83 Tree
Air Date: October 17, 2016 Episode Link
Previous Episode Episode 83 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Chunt Guest Host: Pizza Skull Guests: The tree Caball’on Valentin
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Evan Jacover Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz
Sponsored by: Cards Against Humanity


"We need some cheering up so we’re having Pizza Skull sit-in as a temporary co-host. Also, our guest is a talking tree."


As Arnie begins the episode with his usual Arn-splaining, Chunt interrupts him, saying "There's no point." The two are still mourning Usidore, who died last episode. Chunt still holds out hope that Usidore isn't really dead. Arnie blames himself because he invited Simon Lemmington Bartholomew, the Monster Hunter who killed Usidore, to the podcast last week. Arnie and Chunt spent all week in between episodes trying to track the monster hunter down, and Arnie actually went to the library to research the stone that trapped Usidore's soul. Chunt also started looking into dark magic to try and bring Usidore back.

Pizza Skull makes his appearance, and reveals that he, like Usidore, has previously died. When Pizza Skull died in a pizza-related accident, he went to Pizza Hell and came up with the Seven Great Pizza Challenges to return to Foon as the Champion of Pizza. Pizza Skull then produces fresh pizza out of his orifaces for Arnie and Chunt to enjoy.

Trying to get back to routine, Arnie introduces this week's guest, Caball’on Valentin, a tree from the forest of the fourth realm of Two Moons. Once a year in the Land of Two Moons when both moons are full, they hold a passionate festival to give thanks to the moons who help out when the sun is away. Caball’on explains that he eats water and sun, and asks Chunt what his favorite food is. Chunt's favorite food is his mom's spiced potatoes. Caball’on has no mom, and Pizza Skull asks how he is moving around. Caball’on reveals that trees can move when they want to.

Caball’on came to the tavern tonight because he heard of Usidore's passing and wishes to offer his support. He explains that every winter he dies, and in the springtime he comes back to life. He hopes that is it like that for Usidore as well, suggesting that Usidore is having his winter right now and may soon have a spring.

Caball’on bears fresh nectarines, and Arnie explains that he has never eaten one. Caball’on explains that as his people grow older, their nectarines grow harder into a nut and their leaves turn deep purple. Chunt asks the difference between a nectarine and a tangerine. A nectarine has no fruit, and a tangerine has fruit. Arnie explains that he has never eaten a tangerine either, due to a "rine"-al problem. Caball’on tells Arnie that he would make a good tree, and imagines birds landing on his arms like branches. Remembering that Usidore loved birds, Caball’on explains that he does not like birds, but he does like squirrels.

Pizza Skull asks Caball’on about how he helps people fall in love again. Caball’on explains that if you take his leaves, boil them in the water of the first rain of spring and drink the tea that it makes, the passion reignites and the people fall in love again. Caball’on asks if Arnie has love in his heart, who says that he does. Caball’on once loved a woodpecker named Pam, but she left him for another woodpecker.

During the break, Tannakin the Terrible puts an ad out to ask if anyone knows how to bury a large body. If you can help, she can be found behind the tavern, digging a hole and rubbing herself in dirt.

When the podcast returns, Arnie takes Chunt aside to discuss whether they should keep Pizza Skull on the podcast. During this brief discussion, Pizza Skull uses one of Caball’on's branches as a skateboard. Chunt thinks that Pizza Skull should stay, as they need someone happy on the podcast.

Caball’on talks about how he is a very giving tree, and Arnie finds it sad that that you could give so much of yourself until you are gone. Chunt admires how philosophical Caball’on is, and Arnie asks if he is a standard tree. Caball’on explains that trees are like snowflakes and can trees live for so long and be very different. Trees can't know how old they are because they can't cut themselves open and count the rings, though Caball’on estimates that he is 45,000 rings old. Some trees are cutters who do fall in the woods and they do make a sound, and Pizza Skull sometimes hears little trees lumberjacking off.

Pizza Skull asks for one of the mushrooms growing near Caball'on's feet, and reveals that he is 50% Skull and 50% Pizza. Chunt asks if Caball'on, in his many years, has ever seen something die and come back. Caball'on explains that the moon died once. 20,000 rings ago, one of the moons disappeared and came back many rings later. Arnie speculates about the second moon, because he has never seen it in Hogsface. Arnie becomes skeptical about Caball'on's philosophical ways, and Pizza Skull reveals that the second moon is not a moon, but a space station, and leaves. Arnie vows to try to get Pizza Skull back on the podcast to ask him about the space station.

Arnie decides it is time to do some emails, so Chunt begins.

From Carl Strength: Does Arnie really look like the picture on the tshirt? Tell him that he looks like the love child of Bob Vila and Guy Fieri.
Answer: You can now buy Arnie "I don't want to talk about Earth stuff" t-shirts in either salmon or blue, and Arnie does not look like those people.

From Nick Waddle: There was an episode of This American Life entitled Becoming a Badger. They were disappointed that it was about some comedian and some dog.

Chunt asks Arnie what This American Life is, and Arnie explains that it talks about stories from people's lives. Chunt wants to start a podcast called This Foon Life.

From Benjamin Sin: He wants to give a shoutout to the Mysterious Man, Craig, and Trisha for their work saving reality.

Arnie and Chunt are clueless about the meaning of the email, and come to the conclusion that Benjamin had intended to send the email to This American Life or Ira Glass and had made a mistake. There is a brief discussion about this seemingly fragile, glass man, and how Arnie wants to hear him say "Chunt".

Additional Appearances

Earth References

Behind the Scenes

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Arnie, Caball'on, Pizza Skill, Chunt
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