Foon

Foon is a magical land that is connected to Earth through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.

The year in Foon changes at a different rate than ours: over the run of the podcast, Usidore has stated the current year as 48239¹, 48372², and 48379³.

History

Origin

Foon was created by the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon. They made love and gave birth to six men who created the entire world.

Geography

The topology of Foon is constantly changing; new mountains appear all the time. The planet Foon is on is both round and flat since it looks round from above and flat from the sides. According to Usidore, Earth is about half the size of Foon.⁴. The denizens of the largest continent on Foon will sometimes use the term "Foon" to refer simply to the continent, which is sometimes a source of confusion. There are 27 seas in Foon.

Climate

Foon has six seasons, four of which are the same as Earth's:

• Winter
• Blunder - characterized by 24 hour darkness
• Spring
• Summer
• Vwishtash - a fire burns in the heavens, fireflakes fall from the sky and people build ashmen. Charms to prevent severe burns are available for purchase.
• Fall

Snow in Foon is actually shards of glass. There is a story of a snowman that came to life when a magical plate of armor was put upon him; his name is "Glassy the Kill Man" and he's been killing kids ever since. Kids love the story.

Regions

• Northeast
• Northwest
• Southwest
• South
• Southeast
• The Westlands
• Frants
• Uncharted Territories⁵
• Bornea - known for hot springs, bears, and obsidian mines⁶

Demographics

Kingdoms of Note

• Northeast - Kingdom of the Belaroth's
• Harridan
• Grimfallon - a fallen kingdom in the south
• Velsmeer
• Fingaria
• Grundelflin
• Sorfain
• Seortle⁷

Cities and Towns

Most cities, being centers of a monarchy, have an "MLK" Street (Monarchs, Lords, and Kings).

• Banglore - city in the Southwest with an extra sun
• Brinemist, a seaside town that is home to the tavern The Jagged Dagger
• Badung-Dung⁸
• Cadaver Falls, home to the tavern The Bloated Rabbit
• Capitol City, home Mittens team the White Trash. Spintax the Green drove the demon Yagrafell out of Capitol City.
• Chorroth, a city known for gambling
• Cloudfall, a city known for its constant rain, home to the tavern The Desiccated Mermaid⁹
• Delorea, home of Mittens team the Stinkpigs
• Dirthsidane, a seaside town¹⁰
• Dramenshire
• Farthington
• Furlingshire
• Gratax
• Grizana, a mountain town known for its mead¹¹
• Guthrington
• Gunder - origin of Gunderstein
• Hogsface (which has had many names, and was once in the area known as Barbathia)
• Hood, The
• Indeea
• Krellbarland, ruled by the Duke Krellbar, formerly the Shire of Vemer, formerly Party City
• L’Ori L’Oughlin - an elven village in McShingleshane Forest
• Malfoi
• Milkenit¹²
• Mount Brewhead (both a mountain & a dwarven city)
• Nawlins, a haunted city in the south of Foon.
• Northeastia, capital of the Northeast Kingdom, located in the southwest of the Northeast.
• Portalia, a village in the north that used to have portals to other worlds. They’re all closed now.
• Scrr, a city a few days ride from Hogsface.
• Soul's Hollow
• Terenth
• Vander Village (adjacent to The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
• V'brim (The Golden City of)
• Vestoon (& the fiefdom of), home to the tavern The Deviated Scepter
• Vinegar Bend
• Weaselford

• Winterdale - Visitors to Winterdale can view a Heavens' Mouth, and watch Angels visit Foon¹³
• Yellum
• York New
• Zak¹⁴

