Foon

Foon is a magical land that is connected to Earth through a magical portal behind a Burger King in Chicago.

The year in Foon changes at a different rate than ours: over the run of the podcast, Usidore has stated the current year as 48239¹, 48242², 48372³, and 48379⁴.

History

Origin

Foon was created by the three goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon. They made love and gave birth to six men who created the entire world.

Geography

The topology of Foon is constantly changing; new mountains appear all the time. The planet Foon is on is both round and flat since it looks round from above and flat from the sides. According to Usidore, Earth is about half the size of Foon.⁵. The denizens of the largest continent on Foon will sometimes use the term "Foon" to refer simply to the continent, which is sometimes a source of confusion. There are 27 seas in Foon.

Foon is flat, but was not always so.⁶

Climate

Foon has six seasons, four of which are the same as Earth's:

• Winter
• Blunder - characterized by 24 hour darkness
• Spring
• Summer
• Vwishtash - a fire burns in the heavens, fireflakes fall from the sky and people build ashmen. Charms to prevent severe burns are available for purchase.
• Fall

Snow in Foon is actually shards of glass. There is a story of a snowman that came to life when a magical plate of armor was put upon him; his name is "Glassy the Kill Man" and he's been killing kids ever since. Kids love the story.

Regions

• Northeast
• Northwest
• Southwest
• South
• Southeast
• The West/TheWestlands/The Westerlands
• Frants
• Uncharted Territories⁷
• Bornea - known for hot springs, bears, and obsidian mines⁸

Demographics

Kingdoms of Note

• Northeast - Kingdom of the Belaroth's
• Harridan
• Grimfallon - a fallen kingdom in the south
• Velsmeer
• Fingaria
• Grundelflin
• Sorfain
• Seortle⁹
• Quorn¹⁰
• Crimptopia, ruled the 2-year old Scrumblebum¹¹

Cities and Towns

Most cities, being centers of a monarchy, have an "MLK" Street (Monarchs, Lords, and Kings).

• Banglore - city in the Southwest with an extra sun
• Brinemist, a seaside town that is home to the tavern The Jagged Dagger
• Badung-Dung¹²
• Cadaver Falls, home to the tavern The Bloated Rabbit
• Capitol City, home Mittens team the White Trash. Spintax the Green drove the demon Yagrafell out of Capitol City.
• Chorroth, a city known for gambling
• Cloudfall, a city known for its constant rain, home to the tavern The Desiccated Mermaid¹³
• The Dark City, a stronghold of the Dark Lord¹⁴
• Delorea, home of Mittens team the Stinkpigs
• Dirthsidane, a seaside town¹⁵
• Dramenshire
• Farthington
• Furlingshire
• Gratax
• Grizana, a mountain town known for its mead¹⁶
• Grumbleshire, home the tavern The Slippery Eel¹⁷
• Guthrington
• Gunder - a village in the Northwest, origin of Gunderstein
• Hogsface (which has had many names, and was once in the area known as Barbathia)
• Hood, The
• Indeea
• Krellbarland, ruled by the Duke Krellbar, formerly the Shire of Vemer, formerly Party City
• L’Ori L’Oughlin - an elven village in McShingleshane Forest
• Malfoi
• Milkenit¹⁸
• Mount Brewhead (both a mountain & a dwarven city)
• Nawlins, a haunted city in the south of Foon.
• Northeastia, capital of the Northeast Kingdom, located in the southwest of the Northeast.
• Portalia, a village in the north that used to have portals to other worlds. They’re all closed now.
• Scootsville, known for its wonderful soup, & home of Sir Scootington¹⁹
• Scrr, a city a few days ride from Hogsface.
• Sklim, a (very) small and pretty shitty town destroyed by one of Usidore's secret names.²⁰
• Soul's Hollow
• Terenth
• Vander Village (adjacent to The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
• V'brim (The Golden City of)²¹
• Vestoon (& the fiefdom of), home to the tavern The Deviated Scepter
• Vinegar Bend
• Weaselford

