Foon is a magical land that is connected to Earth through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.

The year in Foon changes at a different rate than ours: over the run of the podcast, Usidore has stated the current year as 482391, 483722, and 483793.



Foon was created by the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon. They made love and gave birth to six men who created the entire world.


The topology of Foon is constantly changing; new mountains appear all the time. The planet Foon is on is both round and flat since it looks round from above and flat from the sides. According to Usidore, Earth is about half the size of Foon.4. The denizens of the largest continent on Foon will sometimes use the term "Foon" to refer simply to the continent, which is sometimes a source of confusion. There are 27 seas in Foon.


Foon has six seasons, four of which are the same as ours:

  • Winter
  • Blunder - characterized by 24 hour darkness
  • Spring
  • Summer
  • Vwishtash - a fire burns in the heavens, fireflakes fall from the sky and people build ashmen. Charms to prevent severe burns are available for purchase.
  • Fall

Snow in Foon is actually shards of glass. There is a story of a snowman that came to life when a magical plate of armor was put upon him; his name is "Glassy the Kill Man" and he's been killing kids ever since. Kids love the story.



Cities and Towns

Most cities, being centers of a monarchy, have an "MLK" Street (Monarchs, Lords, and Kings).

  • Banglore - city in the Southwest with an extra sun
  • Big Apple, The
    • The Big Apple is a huge apple right next to The Lake that keeps growing. It is so big that people can live inside it.
  • Brinemist, a seaside town that is home to the Jagged Dagger
  • Cadaver Falls
  • Capitol City
  • Castle Belaroth
  • Chorroth, a city known for gambling
  • Delorea
  • Dramenshire
  • Farthington
  • Furlingshire
  • Gratax
  • Guthrington
  • Gunder
  • Hogsface (which has had many names, and was once in the area known as Barbathia)
  • Hood, The
  • Indeea
  • Malfoi
  • Migas
  • Mount Brewerhead
  • Portalia, a village in the north that used to have portals to other worlds. They’re all closed now.
  • Scrr
  • Soul's Hollow
  • Terenth
  • Terr'akas, Great Halls of
  • Vander Village (adjacent to The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
  • V'brim (The Golden City of)
  • Vinegar Bend
  • Weaselford

  • Winterdale
    • Visitors to Winterdale can view a Heavens' Mouth, and watch Angels visit Foon5


There is a main road that traverses Foon, known by many names, including:

  • The Fool's Errand
  • Youthsfolly
  • The Blistering Trail
  • Ladyface
  • Stewardspath
  • Journeymen's Gamble
  • Blade Row
  • Bishoproad
  • The Everyroad
  • The Bloodline
  • Overlander's Road (in the Northeast Kingdom)
  • Wanderer's Way

It passes through Hogsface. Notably, it does not reach the frozen tundra of Fingaria. Most roads branch off of it perpendicularly, creating a kind of "grid".

Geographic Locations

  • Bandit Island
  • Burbs, The
    • The burbling seas just outside of Foon where a lot of rich people live.
  • Eric's Island
    • The island Peter Smith landed at when arriving from Earth 137 years ago. It is near the landmark statue the Waving Woman which actually waves and welcomes people arriving in Foon. The island is closed now and is mainly a historical site.
  • Forest of Glennpoo
  • Forest of Turimb
  • Glorian Falls
  • Grand Eagle Island
  • Halebaern Creek
  • Ironwood Forest
  • Island of Migas
  • Lake, The
    • There is only one lake in Foon and it is known, simply, as "The Lake." It is a popular honeymoon destination. The alewives in the lake are currently dying, and it is rumored that the cause is a poisoned amulet.
  • The Land of Sand
  • McShingleshane Forest
  • Mountains of Its'ak
    • Its'ak Ravine
  • Purple Bog, The - adjacent to Hogsface
  • Shape Desert, The
  • Sherman's Marsh
  • Shrike Valley
  • South Bay/Night Bay
  • Streams of Tellith-Pao
  • Tombs of Fleen
  • Tyra River
    • Banks of Tyra
  • Valley of Steem
  • Victor's Bay
    • An actual bay also known as vBay, a site where auctions are conducted two to three times a week.
  • Wizard Fuck Mountain
  • Woods of Holly, The

Dangerous Things

The most dangerous things in Foon are, in order:

  1. Dragon
  2. Wizard
  3. A Flower
  4. Monkey
  5. Real Estate Agent
  6. Morglorb


There are many different languages on Foon, including:

  • Elvish
  • Dwarvish
  • Humanish
  • Shapelish
  • Anglish - a constructed language created by the Troll Ang to be universal.
  • Squibbish - a dead language

The language spoken primarily on the podcast is Humanish, which all humans speak.



See Also

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