Lance Jacobs
Lance Jacobs
Hello from the Magic Tavern character
First appearance "Season 3, Ep 67 - 1989: Walking Around Meijer (w/ Paul Brittain)"
Played by Paul Brittain
Name Lance Jacobs
Nickname(s) Lance
Species Human
Occupation Assistance Manager (as of 1989)
Affiliation Meijer Store

Lance Jacobs is the acting assistance manager at Meijer when a 13-year-old Arnie goes there with the future Chunt and Usidore.

Lance is a typical, snarky teen with a common name that works at Meijer. He was originally from Colorado, but when his parents got divorced, he followed his dad to Lima, Ohio. His dad works at AMC, allowing him to get early screenings of movies. He currehtly lives at 1524 Countyline Road and has a Social Security number of 555-55-5555. As an older teen, Lance can see through bullshit of younger teens. However, he is a little altruistic as he answers Arnie honestly when Arnie questions being a teenager and puberty. He has ben convicted of a felony, but does not go into further detail. He is the drummer of Satan's Nutsacks. Lance is a fan of the band, The Misfits. He does not like sequels as much.

Some time in 1989, a week before the premiere of Back to the Future Part II, he stops Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore as they are recording their show. Initially they are suspected to be industry spies for Costco, but after they explain the show, Lance agrees to do an interview while on his break. Lance describes him band and tells them about how his band is slowly rising up the ranks to be more famous like playing at small venues and working on a concept album. He recognizes that he may not be a driving force in the bad, but wants to contribute in ways that he can.

Under Arnie's request, Usidore uses his magic to make Lance's life better. The feats he accomplish/suggest in this task include:

  • Transforming Tipper Gore into a Bird
  • Summoning a Dragon to be in the background as they perform
  • Incepts the concept of an outdoor music festival so they can play at
  • allows Phil Collins to exist
  • makes Lance Bald
  • gives Lance always stacked arms
  • conjures paperwork so Lance can change his name to Lance Collins and fills it out.
  • Conjured birds to take away the manager of Meijer.

Lance learns about the existence of magic when Usidore summons a book for Arnie. To prove they are magical, Usidore creates pretzel trunks and blue underwear and Chunt transforms into a Dunkaroo and a Doberman named Keith. Usidore also changes the text on Lance's shirt, now reading the Misfarts, and does not change it back when they all leave.

Lance Jacobs is played by Paul Brittain


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