51 Baron Ragoon
Baron Ragoon
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Air Date: February 29, 2016 Episode Link
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Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore Guests: Baron Ragoon
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Sponsored by: Inventables via The Chicago Podcast Cooperative

Description

"This week I meet my first Foonish baron. Also my first baron!"

Summary

Arnie starts off the podcast trying to introduce Usidore (including all of his names), unsuccessfully. Then he tries to introduce Chunt…terribly. First World Problems? Yeah…Earth has them. In plentitude.

Usidore is courting Jyn’Leeviyah again. Usidore was looking in his magic mirror and Jyn said “U up?” Chunt asks if she said “Do you want to Magic Box and Chill?” which he apparently gets asked a lot. Usidore doesn’t want to label what he and Jyn are.

Arnie has been working really hard to get the Lunar Sword. Arnie wants to know if he can upgrade his shitty armor for some health potion. Chunt offers to help Arnie with his quest to get the Lunar Sword, and Usidore offers as well. DUNGEON FIGHT!

The guest is Baron Ragoon. Steward of the Shrike Valley. The Ragoon family has had some rough times. When Queen Elsanore passed away, the whole kingdom fell. Her heirs are trapped sleeping in a hedge maze. As Baron, he has tried to get folks back on their feet. But he’s been a leader since he was 7 years old. He saw his parents devoured by Smorps. Also, there is nothing stopping Usidore from having soup in his butt.

Baron’s vision is to have up to 200 men at arms by the end of the year. And to not have kids get kidnapped. Until they are of age. Then they will join the Baron’s men.

Chunt wants to be a crab and join the Baron so that he can be…wait for it… Crab Ragoon. (The sound you’re hearing is my brain weeping).

The boys figure out that the Baron may be loyal to the Dark Lord.

They have a talking donkey in Skrike, Old Billy.

Hypothetical: Dark Lord is strolling down the street and Baron sees him putting out a hand for a high seven, what would Baron do? Answer: Go all fanboy.

Rumor of the week: Chu Chu's Chow is linked to a horrible stomach virus from serving rancid futnuts.

Usidore is clearly upset that Baron is pro-Dark Lord and storms out.

Baron heard nothing but bad things as a kid about the Dark Lord, and was in a dark place in his life, but he opened up his heart to the Dark Lord and it was transformative.

Chunt says that Old Billy used to tell him “In the morning, I’m making waffles.”

When Baron turned 17, he took the servants that had been raising him and locked them in the dungeon. Then found himself a wife by killing her sweetheart and bringing her to the castle. She hated him but after years of marriage she likes him more now. She has opened her heart to the Dark Lord, they regularly feel His presence in the marriage bed.

Usidore tells Chunt to keep Baron busy while he and Arnie plot to gain some information from him. Chunt tries to teach him to juggle.
Baron has 4 kids, and 6 more bastard children. Boysenberries are Baron’s weakness. The Dark Lord cannot tip his hand.

Chu Chu's Chow is open Tuesday evening.

Baron wants to build a kingdom on Earth??? (oops) Then oversee the end of days under their Lord and Destroyer the Dark Lord.
Arnie says that Baron took his wife Ragoo and made her Prego.

Baron asks about the proprietor behind the bar (Blemish), and goes off to talk to him. Baron comes back and buys everyone a round. But Arnie kicks him out after Tavern Takeaways.

Emails

Lucas Laprotosa has several questions for each of the hosts:

To Usidore- You said the Dark Lord was a wizard that you met, but didn’t go into too much detail, maybe there is a more complex background that he hasn’t spoken of. Maybe they were best friends and when he turned to the dark side you were left with Spintax, explain.

Answer: Not right, thanks for guessing. Met him at events/parties and used to be in a wizard order.

To Chunt - His theory is that Chunt was born with some distinguished features that get translated when he changes shape, so if he and Arnie ever had sex, Chunt should change into the human version of himself, not a clone of Arnie, right?

Answer: Yeah, he would still have his distinguishing features.

To Arnie - If you could figure out a way to use the portal, would you go back to earth or find a way to bring Sarah and your daughter back to Foon.

Answer: He would bring Usidore and Chunt to Earth. Usidore would go to the Bo Derrick Universe. Chunt would go to the Wild West universe and crash at Arnie’s place. But really, TBD. Chunt explains TBD means Total Big Dick in Foon.

Hi Arnie, do you want me to recap any earth shows that he’s missed?

Answer: yes, survivor, GoT, Better call Saul. What happened in season one and two of Extant.

Tavern Takeaway

  • Usidore recommends listeners visit the town of Winterdale, where they can view a Heavens' Mouth, and watch Angels visit Foon.
  • Chunt recommends Chu Chu's Chow Rainbowls, which are Rainbow Bowls in small shot form, served on fire.
  • Baron Ragoon recommends clearing out five acres of timber to build a Goblin Barracks, a Sword Rookery, and a stock of axe handles.
  • Arnie recommends the book The Devil in the White City.

Foon Sponsor

Additional Appearances

Blemish

Earth References

Arnie quoted some lyrics from "The Story of Tonight" from the Broadway musical Hamilton even though he left Earth before it opened and did not recognize a reference to it in Earth Stuff.
Shrek
Empire Strikes Back

Notes

Kern doesn’t know how to ask Tricia 8049 out. Tricia asks Kern to a dinner date (inadvertently).

Behind the Scenes

Baron Ragoon, Arnie, Usidore, Chunt
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