SAD Bard

SAD Bard
Hello from the Magic Tavern character
First appearance	"New Guy"
Played by	Jonathan Mann
Information
Name	Song-a-Day Bard
Species	Humanish
Occupation	Bard

SAD Bard is played by Jonathan Mann.

SAD stands for Song-a-Day Bard. The bard must write a new song every day due to a curse. If he doesn't write a song every day, a demon comes out of him and may possibly kill people. Usidore confirms the presence of the demon with a demon-detecting spell.

On Hello From the Magic Tavern

SAD Bard plays two songs on the HftMT podcast (which can be purchased here):

"So Much Child Death"

So Much Child Death
So Much Child Death
Impaled, and burned
cut to pieces, and turned
into a paste,
that makes the ground fertile

I saw six children, smushed flat,
and then their rendered fat
used to open an interdimensional portal

So Much Child Death
So Much Child Death

Sacrificed for their delicate heart,
we're talking literally ripped apart
turned inside out by a strange mysterious power

I saw one poisoned by the queen
one died by death from every disease
murdered in cold blood by a delicate power

So Much Child Death (in Foon)
So Much Child Death

His new song for the day, which kept the demon at bay:

The Wales of Califor
Barth the Human Lives in a Treehouse
What is cannoli and is it on Earth?
Barth's wife is a shape-shifting Druid
and she treats him like a real jerk

The Wales of Califor say Ooooosidore
If you can't run with the big dogs,
get up off of the porch, get off the porch

Where is the magic feather
Are there lots of thieves in Hogsface
'cause a roving pack of teenagers stole
Barth's tree in Hogsface, and

The Wales of Califor say Ooooosidore
If you can't run with the big dogs,
get up off of the porch, ok

If a boat is replaced piece by piece
is it still the same boat?
Arnie ripped Barth the totally wrong way
and Barth took his microphone

Answer the fucking question Arnie,
Answer the fucking question
Answer the fucking question Arnie,
I don't care if you look like David Beckham

The Wales of Califor say Ooooosidore
If you can't run with the big dogs,
you better get up off of the porch,
you better get up off of the porch,

The Wales of Califor say Ooooosidore
If you can't run with the big dogs,
you better get up off of the porch,
(repeat)

Arnie, Usidore and Chunt listen to the Song-a-Day Bard perform during Winter Solstice 2021 about Gunderstein. The youtube video can be found here and was released before the episode premired. The background of the video uses the Foon Map that is sold on Topatoco.

Gunderstein

Gunder was a simple dame who cared for all around her
And so we sing of Gunderstein, the holiday that she founded
Gunder oh GunderStien, every third Blurnsday eve
Throw the fruit and bop the mallet on to each other’s heads

It all began long ago with a man named Ted
He decided that from now on he’d be the The Dark Lord instead
And riding on his terrible steed he went to Gunder’s place
And because he was evil now he smacked her across the face

Gunder was mighty confused, saying, “Ted what the heck”
Ted said, “I am the Dark Lord now, what do you expect?”
“I expect you’ll return to me my pruning shears.”
“No, I’m evil, I’ll keep them for a billion years”

Gunder was a simple dame who cared for all around her
And so we sing of Gunderstein, the holiday that she founded
Gunder oh GunderStien, every third Blurnsday eve
Throw the fruit and bop the mallet on to each other’s heads

Well, Ted aka The Dark Lord made his intentions known
To die and to be reborn as the Dark Lord oh no
Gunder listened politely to her neighbor Ted
And then she brought her hammer down straight upon his head

And so we celebrate Gunderstien, the days we do adore
Gunder saved us from the most boringest dark lord
We all take care of each other, and we mustn’t wait
To take decisive action to put evil in it’s place

One more time

Gunder was a simple dame who cared for all around her
And so we sing of Gunderstein, the holiday that she founded
Gunder oh GunderStien, every third Blurnsday eve
Throw the fruit and bop the mallet on to each other’s heads

On to each other’s heads
On to each other’s heads
On to each other’s heads
On to each other’s heads
On to each other’s heads

Episodes

• Season 2, Ep 35 — "New Guy" (Live from Brooklyn)
• Winter Solstice 2021