• Winterdale - Visitors to Winterdale can view a Heavens' Mouth, and watch Angels visit Foon²²
• Wüber, a town or land in the West²³
• Yellum
• York New
• Zak²⁴

Geographic Locations

• Roads
  • The Everyroad
  • Dundleberry's Road, a road in the Shrike Valley²⁵
• Bridges
  • Ashit Bridge
  • Fiftyninthstreet Bridge
• Forests
  • McShingleshane Forest
  • Forest of Glennpoo
  • Forest of Turimb
  • The Talinth Wood
  • Ironwood Forest
  • The Woods of Holly²⁶
  • Kooky Longwoods²⁷
  • The Satur’neth F’orest
  • Bolinggul Forest, near the Valley of Shrike and the fields of Aroth²⁸
  • Forest of Pyrenee, only place to find the magical Pyrenee Peony²⁹
• Islands
  • Isles of Migas
  • Hawai
  • Bandit Island
  • Eric's Island - home of landmark statue the Waving Woman. The island is closed to visitors & mainly a historical site.³⁰
  • Grand Eagle Island
  • Island of Mikra, home to many selkies³¹
  • Strong Guy Island, location of Castle Skullmaster
• Seas & Rivers
  • The Lake
  • Big Bowl, location of Hawai
  • Thallasan Sea - once home to a great Leviathan before its defeat by Arnor the Warrior³²
  • The Burbs, burbling seas where a lot of rich people live³³
  • She'Yong Delta³⁴
  • Black Sea³⁵
  • Sea of Orcbanistan³⁶
  • Glorian Falls³⁷
  • Halebaern Creek
  • South Bay, aka Night Bay³⁸
  • Victor's Bay³⁹
  • Streams of Tellith-Pao
  • Tyra River - including the famous Banks of Tyra
  • The Foonsty River
• Deserts
  • The Shape Desert⁴⁰
  • The Land of Sand⁴¹
  • The Little Desert⁴²
  • The Red Desert(Memorial Sandbox)⁴³
• Mountains
  • Mountains of Tréilfiel - unmoving & ancient, these mountains are sometimes invoked to covey timelessness⁴⁴
  • Brewhead Mountain (also a dwarven city)⁴⁵
  • Mt Dromino⁴⁶
  • Quindleshawn Mountains, a destination for the children of the well-to-do⁴⁷
  • Mountains of Its'ak- including Its'ak Ravine
  • Mount Sa'la'quay - the bowl of magical essence kept at the top is a place of wizard pilgrimage⁴⁸
  • Wizard Fuck Mountain⁴⁹
  • the Straits of Gibberish Altar - formerly Mount Onion until ripped in half by Arnor the Warrior⁵⁰
  • Black Spire Volcano - Foon's only volcano, located on an island⁵¹
• Caves
  • The Mines of Krelvan, a dwarven community⁵²
  • Caves of Nunn - Former home of the Three-headed Cur, until its defeat by Arnor the Warrior⁵³
  • Caves of Jamajo - located in the far north⁵⁴
  • The Dark Dank Caverns⁵⁵
• Wetlands
  • The Purple Bog - adjacent to Hogsface
  • Sherman's Marsh
  • Mork Swamp
• Valleys
  • Shrike Valley - the barony of
  • Valley of Steem
  • Tulmult Valley - a valley in constant upheaval, with 17 kings in the last 11 years; has the nickname Coup Valley⁵⁶
• Structures and landmarks
  • Great Halls of Terr'akas
  • Tombs of Fleem
  • Library of Meridanth
  • Library of Careth'ten, in the far northeastern regions⁵⁷
  • The Big Apple - a huge apple right next to The Lake that keeps growing. It is so big that people can live inside it.
  • The Mystic Temple of Fingaria

Dangerous Things

The most dangerous things in Foon are, in order:

1. a Dragon
2. a Wizard
3. a Flower
4. a Monkey
5. a Real Estate Agent
6. Morglorb

Languages

There are many different languages on Foon, including:

• Elvish
• Dwarvish
• Humanish
• Shapelish
• Anglish - a constructed language created by the Troll Ang to be universal.
• Squibbish - a dead language

The language spoken primarily on the podcast is Humanish, which all humans speak.

