Season 2, Ep 37 - Crone
Season 2, Ep 37 – Crone
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Air Date: November 27, 2017 Episode Link
Previous Episode S02E37 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Usidore, Chunt Guests: Crone Bakeress
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Chris Rathjen Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz

Sponsored by: Magic Tavern Adventure on the Amazon Alexa, Sock Fancy (code: MAGIC), and SyFy series Happy!

Description

"We’re joined by a withered old crone that makes delicious baked goods and steals water."

Summary

Usidore and Arnie discuss "think-dreaming," a form of dreaming that allows Usidore to maintain control over his sleeping subconscious. Wizard dreams are terrifying. Arnie recalls having viewed one of Usidore's dreams, and it was just a lot of whining about Spintax. Usidore thinks that may have been Spintax's dream.

Arnie seems to have lost the show's typical format, so Chunt talks him through it. Chu Chu's Chow has a new menu item—Jock Jam, an enchanted jam that makes you good-humored. Arnie still isn't sure how he's supposed to react. So much change, so fast. He asks Chunt to Cyrano him through the episode. After hearing the explanation, Chunt notes that in Foon, that's called Roxanne-ing.

Chunt walks Arnie through introducing this week's guest, a withered old crone. Her name is even Crone. Crone Bakeress. Usidore asks if her parents gave her this name, but no. Crones are known as Hey You until they receive their calling. She has brought a selection of delicious baked goods from her shop, including Wizard Dream cookies. She offers them to the lads and christens our blue boy "Usidorable." Her shop also has some of the best scrones in all of Foon. She confesses the secret ingredient is stolen water. Usi offers her a chance to record a live ad for her shop.

She records an ad highlighting her shop's Wizard Dreams, Crone-ssants, crookies, and Foon-famous scrones. She ends the spot with a terrifying crone cackle. Arnie thinks this seems unsettling and ominous. Like he's being lured to his doom with baked goods. They have a brief discussion about narrative voice, and Arnie gets confused. Way to put that Masters in creative writing to work, Arnie. Bear down!

Arnie asks her what the crone community is like. They all live on three boats on a stolen lake. Usidore trades places with Chunt in the bushes and starts feeding Arnie questions for Crone regarding how she feels about evil and whether she'll join the quest to destroy evil. Arnie commands Chunt and Usi to trade places again because Usi's lines are just too long for him to remember.

Returning from the ad break, Arnie bluntly asks about Crone's appearance and (prompted by Chunt) asks if she has Crone's Disease. Usidore comments on her beautiful hair which he can see peeking out from beneath the hood of her robe, and she becomes very agitated. It's just straw, she insists. Arnie adds that her wrinkles look like poorly applied makeup. Usidore asks about her straw conditioning routine, and she hastily mentions goat's milk. The way elves do it, Usidore persists. Crone becomes extremely nervous and tries to take a Foon call on a crone-ssant. Foon? Phone? Chunt is pretty sure he's never shown her Arnie's phone. Crone explains that she's a regular fan of the show and when she heard about the truce with the Dark Lord, she felt she should drop by with cookies and make sure it's true.

Usidore outlines that the truce is only temporary. They must defeat the Void first, and then they will strike him down once and for all. She asks — for a friend — if a warrior elf were in hiding, would it be smarter for them to remain in hiding. after a brief discussion about forcibly disrobing her, she is suddenly revealed to be… Braidwynn the Warrior Elf!

She's been in hiding since her last appearance on the show, working on perfecting her crone laugh. But she maintains that stolen water really is delicious. Usidore flirtily steals her own water, and she lets fly with that charming cackle once again. Usidore proposes that they never release this episode to protect her identity. Arnie feels she's too good of a guest to not release it. She asks if the episode could be delayed. Usidore offers to release the episode as usual, but he'll cast a memory spell to make everyone forget.

EMAILS:

Andrew O Ellis asks if there are Tarot cards in Foon.

Answer: There are fortune tellers who use crystal balls, or rolling bones, or Carrot Cards. The number of carrots on each card symbolizes something different, and if you get the Bunny, you are DOOMED.

Usidore ends the episode with a spell about…what was I typing?

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Notes

Behind the Scenes

Crone
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Chunt, Usidore, Crone Bakeress, Arnie
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