Foon is a magical land that is connected to Earth through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.

The year in Foon changes at a different rate than ours: over the run of the podcast, Usidore has stated the current year as 482391, 482422, 483723, and 483794.



Foon was created by the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon. They made love and gave birth to six men who created the entire world.


The topology of Foon is constantly changing; new mountains appear all the time. The planet Foon is on is both round and flat since it looks round from above and flat from the sides. According to Usidore, Earth is about half the size of Foon.5. The denizens of the largest continent on Foon will sometimes use the term "Foon" to refer simply to the continent, which is sometimes a source of confusion. There are 27 seas in Foon.

Foon is flat, but was not always so.6


Foon has six seasons, four of which are the same as Earth's:

  • Winter
  • Blunder - characterized by 24 hour darkness
  • Spring
  • Summer
  • Vwishtash - a fire burns in the heavens, fireflakes fall from the sky and people build ashmen. Charms to prevent severe burns are available for purchase.
  • Fall

Snow in Foon is actually shards of glass. There is a story of a snowman that came to life when a magical plate of armor was put upon him; his name is "Glassy the Kill Man" and he's been killing kids ever since. Kids love the story.



Kingdoms of Note

Cities and Towns

Most cities, being centers of a monarchy, have an "MLK" Street (Monarchs, Lords, and Kings).

  • Banglore - city in the Southwest with an extra sun
  • Brinemist, a seaside town that is home to the tavern The Jagged Dagger
  • Badung-Dung12
  • Cadaver Falls, home to the tavern The Bloated Rabbit
  • Capitol City, home Mittens team the White Trash. Spintax the Green drove the demon Yagrafell out of Capitol City.
  • Chorroth, a city known for gambling
  • Cloudfall, a city known for its constant rain, home to the tavern The Desiccated Mermaid13
  • The Dark City, a stronghold of the Dark Lord14
  • Delorea, home of Mittens team the Stinkpigs
  • Dirthsidane, a seaside town15
  • Dramenshire
  • Farthington
  • Furlingshire
  • Gratax
  • Grizana, a mountain town known for its mead16
  • Grumbleshire, home the tavern The Slippery Eel17
  • Guthrington
  • Gunder - a village in the Northwest, origin of Gunderstein
  • Hogsface (which has had many names, and was once in the area known as Barbathia)
  • Hood, The
  • Indeea
  • Krellbarland, ruled by the Duke Krellbar, formerly the Shire of Vemer, formerly Party City
  • L’Ori L’Oughlin - an elven village in McShingleshane Forest
  • Malfoi
  • Milkenit18
  • Mount Brewhead (both a mountain & a dwarven city)
  • Nawlins, a haunted city in the south of Foon.
  • Northeastia, capital of the Northeast Kingdom, located in the southwest of the Northeast.
  • Portalia, a village in the north that used to have portals to other worlds. They’re all closed now.
  • Scootsville, known for its wonderful soup, & home of Sir Scootington19
  • Scrr, a city a few days ride from Hogsface.
  • Sklim, a (very) small and pretty shitty town destroyed by one of Usidore's secret names.20
  • Soul's Hollow
  • Terenth
  • Vander Village (adjacent to The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
  • V'brim (The Golden City of)21
  • Vestoon (& the fiefdom of), home to the tavern The Deviated Scepter
  • Vinegar Bend
  • Weaselford

  • Winterdale - Visitors to Winterdale can view a Heavens' Mouth, and watch Angels visit Foon22
  • Wüber, a town or land in the West23
  • Yellum
  • York New
  • Zak24

Geographic Locations

  • Roads
  • Bridges
    • Ashit Bridge
    • Fiftyninthstreet Bridge
  • Forests
    • McShingleshane Forest
    • Forest of Glennpoo
    • Forest of Turimb
    • The Talinth Wood
    • Ironwood Forest
    • The Woods of Holly26
    • Kooky Longwoods27
    • The Satur’neth F’orest
    • Bolinggul Forest, near the Valley of Shrike and the fields of Aroth28
    • Forest of Pyrenee, only place to find the magical Pyrenee Peony29
  • Islands
    • Isles of Migas
    • Hawai
    • Bandit Island
    • Eric's Island - home of landmark statue the Waving Woman. The island is closed to visitors & mainly a historical site.30
    • Grand Eagle Island
    • Island of Mikra, home to many selkies31
    • Strong Guy Island, location of Castle Skullmaster
  • Seas & Rivers
    • The Lake
    • Big Bowl, location of Hawai
    • Thallasan Sea - once home to a great Leviathan before its defeat by Arnor the Warrior32
    • The Burbs, burbling seas where a lot of rich people live33
    • She'Yong Delta34
    • Black Sea35
    • Sea of Orcbanistan36
    • Glorian Falls37
    • Halebaern Creek
    • South Bay, aka Night Bay38
    • Victor's Bay39
    • Streams of Tellith-Pao
    • Tyra River - including the famous Banks of Tyra
    • The Foonsty River
  • Deserts
    • The Shape Desert40
    • The Land of Sand41
    • The Little Desert42
    • The Red Desert(Memorial Sandbox)43
  • Mountains
    • Mountains of Tréilfiel - unmoving & ancient, these mountains are sometimes invoked to covey timelessness44
    • Brewhead Mountain (also a dwarven city)45
    • Mt Dromino46
    • Quindleshawn Mountains, a destination for the children of the well-to-do47
    • Mountains of Its'ak- including Its'ak Ravine
    • Mount Sa'la'quay - the bowl of magical essence kept at the top is a place of wizard pilgrimage48
    • Wizard Fuck Mountain49
    • the Straits of Gibberish Altar - formerly Mount Onion until ripped in half by Arnor the Warrior50
    • Black Spire Volcano - Foon's only volcano, located on an island51
  • Caves
    • The Mines of Krelvan, a dwarven community52
    • Caves of Nunn - Former home of the Three-headed Cur, until its defeat by Arnor the Warrior53
    • Caves of Jamajo - located in the far north54
    • The Dark Dank Caverns55
  • Wetlands
    • The Purple Bog - adjacent to Hogsface
    • Sherman's Marsh
    • Mork Swamp
  • Valleys
    • Shrike Valley - the barony of
    • Valley of Steem
    • Tulmult Valley - a valley in constant upheaval, with 17 kings in the last 11 years; has the nickname Coup Valley56
  • Structures and landmarks

Dangerous Things

The most dangerous things in Foon are, in order:

  1. a Dragon
  2. a Wizard
  3. a Flower
  4. a Monkey
  5. a Real Estate Agent
  6. Morglorb


There are many different languages on Foon, including:

  • Elvish
  • Dwarvish
  • Humanish
  • Shapelish
  • Anglish - a constructed language created by the Troll Ang to be universal.
  • Squibbish - a dead language

The language spoken primarily on the podcast is Humanish, which all humans speak.


Magic Schools

Other Schools

See Also

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