Foon

Foon is a magical land that is connected to Earth through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.

Foon was created by the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon. They made love and gave birth to six men who created the entire world.

The year in Foon changes at a different rate than ours: over the run of the podcast, Usidore has stated the current year as 482391, 483722, and 483793.

Geography

Stewardspath

There is a main road that traverses Foon, known by many names, including:

  • The Fool's Errand
  • Youthsfolly
  • The Blistering Trail
  • Ladyface
  • Stewardspath
  • Journeymen's Gamble
  • Blade Row
  • Bishoproad
  • The Everyroad
  • The Bloodline
  • Overlander's Road (in the Northeast Kingdom)
  • Wanderer's Way

It passes through Hogsface. Notably, it does not reach the frozen tundra of Fingaria. Most roads branch off of it perpendicularly, creating a kind of "grid".

The topology of Foon is constantly changing; new mountains appear all the time.

Cities

Most cities, being centers of a monarchy, have an "MLK" Street (Monarchs, Lords, and Kings).

Towns and Other Locations

  • Furlingshire
  • Castle Belaroth
  • The Big Apple
    • The Big Apple is a huge apple right next to The Lake that keeps growing. It is so big that people can live inside it.
  • Terr'akas
  • Terenth
  • The Hood
  • Jizzleknob Preparatory School
  • Gunder
  • Indeea
  • Mount Brewerhead

Geographic Locations

  • McShingleshane Forest
  • Grand Eagle Island
  • Big Bowl
  • The Lake
    • There is only one lake in Foon and it is known, simply, as "The Lake." It is a popular honeymoon destination. The alewives in the lake are currently dying, and it is rumored that the cause is a poisoned amulet.
  • Victor's Bay
    • An actual bay also known as vBay, a site where auctions are conducted two to three times a week.
  • Eric's Island
    • The island Peter Smith landed at when arriving from Earth 137 years ago. It is near the landmark statue the Waving Woman which actually waves and welcomes people arriving in Foon. The island is closed now and is mainly a historical site.
  • Mountains of Its'ak
    • Its'ak Ravine
  • Streams of Tellith-Pao
  • Forest of Glennpoo
  • Sherman's Marsh
  • The Purple Bog
  • Shrike Valley
  • Valley of Steem
  • The Woods of Holly
  • Forest of Turimb
  • Tyra River
    • Banks of Tyra
  • South Bay/Night Bay
  • Island of Mygos
  • Halebaern Creek
  • Bandit Island
  • Ironwood Forest
  • Glorian Falls
  • The Burbs - the burbling seas just outside of Foon where a lot of rich people live

Regions

Climate

Foon has six seasons, four of which are the same as ours:

  • Winter
  • Blunder - characterized by 24 hour darkness
  • Spring
  • Summer
  • Vwishtash - a fire burns in the heavens, fireflakes fall from the sky and people build ashmen. Charms to prevent severe burns are available for purchase.
  • Fall

Snow in Foon is actually shards of glass. There is a story of a snowman that came to life when a magical plate of armor was put upon him; his name is "Glassy the Kill Man" and he's been killing kids ever since. Kids love the story.

Inhabitants

List: Inhabitants of Foon

Foon is made up of a myriad of fantastical inhabitants. There are many humanoid races as well as sentient creatures. Based on statistics mentioned on the podcast, sentient creatures make up anywhere between 18 and 32% of all inhabitants on Foon.[1]

Dangerous Things

The most dangerous things in Foon are, in order:

  1. Dragon
  2. Wizard
  3. A Flower
  4. Monkey
  5. Real Estate Agent
  6. Morglorb

Languages

There are many different languages on Foon, including:

  • Elvish
  • Dwarvish
  • Humanish

The language spoken primarily on the podcast is Humanish, which all humans speak.

Culture

Article: Culture of Foon

Bibliography
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