Culture of Foon


When Foon was first formed, the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon, made love and six men were born of them. Those men all made love, and all gave birth to a man and women. The people of Foon were born of those twelve men and women.

The Twelve Realms of Ephysiyies

It is unclear whether "Ephysiyies" corresponds to a single one of the six men or one of their twelve progeny, or a collective term for some or all of them. The Twelve Realms of Ephysiyies, however, correspond to those original twelve men and women. Each wizard is associated with one or more of those mystical realms. Each one is tied to a physical realm, and Foon is tied to the 12th realm (and possibly others).

All twelve realms where not originally known to the people of Foon. Bungaree Chubbins remembers when nine Realms of Ephysiyies seemed impossible.


The Foonish calendar is different than Earths, though some days of the week appear in both. Differences include:

  • The month of Orgest (short for "Organ harvest") which is 17.5 days long and comes at the beginning of Vwishtash.1
  • The month of Umbersary2
  • Blernsday & Flensday, Flursdays: days of the week.

Similarities include:

  • Sundays & Mondays, Tuesday, Wednesdays: days of the week.
  • The date January 3 exists on both the Earth & Foonish calendars.3


  • Winter Solstice: The greatest collection of overlapping holidays in Foon, where the inhabitants commit to fighting against the darkness of winter with joy and laughter.
  • Envelop: Once a year, rocks shed their skin, turn into liquid, and relax for a day. Foon celebrates by having a feast, and even bitter enemies sup together.
  • MLK Day: Monarchs, Lords and Kings Day is where the regents of the realm are celebrated.
  • RDR: a big festival in the South where you can get prizes for showing your butthole.
  • Festival Of Cunnilinga: annual festival of midwives featuring dance and music, which lasts until all the women present are satisfied.
  • Bludgeon: a festival in Fingaria where one person is chosen and beaten to death.
  • Bonksgiving: One of the holidays celebrated during the Winter Solstice, in which everyone gathers in a circle. Each person will then say one dumb thing, and the person to their left bonks them on the head, and so forth.

Political Systems

There are many political systems in Foon, but very common is monarchy. There are four ranks of royalty in Foon.

Hereditary monarchies include:

Other groups and peoples choose their own kings & queens:

  • The land of Fingaria chooses a king by combat.
  • The Bandits of Bandit Island choose a king by voting "with their blood."
  • Every type of animal in Foon chooses their own king or queen.

Legal System

If someone is accused of a crime in Foon, they have several options available to them:

  • A trial
  • Trial by fire, which is a trial but with a fire in the room
  • Trial by trail
  • Trial by heated debate, which is a trial by fire plus a debate
  • Trial by argument, where parties must debate a topic, chosen randomly by spinning a wheel with 100 topics on it. The wheel has 50 set topics and 50 topics that change throughout the year.

If you do not attend your trial, it is called a "miss trial" and you must start over again.

When Foonish lawyers lose a case, they are killed.4

The Arts

Foon has a large variety of avenues for human and non-human expression.


These are superstitions or otherwise non-magical beliefs or sayings that are common in Foon.

  • Every time a bell rings, a puppy dies.
  • Every time you stop singing, a tightrope walker falls to their death.

These sections are currently incomplete. You can help add to it!

Different From Earth or American Culture

There are several concepts that are unique to Foon:

  • Funerals
  • Weddings
  • Blood drives are to feed creatures that eat blood, not to heal people
  • Kilns are used to burn dead babies instead of drying clay
  • Babies sleep for three seasons at a time
  • Children's gender is dependent on their birth order: babies from the same mother are born boy, girl, boy, girl, with the boy always being first.
  • Changing the first letter of a word to "b" or "g" indicates that it is "bad" or "good" respectively (e.g. "bad" + "witches" = "bitches", "good" + "boon" = "goon")
  • When people set out upon a quest, it is customary to give the party each gifts of good travel.

Similar to Earth or American Culture

There are several things that are surprisingly similar between Foon and Earth or American culture:

  • Jewish people exist on both Earth and Foon
  • The concept of couples daydreaming about a list of celebrities they would be allowed to sleep with
  • Music festivals
  • Ghost stories
  • Knock-knock jokes
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