Season 2, Ep 39 – nymbee and Grundle (w/ Paul and Storm)
Season 2, Ep 39 – nymbee and Grundle (w/ Paul and Storm)
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Air Date: December 11, 2017 Episode Link
Previous Episode S02E39 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Usidore, Chunt Guests: nymbee and Grundle
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz

Sponsored by: SockFancy and Away

Description

"Foon’s most famous band is back to play a few more songs before they break up again."

Summary

Chunt has brought back “baby don’t know” as a catchphrase, as he feels he’s been criticized for not keeping it fresh, which he thinks is hypocritical. Arnie insists that he doesn’t say the same thing every time, and opened ep 82 with a dream he had as a teenager. Usidore, who was present for his cohosts’ discussion about repetition, does not do his full name as a result. Arnie checks in on the search for the weapons hidden in the tavern. Usidore has found a scroll in a tomb in Scrr, which says there’s a magic wand hidden “behind the hanging head of the elk”. For some reason he finds this clue inscrutable, even after Chunt points out there’s a giant elk head hanging over the bar.

Usidore has passed some new decrees this week: 1) no more littering in the streets; 2) don’t poop in the fountain while drinking out of it (there’s a 1 hour waiting period); 3) everyone should smile more. They discuss Chunt’s resting badger face and his intimidating smile. Usidore adds 4) giving extra blankets to the poor and needy.

Chunt asks if Usidore remembers the supposed episode 82 intro which included Arnie’s dream; he does but says it was so terrible and sad, he casts a spell on the spot that removes the story from the podcast (unfortunately the summary for that episode was completed by someone who had heard this one before writing it).

Their guests this week are the returning halfling bards nymbee and Grundle. After Chunt does a secret handshake with Grundle, Arnie points out how wild it is he’s friends with celebrities now. He admits it’s weird, but nymbee and Grundle assert they’re totally normal except for being famous and incredibly wealthier. Arnie accidentally disses their height, but winds up being reminded how inconveniently tall he is. Nymbee and Grundle discuss the things that annoy them at concerts besides tall people, like fans taking etchings and requesting “Free Hawk”.

Grundle admits that while they stopped by on their tour to see Chunt, he also wants to apologize for accusing Usidore of being a member of the Wizard Tri-lateral Council. They make up, but are distressed to discover that nymbee thinks the Dark Lord isn’t that bad. Fortunately they manage to segue into their song “Wouldn’t It Be Better” (written by nymbee).

Grundle inquires about the state of Chunt’s buttholes, which they use as a segue to their song “Bung Shui”, which they have now. They haven’t finished it because Grundle was very drunk when he wrote it. He claims his alcoholism is a coping mechanism. Arnie is somewhat concerned that nymbee has become such an avid Dark Lord supporter, and Usidore is similarly concerned that he keeps mentioning eating people. He asserts that it used to be normal among The People millennia ago, and shares his song “Badgers Are Delicious”.

Arnie subsequently has to try and talk Chunt out of volunteering to be eaten by his heroes, but accidentally mislabels them “Hobbits” in a typical ignorant “Doubles” fashion. Grundle makes some potentially incendiary generalizations about Hobbits, but Arnie learns how to distinguish them (halflings don’t have hairy feet). Arnie is still worried about what they consider to be an acceptable food source, which is anything other than The People (and wizards, solely because they’re too salty); but is persuaded this is not dissimilar from Earth eating habits.

Nymbee is suspiciously interested in the hidden weapons in the tavern, which he suggests as payment for the theme song they wrote for Chu Chu’s Chow. While they’re discussing the clue again, he manages to find a Rainbow Sword under his chair. Arnie asks about its properties, and Usidore explains in song.

Grundle suggests he not quit his day job, but nymbee says he’s now definitely safe from being eaten thanks to his talents. Arnie points out Usidore was clearly the only one who could’ve sung it, since his name is in the first line, prompting Chunt to sing the Foonian version of “The Name Game” (which is exactly the same) about Arnie.

They discuss the fluidity of music in Foon, and the smokability of setlists, which leads them back to Arnie’s expunged dream, prompting him to sing about it. No one is very comfortable with quantifying the hotness of his mom.

Arnie requests - and Grundle seconds - that Usidore do the spell again to remove the memory of the dream (unfortunately, it doesn’t work on the wiki this time). The conversation takes a turn into a much less upsetting topic: wondering why no one had considered eating Chunt until now. Grundle suggests that the Chu Chu’s Chow advertising and menu should include Chunt. Arnie points out that since the sign for the restaurant is in fact a “crazy cartoon” version of Chunt, he may have always appeared to be on the menu, depending on your interpretation of the apostrophe.

After the break, they talk about the number of times nymbee and Grundle have broken up; including seven times since breakfast. Grundle sets the record straight, though, that his heart only stopped for 3 minutes that one time due to excessive alcohol, not because nymbee stabbed him. Nymbee asserts it wasn’t really a murder attempt, just a peacemaking tactic, and Chunt accepts the gift of the Rainbow Sword as a “will you just please shut the fuck up” sword. Grundle and nymbee abruptly reunite, but then Grundle quits immediately. They perform their usual opening song, which is reflective of this tradition.

Arnie and Usidore have to interrupt the song when Grundle starts talking about the Jews again. He tries to defend this as nymbee escalates the degree to which they’re broken up as he moves further and further away from the mic. Usidore defuses the situation with a round of drinks, which are especially strong, causing nymbee to invent “jazz”. As it turns out, “jazz” is just him wandering around the tavern trying to rhyme with “rainbows”. Usidore, however, likes the “jam feel” and they all sing his full name.

Afterwards, they all agree the alcohol is very strong. Chunt is disappointed that he hasn’t gotten to sing his full name with his favorite band, and nymbee agrees he should (lyrics in notes).

