Season 1, Ep 70 – Goblin Queen
Goblin Queen
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date July 11, 2016
Episode no. S01E70
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Fibro Myalgia, the Goblin Queen
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Ryan DiGiorgi
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Cards Against Humanity
Episode chronology
← Previous Next →
"Halfling Bards" "Two Headed Conjoined Fairy Princess"
List of episodes

"Goblin Queen" is the seventieth episode of season one of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on July 11, 2016. This episode features Kelsey Kinney as Fibro Myalgia, the Goblin Queen.


"It's goblin day at the Minotaur again and we're joined by the Goblin Queen herself! She's very approachable!"


Arnie asks Chunt to do the intro, and he’s having a bit of a problem. He’s a little hungover and he was out with his Insane Crown Posse.

Usidore takes a stab at doing the intro, and just like most of his speeches, it’s a bit long-winded. Usidore says that he bought a bed and breakfast for a weekend with Jyn'Leeviyah. Unfortunately, he was duped and spent the weekend with a rack of ribs instead.

Arnie has been trying to get the Lunar Sword and is getting stuck by the stalactites.

Their guest this week is the queen of the goblins, Fibro Myalgia. She invented the phrase "I give zero fucks".

Usidore asks if she can broker some peace between goblins and elves. She wishes to do so, but she says elves are uppity. He says that he will take word back to the king of the elves, Hel'llacan'th'ethnth.

The crown was supposed to go to her sister, Encephaly, but when they put the crown on her head, her head caved in. She died, but goblins can be brought back to life, so they did. Then Fibro took over as the queen. However, she wishes she was a school teacher, because she loves kids (loves eating them).

The Graunch lives in Foon, who is green and covered in hair, with a pea sized heart. Fibro’s into that.

Usidore brings some pork shanks to the table and he suddenly is a little down because they remind him of Jyn'Leeviyah.

Fibro is open to looking for the possibility of finding love. Her perfect date includes a lot of torture, and then having very loud sex so her parents can hear it.

In the goblin court, the crown is not passed down from parents to children, but from aunts and uncles to their nieces or nephews.

Usidore asks Fibro if she would ever consider marrying outside of the goblin realm to form an alliance with another kingdom. She has thought about it, but she finds it difficult to let people in her cave (which is not a metaphor for her vagina).

Usidore gives her a rock of confidence. She takes it and suddenly feels much more confident. Usidore tells Arnie the rock is BS, but Fibro really takes the rock to heart and suddenly proclaims that she is going to overthrow the throne. Usidore tries to take it back, but she isn’t falling for it.

Foon sponsor

Alabaster Camerdan's adult coffins.

Earth references

Behind the scenes

Goblin Queen
Image Unavailable
Arnie, Queen Fibro Myalgia, Usidore, Chunt
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License