Season 2, Ep 27 – But What About Forever Girl?
Season 2, Ep 27 – But What About Forever Girl?
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Air Date: September 18, 2017 Episode Link
Previous Episode S02E27 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Usidore, Chunt Guests: Eternia
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Chris Rathjen Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Additional Sound Effects:
Sponsored by: Squarespace (Promo Code: TAVERN) and ZipRecruiter

Description

"Eternia the Forever Girl is back to let us know what life is like for her under the Dark Lord’s reign. Also, believe it or not, part of the riddle gets solved."

Summary

Arnie has been walking around the Tavern trying to uncover its secrets and magical weapons. Usidore made a new salsa with peaches and mangos (possibly including Chunt’s farting peach). Arnie thinks he figured out part of the riddle but wants to pace it out over the course of a couple of weeks. Eternia is back! But…she’s not exactly young anymore. Somehow she’s aging. Usidore is not very forgiving in his adjectives, describing her as wrinkled, filthy, putrid, vile, despicable. Eternia tells us that once the dark lord took over, she started changing.

Eternia has been celebrating the Jewish holidays, such as Rosh Hashanah, Head of the year. So they all talk about the best blow job they’ve gotten in the rest of the year. Eternia asks Chunt about a friend of hers, who is also a shapeshifter, but didn’t know she was a shapeshifter. She gave a blowjob to a horse and has a horse mouth now. Then she brought a dildo into a cave to turn back into herself, but she has no idea what cave she went into. Also, Chunt teaches us the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite.

Eternia doesn’t know if she is going to live forever. She is hoping that someone does something about the Dark Lord because she does have glimpses of being young again. Usidore is suddenly resolute on helping Eternia.

Arnie goes off to the “room in the tavern that everyone shits in” (you know, Arnie’s room). He comes back and asks Usidore if he has any names in the west, which he does: Solomander Pondu. Arnie comes back again and thinks he figured out part of the riddle: Usidore’s names are written on the wall. He hit “Solomander Pondu” once and “Gaismunēnas Meistar” 3 times and it opened a door! We also learn that Arnie says “It’s a little SPPOOOOKKKYYY” very strangely.

Usidore and Arnie go down to the basement while Chunt and Eternia stay up and sing musicals. Arnie quickly changes his mind after Chunt’s terrible singing. The group goes down to the basement and Eternia turns back to a kid for a moment.

Eternia spots a ruby. She puts the prism that Usidore gave her against the ruby and it turns out to be a mechanical automaton with tiny ruby slippers. They try to knock them together, perpendicular then toe to toe. Arnie finally takes them and clicks the slippers together by the heels and they end up back in the ruby.

But suddenly, an old man appears behind a curtain. He has been watching Blemish and his sacks of flour, and has also been hiding secrets in the tavern for the trio to find. He suddenly disappears and the group realize they may have been pickpocketed. The old man takes Arnie’s wallet, Eternia’s shoes, and Usidore’s prostrate. But, leaves Arnie with a slip of paper in his pocket which contains a clue!

“It services good king Irving Clark
Rendered where rasher foes embark
Behind are words no need to go
But find the final undertow”

Usidore eats the clue. Chunt suggests we burn all the riddles and they just stop trying to do anything. Arnie argues that doing things has helped him.

They have fleshed out that the riddle is about the portal behind the Burger King and asks the question of how they will be able to figure out the rest of the clue.

Arnie reads some e-mails, one of which is from an enlisted man asking if Chunt and Usidore have any military background. We learn that Usidore is an Honorary General of Good King Beleroth’s army. And Chunt is just guard and was never in the military, however, Chunt once had sex with a seal. It was a dark blue.

End teaser – The old man says that they’ve opened up a new wall in the basement of the tavern!

Earth References

15 love (Tennis)
Helen Mirren
Jack (the movie)
The Beatles
Nazis
ISIS
The Taliban
Rosh Hashanah
prison rules
Prison Break
New Found Glory
"If U Seek Amy" - Britney Spears
Chasing Amy
Group C airplane boarding
United
Delta
Cookie Crisp cereal
Hairspray
Rats (Cats)
West Side Story
The Wizard of Oz
Dick Butkus
Cheap Trick
Lionel
Baconator
Fresh Air - Terry Gross
The Incredible Hulk
Navy Seals
"Old Man" - Neil Young
Garbage Pail Kids
Boxcar Children

Behind the Scenes

Eternia the Forever Girl, Chunt, Arnie, Usidore
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