Education

Magic Schools

• Great Halls of Terr'akkas
• Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards
• Drumstring
• Le Pretty Sticks
• Thunderweist

Other Schools

• Phoenix University
• Patchouli Grade School - local primary school in Hogsface⁵⁸

See Also

• Culture of Foon
• Books of Foon
• Inhabitants of Foon
• Religions of Foon

Footnotes

1. Offices & Bosses, Ep 5 — "The I.T. Team"

2. Season 3, Ep 59 - "Sleeping Prince"

3. Season 2, Ep 20 — "King Krom"

4. Season 3, Ep 4 — "More Moles"

5. Season 1, Ep 51 — "Baron Ragoon"

6. Season 3, Ep 84 — "The Boy King and the Prince"

7. Season 1, Ep 75 – "Make-Up Artist"

8. Season 3, Ep 70 - "Arnor's Next Feat"

9. Season 1, Ep 53 – "Tom the Nominee"

10. Earth Games Season 1, Ep 7 — "Werewolf"

11. Season 3, Ep 88 — "Casino"

12. Season 2, Ep 35 – "New Guy"

13. Lost in Foon: Season 1, Ep 4 - "Wet-Ass Farmer"

14. Season 1, 16 — "Spintax the Green"

15. Usidore's Fetching Quests! Season 1, Ep 6 — "Wizard of the Temple"

16. Usidore's Fetching Quests! Seasn 1, Ep 5 - "Milkmaiden"

17. Lost in Foon Season 1, Ep 1 — "Honk's Uncle's Place"

18. Season 2, Ep 94 – "Mothman"

19. Season 3, Ep 88 — "Casino"

20. Season 2, Ep 7 – "Carfoonist"

21. Season 2, Ep 51 — "Squibbert"

22. Season 1, Ep 51 — "Baron Ragoon"

23. Season 2, Ep 45 – "Night of the Oversharing Dead"

24. Season 3, Ep 82 - "Barbara"

25. Season 3, Ep 45 — "Baron Emeritus"

26. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

27. Season 3, Ep 29 – "Outlaw"

28. Season 3, Ep 77 - "Death Knight"

29. Season 3, Ep 46 — "Jazzhands"

30. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

31. Season 2, Ep 57 — "Jyn’Leeviyah Returns"

32. Season 1, Ep 87 - "Missing Fathers"

33. Season 1, Ep 96 – "Mic Test"

34. Season 1, Ep 43 - "Sharks"

35. Season 1, Ep 76 – "Pandenomicon"

36. Season 1, Ep 89 — "Jyn’Leeviyah the Red"

37. Season 1, Ep 92 – "Resonance Stone"

38. Season 1, Ep 46 - "Assassin"

39. Season 1, Ep 45 - "The First Jew of Foon"

40. Season 2, Ep 82 – "Chunt for Red October 4: Rainbow Squish"

41. Season 3, Ep 26 – "Scarab"

42. Season 3, Ep 30 – "Knight"

43. Season 3, Ep 59 — "Sleeping Prince"

44. Season 1, Ep 40 — "Chu Chu's Chow"

45. Season 1, Ep 90 – "Dwarf"

46. Season 1, Ep 73 – "Chunt's Night"

47. Season 2, Ep 49 — "Three Years"

48. Season 2, Ep 57 — "Jyn’Leeviyah Returns"

49. Season 2, Ep 87 – "Blue and Green"

50. Season 1, Ep 44 - "Arnor the Warrior"

51. Season, 3 Ep 101 — "Volcano"

52. Season 1, Ep 18 — "Blemish"

53. Season 1, Ep 44 - "Arnor the Warrior"

54. Season 3, Ep 11 – "Wizard with a Crossbow"

55. Season 3, Ep 30 – "Knight"

56. Season 3, Ep 49 - "Ranger"

57. Season 2, Ep 57 — "Jyn’Leeviyah Returns"

58. Season 1, Ep 86 – "Overworked Fairy"