94 Sarah for Real
Sarah for Real
Air Date: January 9, 2017 Episode Link
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Hosts: Sarah, Usidore, Chunt Guests: Can the Wizard
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Chris Rathjen Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz

Sponsored by: Squarespace


"My name is Sarah Maher. And I’m trapped in the magical land of Foon. But I’m continuing this podcast with Chunt and Usidore."


The episode opens with Sarah, displaced from Usidore’s spell from last week’s episode, delivering the intro. Chunt asks Sarah if she’d heard of the show before suddenly appearing in Foon. She’s remarks that she’s “not a podcast person,” which is really the only way you’d know about these things. Chunt then proceeds to ask her about some Earth Stuff, which she happily explains, because she loves talking about Earth Stuff. Her explanation, however, is interrupted by Usidore’s introduction. After a brief diversion, Sarah brings the group into focus, outlining her plan to use the audio equipment to send a podcast back to Earth so someone can find her. Upon hearing that this was Arnie’s initial plan before getting sidetracked, Sarah explains that he’s easily distracted.

The pair comment upon how active Sarah’s been in the week since she was transported to Foon: completing quests and exploring the town, including becoming an expert swordsman and already reaching level 40 in the dungeon after asking Clax to join her. Sarah brings the podcast back on track by introducing their guest, who she thinks can help her get back to Earth: Can the Wizard. Chunt and Usidore both react in disgust to his introduction. Usidore explains that Can has no reason to be here, because he could easily undo the spell that swapped Arnie and Sarah’s places on Foon and Earth (due to them being attracted to each other’s “netherspheres”), but fears that it’s too dangerous. Despite their protests, Sarah convinces them to hear Can out.

Chunt proposes a test to see if Can is worth his salt by producing a humor spell and a dramatic spell for his “audition”, which Can fumbles through in his usual way: forgetful, long-winded, laughing at his own humor spell before he can cast it, eventually juggling while commenting on how well he’s juggling. Upon starting to remark on Chunt’s future, Sarah asks if time is circular, which jump-starts Can’s explanation of time, which Sarah immediately regrets. Can then casts his dramatic spell, which makes everyone cry (Usidore clarifies that he wasn’t crying because of the spell, he was crying because it was terrible.)

Once again, Sarah brings the group back to focus on their goal: getting her back to Earth. Can explains that he remembers her being in Foon, but isn’t sure if he’s remembering this time or if Sarah is in Foon for longer. He asks if she would like to be sent forward in time, to the future of Foon. When she follows up by asking if she can bring Chunt and Usidore along, he remarks on his distaste for them, which causes Sarah to defend them and her love for “fallible creatures.” This launches a conversation on the group’s past and future failures, the latter of the which Can alludes to two: that Usidore’s hands will be burned off by the Neverdoor, and that Sarah will fail in becoming a hip-hop dancer (though she counters this by saying that, if she got the joy out of the dancing, she can’t fail.)

After the break, Sarah tells the group about how she met a starling on her morning run, who confessed a crush on Usidore. Moved by Sarah’s kindness to hear out the starling, Usidore pledges to make some peace with them. Once more, they focus up on getting Sarah back to Earth: Chunt proposes that he can get on all fours and help prop Sarah up to try to reach the dimensional portal, Usidore explains he could break the bond from the nethersphere that swapped Sarah and Arnie’s places on Earth and Foon, but there would be a chance that their memories would be “swiss-cheesed,” and that she would only be able to recall bits and pieces of her time on Foon (though Usidore would still be able to appear to her as an astral projection.) Can advises against Usidore’s spell because of how dangerous it is.

Sarah asks Can what he might be able to do: he suggests (through a complicated theory that other dimensions might just be universes within the same space) that he could shoot her up into space, which might get her back to Earth. Of course, nothing’s ever come back from space, so no one’s quite sure if it’ll actually work at all. Sarah expresses understandable concern at the idea. Due to a miscommunication, however, Can accidentally starts the spell anyway.

He’s only able to extend the countdown, not stop it, so with the extra time, they read some emails. The first one is from Roweter (?), who asks Usidore: what happened to the wizard state? Usidore explains that he still uses the wizard state, but the podcast is just one half-hour of his week, so it’s just at different times.

The second email is from Sandy Marshall, who asks Arnie (who’s not here): does Foon have cruise ships? Sarah explains to Chunt, Usidore, and Can what a cruise ship is.

The last “email” is from Chunt, who asks Can to do some magic that is both humorous and dramatic.

Suddenly, the countdown reaches its end, and in order to prevent Sarah from being shot into space, Usidore casts the spell to sever the bond from the nethersphere between Arnie and Sarah, sending Sarah back to Earth and Arnie back to Foon.

Arnie arrives back in the tavern in the middle of singing a lullaby. He explains, in distress, that he was just putting his daughter to bed, and trails off as he can’t remember much about his week on Earth, but he thinks that it was nice (you can also hear thousands of hearts breaking at this very moment). Chunt and Usidore end the show by singing Happy Birthday to Arnie, who is now forty-one years old.

Back at the space bunker, an alarm starts sounding, indicating another dimensional tear. While the Mysterious Man goes off to the Amber Vestibule to investigate a second alarm, Craig plays a bit of a fan-submitted song by Eric from Dayton, Ohio, “Roaring Orcs”, and a preview of the first episode of Offices and Bosses.

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Additional Appearances

Earth References


Behind the Scenes

Sarah for Real
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Usidore, Sarah, Can the Wizard, Chunt
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