Season 2, Ep 28 – Gettin’ Nuts (w/ Paul F. Tompkins, Live from Now Hear This)
Gettin’ Nuts (w/ Paul F. Tompkins, Live from Now Hear This)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date September 25, 2017
Episode no. S02E28
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Mister Chauncey, Tomblain Belaroth, Alice Corn the Acorn
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Garrett Schultz
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Additional music Brian Chard
Brooklinen (Promo Code: MAGIC for $20 off and free shipping) and Squarespace (Promo Code: TAVERN)
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"Gettin’ Nuts " is the twenty-eighth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on September 25, 2017.


Usidore and Chunt’s spin-off podcast is visited by a dapper faun named Mister Chauncey, a series of bats and a talking acorn.


The Hello from the Magic Tavern theme music plays, but Usidore says that it’s the wrong theme. He and Chunt introduces the podcast Gettin’ Nuts and queue Mundle to play the correct theme. Usidore found a pecan, and Chunt found a pine nut.

It is the 2,000th episode, so Usidore has invited his friend as today’s guest, Mister David Chauncey Jr., a fancy little faun. He’s very dapper in his waist coat, and he hails from the north where it’s winter year round. Chunt says he’s never met a faun in Foon, which triggers a short circuit in his brain. Mister Chauncey explains that any four letter word that that starts with F and ends in N will trigger an episode. Throughout the recording he’s triggered several times by words such as flan, fern, and Fran.

Nuts are all Mister Chauncey eats in his town of Portalia, famous for its portals to other dimensions until they all closed. He used to be the guard for the last portal that led to Eng-Land, through which children used to entered Foon to go on adventures and described Earth television shows to Chauncey. He is not fond of the children but he’s sad to have lost his job after the portal closed.

Mister Chauncey says he’s forced to worship a great lion that terrifies everyone but the Earth children. Usidore interrupts Mistery Chauncey story to say that he had an almond last week. Even though everyone is terrified of it, the lion has also been killed several times by witches. Witches have many ways to kill lions:

  1. Spells
  2. Long end of the broom
  3. Short end of the broom
  4. Wand in the eye
  5. General hocus pocus
  6. Pushing a lion down the stairs but claiming that it was an owl attack
  7. Suffocation by transformation

Chunt introduces the segment “Nuts to Butts” and ask everyone to sit down and guess the nut they are sitting on. Mister Chauncey correctly guesses that he’s sitting on an almond.

Usidore realizes that they have never mentioned Portalia to Arnie. The group decide that will never mention the portals to Arnie, unless he asks. Mister Chauncey describes another portal that was a Door to Ecu, an Ecu-Door.

Chunt introduces the Foon sponsors: Guster Dusters and United Squirrel Space Realty (USSR).

A series of bats approaches, but it’s their friend Tomblain Belaroth. Tom has come to the podcast because he’s in a relationship with a nut, and introduces everyone to Alice P. Corn (A. Corn), an acorn. Alice and Tom share the story of how they met and overcoming her preconceptions of humans. They also enjoy playing “Nuts to Butts” with each other. Usidore is moved by their love and wants to cook a flan for Tom and Alice. Alice gives a monologue about how she looks forward to the day when society will stop calling groups and relationships out and treat them relationship like normal. Tom looks forward to working up to having a tree up his butt. Mister Chauney is somewhat skeptic of their relationship, while Usidore says he will continue classifying people by groups.

The group then go through several discussions, including the impracticality of witches eating children and constructing houses with food, leaving trails of entire bread loaves to find your way home, how forests change by either magic or defecation, and Catholics.

Usidore says that most Gettin’ Nuts episodes are under 30 seconds. They start to wrap up the show, but Chunt accidentally calls Alice Corn by Alison Nut.

Foon sponsors

  • Thrak the Thunder God for the home cleaning company Guster Dusters
  • Twirl Squirrel and Girl Squirrel for United Squirrel Space Realty (USSR) which is all about storing nuts for you but not about stealing you in the night

Additional appearances

Earth references


  • Arnie does not appear in this episode per se, but he does wake up from a nap to do the sponsor reads.
  • Recorded live at the Now Hear This Podcast Festival in New York City, NY on September 9, 2017.

Behind the scenes

Gettin’ Nuts (w/ Paul F. Tompkins, Live from Now Hear This)
Image Unavailable
Top: Usidore, Mister Chauncey, Chunt
Bottom: Usidore, Chunt, Alice P. Corn, a "series of bats"
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