Season 1, Ep 97 – Kobold
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date January 30, 2017
Episode no. Season 1, Ep 97
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Traach the Mercantile Kobold
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Ryan DiGiorgi
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Offices and Bosses on, Death’s Mistress by Terry Goodkind (Tor Books), and ZipRecruiter
Episode chronology
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“Kobold” is the ninety-seventh episode of season one of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on January 30, 2017.


"Time to stock up on supplies for our quest. And we’ve met a kobold who’s selling stuff."


Traach (pronounced "trash") is a kobold, a member of a crafty race of sentient vermin who serve the dragon tyrant who bestows their names upon them. The Dark Lord killed the dragon tyrant that Traach served right in front of the kobolds, so now they are selling all of the dragon's horde, and Traach the Lowly is now Traach the Mercantile.

Kobolds have a cloaca like chickens do (but unlike chickens, it is pronounced with a short a).

Some of the items Traach is selling:

  • Bone Seed: will grow a bone tree when planted. The bones can be used to decorate armor. If planted in a graveyard, there is a 1:10 chance it will grow a monkey skull.
  • Healing Rock: bash it against the face of anyone injured, and will smash their face and heal them at the same time.
  • Bowl of Watery Death: a decorative bowl which will shrink whoever puts water in it, and they will fall in and drown.
  • Mystery Crates with mystery items inside

Traach has also encountered the missing badgers and tried to offer their services as sell-swords. According to Traach they abandoned the greedy and foolish king who led their kingdom to ruin and are covered in burns from weeks of dungeon diving. Chunt did not want to see them.

The boys gave the bowl to Blemish (without telling him what it does) and purchased it for one gold piece. Usidore bought ten of the Mystery Crates for 1,000 gold pieces each. Chunt ordered a Fornication on the Beach from Blemish, who served it to him in the same bowl.

Additional appearances

Earth references


  • Usidore has role-played as a goblin named "Tony"
  • Usidore sings a song about kobolds, chickens, and cloacae
  • Craig does another episode of CraigCast, with guest star Robot Arnie, and a clip from Offices & Bosses Season 1, Episode 3 — "Singing Sword from I.T."
  • We discover that the spell cast to send Sarah back to Earth (and create a direct link so that Usidore can appear to her in spectral form) and bring Arnie back to Foon at the end of episode 94 also caused the gossamer veil between worlds to be momentarily broke open so that most of the goblin army in Foon ended up transported to Chicago.
  • The Bone Seed and the Bowl of Watery Death are among the dumbest actual magic items in the Dungeons & Dragons source books.
  • Traach said that saliva does not count as water when using the Bowl of Watery Death (even though it contains water), but that was indeed how Blemish accidentally killed himself.

Behind the scenes

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Arnie, Traach, Usidore, Blemish, Chunt
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