58 Keeper of the Doom Horn
Keeper of the Doom Horn
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Air Date: April 18, 2016 Episode Link
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Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore Guests: Melchoir, Keeper of the Doom Horn
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Additional Sound Effects: Jason Knox

Description

"We chat with Melchoir, The Keeper of the Doom Horn that Blows at World’s End. Really hoping he doesn’t blow it."

Summary

Chunt starts off the podcast announcing that he wants to be known as Badger Me Fingies. Usidore explains what a colloquialism is. And Arnie still doesn’t know how knock-knock jokes work in Foon.

Usidore comes up with a glowing vial of white liquid – a potion to potentially save Chunt’s life. But when he drinks it, Chunt can now see into infinity, because the potion was mostly made of pupils.

Arnie introduces this week’s guest: Melchior, Keeper of the Doom Horn that sounds at world’s end. The horn calls all the forces of ambivalence, good, and evil when the world is about to end so they can fight for the soul of Foon.

Melchior explains that Foo gave him the job after putting out an ad on Smeg’s list, but it was sort of bogus, because she first asked for 3-5 years of experience. Who has that?

Usidore wants to know if Melchior practices on the Doom Horn. Melchior CANNOT practice ahead of time. He states that if he blew it too early, people will just be confused because the world wouldn’t actually be ending.

Arnie wants to know what his typical day is like, and Chunt mentions cleaning the spit valve. His mom walked in on him polishing his doom horn once.

One of the perks of being Keeper of the Doom Horn is being immortal. He states that if he gets fired, he won’t just immediately die, but just live out his life from that time.

Usidore, of course, asks him to join his quest. Melchior passes, because he doesn’t want to choose sides due to the kind of job he has. He wants to stay neutral in his blow job.

Arnie asks about what the end of Foon would actually entail. He’s hoping good would prevail into an era of peace and prosperity, but Melchior says that he doesn’t make the rules, he just blows the horn when Foon ends and that’s it. Maybe there will be another world?

Chunt is looking forward to the world ending, if it means Can the Wizard is gone. Arnie hears he’s a cool guy.

Melchior informs us that some of the wizards stop by occasionally, to see whether the world is ending or not. Arnie wants to know where we are with regards to Foon ending. Melchior states Foon won’t end within the next 50 years at least.
Melchior sells pictures of his horn in books (hornography), and Chunt requests one as one of his many dying wishes. Chunt asks Melchior to wear a ribbon to bring awareness of curses (it’s brown and shaped like a butthole). Arnie tries to exploit Melchior’s book as child hornography.

Usidore breaks the tension by asking Melchior if he is married. He was, but he is no longer.

Melchior has a side job blowing the Kazoo at the end of your life. He offers to give Chunt a Kazoo job, Arnie tries to get him to play a banjo instead (you know, a hand job).

There are other instruments he plays:
-Violin of a bad meal
-Harp of the unknown
-Possibly a cello?

At the end of the show, Arnie suddenly notices that Melchior is wearing a cape as red as blood and Arnie asks if he can have it. Melchior agrees on the condition that Arnie give him his first-born child, but since Arnie can’t even get to his child, he negotiates for a Bitch’s Brew instead.

E-mails

From Patrick Doh – What is the ingredient of a rainbow bowl?

Answer: Collect the mist from a bog, gather it slowly, PUT IT THROUGH A PRISM, then pour it into a bowl and cast a hex on it (indiscernible hex), then it will let you see through time.

From Brant – Has Chunt been infected by rabies? Because he seems like an ass and is mean to Arnie.

Answer: Chunt growls…just kidding! Usidore has checked, he doesn’t.

From Richard Lewis – Arnie drinks out of a stein made from a person that pissed Usidore off and he wants to know which body part makes up the rim.

Answer: You guessed it. His anus.

From Ted Cart - Does anyone accidentally summon Usidore?

Answer: Of course! People randomly do a series of things and summons him all the time!

Foon Sponsor

Additional Appearances

Earth References

Dinah Blow Your Horn
Hi-C
Sunny-D
Capri Sun
Hawaiian Punch
Hill Valley
Sweet Valley High
MLG airhorn
Prison wine
Three men and a little baby
Inception

Notes

Behind the Scenes

Usidore, Chunt, Arnie, Melchior
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