Geographic Locations

• Roads
  • The Everyroad
• Bridges
  • Ashit Bridge
  • Fiftyninthstreet Bridge
• Forests
  • McShingleshane Forest
  • Forest of Glennpoo
  • Forest of Turimb
  • The Talinth Wood
  • Ironwood Forest
  • The Woods of Holly¹⁵
  • Kooky Longwoods¹⁶
  • The Satur’neth F’orest
  • Bolinggul Forest¹⁷
  • Forest of Pyrenee, only place to find the magical Pyrenee Peony¹⁸
• Islands
  • Isles of Migas
  • Hawai
  • Bandit Island
  • Eric's Island - home of landmark statue the Waving Woman. The island is closed to visitors & mainly a historical site.¹⁹
  • Grand Eagle Island
  • Strong Guy Island, location of Castle Skullmaster
• Seas & Rivers
  • The Lake
  • Big Bowl, location of Hawai
  • Thallasan Sea - once home to a great Leviathan before its defeat by Arnor the Warrior²⁰
  • The Burbs, burbling seas where a lot of rich people live²¹
  • She'Yong Delta²²
  • Black Sea²³
  • Glorian Falls²⁴
  • Halebaern Creek
  • South Bay, aka Night Bay²⁵
  • Victor's Bay²⁶
  • Streams of Tellith-Pao
  • Tyra River - including the famous Banks of Tyra
  • The Foonsty River
• Deserts
  • The Shape Desert²⁷
  • The Land of Sand²⁸
  • The Little Desert²⁹
  • The Red Desert(Memorial Sandbox)³⁰
• Mountains
  • Mountains of Tréilfiel - unmoving & ancient, these mountains are sometimes invoked to covey timelessness³¹
  • Brewhead Mountain (also a dwarven city)³²
  • Mt Dromino³³
  • Quindleshawn Mountains, a destination for the children of the well-to-do³⁴
  • Mountains of Its'ak- including Its'ak Ravine
  • Wizard Fuck Mountain³⁵
  • the Straits of Gibberish Altar - formerly Mount Onion until ripped in half by Arnor the Warrior³⁶
• Caves
  • Caves of Nunn - Former home of the Three-headed Cur, until its defeat by Arnor the Warrior³⁷
  • Caves of Jamajo - located in the far north³⁸
  • The Dark Dank Caverns³⁹
• Wetlands
  • The Purple Bog - adjacent to Hogsface
  • Sherman's Marsh
  • Mork Swamp
• Valleys
  • Shrike Valley - the barony of
  • Valley of Steem
  • Tulmult Valley - a valley in constant upheaval, with 17 kings in the last 11 years; has the nickname Coup Valley⁴⁰
• Structures and landmarks
  • Great Halls of Terr'akas
  • Tombs of Fleem
  • Library of Meridanth
  • The Big Apple - a huge apple right next to The Lake that keeps growing. It is so big that people can live inside it.
  • The Mystic Temple of Fingaria

Dangerous Things

The most dangerous things in Foon are, in order:

1. a Dragon
2. a Wizard
3. a Flower
4. a Monkey
5. a Real Estate Agent
6. Morglorb

Languages

There are many different languages on Foon, including:

• Elvish
• Dwarvish
• Humanish
• Shapelish
• Anglish - a constructed language created by the Troll Ang to be universal.
• Squibbish - a dead language

The language spoken primarily on the podcast is Humanish, which all humans speak.

Education

Magic Schools

• Great Halls of Terr'akkas
• Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
• Drumstring
• Le Pretty Sticks
• Thunderweist

Other Schools

• Phoenix University
• Patchouli Grade School - local primary school in Hogsface⁴¹

See Also

• Culture of Foon
• Books of Foon
• Inhabitants of Foon
• Religions of Foon

Footnotes

1. Offices & Bosses, Ep 5 — "The I.T. Team"

2. Season 2, Ep 20 — "King Krom"

3. Season 3, Ep 4 — "More Moles"

4. Season 1, Ep 51 — "Baron Ragoon"

5. Season 1, Ep 75 – "Make-Up Artist"

6. Season 3, Ep 70 - "Arnor's Next Feat"

7. Season 1, Ep 53 – "Tom the Nominee"

8. Season 2, Ep 35 – "New Guy"

9. Lost in Foon: Season 1, Ep 4 - "Wet-Ass Farmer"

10. Usidore's Fetching Quests! Season 1, Ep 6 — "Wizard of the Temple"

11. Usidore's Fetching Quests! Seasn 1, Ep 5 - "Milkmaiden"

12. Season 2, Ep 94 – "Mothman"

13. Season 1, Ep 51 — "Baron Ragoon"

14. Season 3, Ep 82 - "Barbara"

15. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

16. Season 3, Ep 29 – "Outlaw"

17. Season 3, Ep 77 - "Death Knight"

18. Season 3, Ep 46 — "Jazzhands"

19. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

20. Season 1, Ep 87 - "Missing Fathers"

21. Season 1, Ep 96 – "Mic Test"

22. Season 1, Ep 43 - "Sharks"

23. Season 1, Ep 76 – "Pandenomicon"

24. Season 1, Ep 92 – "Resonance Stone"

25. Season 1, Ep 46 - "Assassin"

26. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

27. Season 2, Ep 82 – "Chunt for Red October 4: Rainbow Squish"

28. Season 3, Ep 26 – "Scarab"

29. Season 3, Ep 30 – "Knight"

30. Season 3, Ep 59 — "Sleeping Prince"

31. Season 1, Ep 40 — "Chu Chu's Chow"

32. Season 1, Ep 90 – "Dwarf"

33. Season 1, Ep 73 – "Chunt's Night"

34. Season 2, Ep 49 — "Three Years"

35. Season 2, Ep 87 – "Blue and Green"

36. Season 1, Ep 44 - "Arnor the Warrior"

37. Season 1, Ep 44 - "Arnor the Warrior"

38. Season 3, Ep 11 – "Wizard with a Crossbow"

39. Season 3, Ep 30 – "Knight"

40. Season 3, Ep 49 - "Ranger"

41. Season 1, Ep 86 – "Overworked Fairy"