Josh Swollensword

Josh Swollensword is an erotic dancer, who performs at mostly bachelor/bachelorette parties, weddings, and funerals. He used to be a Mittens star in high school but he (literally) threw out his hip during a game to distract someone trying to catch a bird. A goblin doctor replaced it with a goblin hip and now he dances very well but can no longer play Mittens.

He prefers to be called a "Hipnotist" while he's dancing. His specialty is lap dancing: the person who wants the dance pays a few coins to sit in his lap while he dances underneath. His mother's last name is "Harddick." He has had several failed marriages and three deceased children. He has bluish-gray skin (more blue than gray) but is not related to the Dark Lord and he has a tail. His first name is pronounced with a long o.

Josh Swollensword is played by Lawrence Collerd.


  • Season 1, Ep 65 — "Dancer"
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