotaur. The rumor of the week is: Galvin Dildohammer, the dwarven bottler, is currently setting sail for Migas with a woman who is not his by-law wife.

Emails

  • A listener implores Chunt to "stop being such a a bitch" to Arnie. She also is interested in dating Arnie as she is a self-proclaimed "chubby chaser". Arnie has to explain what a "chubby chaser" is, and Chunt takes the listener's suggestion to heart.
  • A listener asks Chunt what the worst part of living with Arnie ("that freeloader") was. In the spirit of the last email, Chunt refuses to buy into the premise of the email and says he enjoyed living with Arnie, and he is welcome to return as long as he promises to clean up after himself and pay rent.
  • A listener points out that Arnie hates it when Usidore calls him "Arnold", yet interrupts and mocks Usidore's name all the time. They suggest that Usidore and Arnie both agree to quit these behaviors. Usidore and Arnie agree, and Usidore pulls out a magical contract he's had prepared for months for this very occasion.
  • Arnie's brother-in-law says it was nice to see Arnie at Thanksgiving, which astounds Arnie seeing as he was obviously trapped on Foon during Thanksgiving on Earth. His brother-in-law also mentions that Arnie's "fitness regiment" is paying off, and that he is relived that the podcast is not, in fact, real. Usidore suggests that a doppleganger is taking his place, and Chunt suggests that a memory gremlin might have gotten through the portal. Arnie desperately asks his brother to email him again, reiterating that the podcast is real.

Date

This episode notably is stated as taking place on January 3rd in the Foonish calendar.

Additional Appearances

Earth References

Notes

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