69 Halfling Bards
Ooze
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Air Date: June 27, 2016 Episode Link
Previous Episode Episode 69 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Chunt, Usidore Guests: The Bards nymbee and Grundle
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Chris Rathjen Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox, Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz
Sponsored by: Cards Against Humanity and Loot Crate

Description

"As a special treat for Chunt, I’ve paid for Foon’s biggest band to make an appearance."

Summary

Someone has given Chunt a box of Final Fantasy XII potions. Potion Night! Chunt tries it and is pretty sure it’s cologne. Blech. Chunt thinks he’s cursed again. Red is a health potion, but Arnie wants to know what blue potion is for. Usidore says it restores magic power. Chunt heard in middle school that yellow potion makes your dick smaller.

While the guys discuss Arnie’s actual level of accountability for what happened to King Albain, Arnie says he has a surprise for them: the Bards nymbee and Grundel are here!

The guys start full-out fangirling over the duo and Grundel asks for their gold for the gig. The band is egregiously pretentious and greedy to boot.

At Foonapalooza, they always play “Last Rite” before the changling child is taken away.

They broke up 18 times, but one of the times didn’t count because one of them was asleep. They are halflings!

They play a bit of “The Lightning that Did End Ethren” based on an old fable where thunder came out of the ground, back up to the sky, and back down to the town of Ethren.

Chunt requests “Graveyard Love”, which is based on Grundel’s 8th wife. They ask Chunt to start them off, and he talk-sings the first chorus.

Leguminati – they control the beans in the land.

Fluminati – in charge of log rides.

Alchemical Counsel – part of the Tri-Lateral Consortium.

“Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room.”

They sing “Half and Half” which explains their backstory. They hate playing it, but they do for Chunt.

Chunt asks them to make a jingle for Chu Chu’s Chow. They start singing, but Arnie cuts them off when they start to sing “No Jews allowed”.

They really do not like Usidore and Chunt reminds them of one of their songs, “Wizards suck”.

Arnie requests a song that includes a unicorn, a goblin, a leprechaun and zero Jews, but they failed to not bring up Jews.

Arnie asks them if they are working on any songs and if they can share one. They start singing about King Albain and how if they find out who was responsible for his death, they would do crazy things like beat them with their own arms and violate their corpse. They end the song and Chunt yells out “Arnie did it! Arnie did it!” Arnie panics, but Chunt finishes his statement by saying “Arnie did it! Arnie made my dreams come true!” and Arnie breathes a sigh of relief.

The band plays them out with a song about a wall, which ends up causing them to sing-fight at each other.

Emails

Ben Lamers - What is the height requirement to be considered a giant? Is there a game similar to basketball?

Answer: Yes, Foon has basketball. Giants are a race, and if Chunt were to stand on top of Arnie’s head, he would be considered a giant.

Greg – Final Fantasy VII potions!

Someone sent Chunt a better stick arm (back scratcher).

Haley Farworth – Care package for Chunt containing Earth candies with Snickers, M&Ms, etc.

Steven – Wishes he could send them a playstation for Chunt and Usidore to see what Arnie used to do at Jackbox Games before falling through the portal, but the playstation could not fit through the portal. Would they mind if he used some rendered child fat to fit it through?

Answer: Usidore says STOP MURDERING CHILDREN.

Foon Sponsor

Additional Appearances

Blemish

Earth References

Notes

Behind the Scenes

Arnie, Usidore, nymbee, Grundle, Chunt
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