Nymbee invites Usidore to come on tour with them after they eat Chunt, as long as he brings the top-shelf stuff and all the hidden weapons in the tavern. Grundle gives them a dagger he’s found, and they discuss various aspects of it which are real facts having nothing to do with references to the Rolling Stones.

Arnie asks if they know any songs about the Vermilion Minotaur, so they perform a traditional song among The People they’ve known since childhood. Arnie determines there must be clues in the song, and Usidore confirms this by saying “the words” to two objects in the tavern, and then spining a wheel to reveal another knife. They’re not sure it’s particularly helpful, so nymbee gives them an address to forward anything they find and can’t use; for absolutely no reason and certainly not because he’s stocking a compound.

They talk a bit more about touring traditions; Usidore decides the prospect of eating delicious sheep people is too good to pass up, and agrees to go on tour with them. Arnie is concerned he’ll be left alone in the tavern. They almost take him on as a roadie, but he can’t vouch for himself and Chunt is not a very good liar.

Chunt requests they finish up with a holiday song as it’s almost winter solstice, specifically “Don’t Let Me Die in the Snow”.

Now that they’re all in the solstice spirit, Chunt gives them all a representative badger banquet, including a chocolate badger Chunt Pop (Chop), Chunt Nuggets (Chuggets). They finish up with a final song, which is absolutely just loosely connected Pink Floyd references but might sync to your favorite movie, while getting “shelf-faced” on another round.

Songs by nymbee, Grundle, and the hosts (lyrics in Notes):

  • Wouldn't It Be Better
  • Bung Shui
  • Badgers Are Delicious
  • Usidore's untitled song about rainbow swords
  • Arnie's untitled dream song
  • I Hate Your Guts (unofficial title)
  • Jazz Song (feat. Rainbows and Usidore's Full Name) (unofficial title)
  • I'm Chunt
  • The Vermilion Minotaur (unofficial title)
  • Don't Let Me Die in the Snow

Additional Appearances

Chest Trünkborn [inaudible]

Earth References

  • Triforce
  • Greyhound buses
  • "Smile more"
  • Resting bitch face
  • "I'm So Excited" — The Pointer Sisters
  • "Free Bird" — Lynyrd Skynyrd
  • Feng shui
  • "The Purple People Eater" — Sheb Wooley
  • "Closer" — Nine Inch Nails
  • Hobbits
  • The More You Know PSA
  • trademarks
  • "one to stock, one to rock" sneakerhead saying
  • "The Name Game" — Shirley Ellis
  • "Smells Like Teen Spirit" — Nirvana
  • Judaism
  • The Elf on the Shelf
  • Souvenir shops
  • Phish, Trey Anastasio on the trampoline
  • The Rolling Stones — Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood, "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction", Beggars Banquet, Forty Licks
  • Gallagher Too
  • Thing 1 and Thing 2 (The Cat in the Hat)
  • Eddie MurphyEddie Murphy Raw, The Klumps, The Distinguished Gentleman, The Golden Child, A Thousand Words
  • Mia Farrow
  • Pink Floyd — "Comfortably Numb", "Breathe", "Money", "Another Brick in the Wall"

Notes

  • A rainbow sword is a curved, scimitar-like sword which can attract any color to it, to use to blind opponents. It can also kill leprechauns.
  • nymbee and Grundle have another brother, Grundle Too, who’s bitten their act.
  • The episode finishes with a special edition of Craigcast from Steamboat Craig, where he “casts this fishing line out into the Mighty Missisip’” to see if he can catch anything for dinner. He succeeds (somehow).

Notes (Song Lyrics)

Wouldn't It Be Better, by nymbee, as performed by nymbee and Grundle
N: Wouldn’t it be better
G: If we were all subject to the power of the Dark Lord
N: Today
G: You have to admit it
He keeps the wagons running on time
And things are much more efficient
When you’re under threat of death all the time
N: Come under thrall with us
G: Come do it all with us
N: We won’t throw you under the bus

Bung Shui, as performed by nymbee and Grundle
G & N: Bung shui,
(G) Gotta have a bung shui
(N) Gotta try it today
G: And it makes you say hey and other things that rhyme with shui

Badgers Are Delicious, by nymbee, as performed by nymbee and Grundle
N: What do I want
When I’m feeling rather peckish
Lettuce? NO.
I like something furry and striped
G: Preferably with lots of buttholes or at least more than the normal number of buttholes
G & N: We want badger! We want badger! Badger! Badger!
Yummy yummy badger, goes right down.

Untitled (song about rainbow swords), as performed by Usidore
Listen now to Usidore’s word
I know about the Rainbow Swerd
It’s time that we lift it above our head
And then very soon our enemies will be dead
I like Rainbow Swords for killing
They’re not used for textiles or milling
Swords with magic powers can grow
And swords with magic powers can sow the earth

Untitled (song about a dream), as performed by Arnie
I had a dream I was in high school again
All the girls were looking at me
I was afraid of them
I had a dream (he had a dream)
My mom was there (oh mama)
I could sing but I was all over the place (all over the place) in this dream
G: Sing more about your mama, was she hot?
C: On a scale from one to ten, how hot was your mama?
A: In this dream I refuse to categorize my mom by a scale of hotness
N: she must have been very hot G: he wants to have sex with his mother
very hot, we’ll all have sex with Arnold’s mom his hot, hot hot sexy mom

I Hate Your Guts (unofficial title), as performed by nymbee and Grundle
G: I hate your guts
N: I hate your guts!
G: I quit this fucking band
N: Cause you’re such a schmuck
G: Hey there’s a bunch of people out here, they got money,
And you wanna form a band again
N: I hate your guts!
G: We’ll do the show
I hate this guy but I’m gonna exploit you people for your cash
Then we’re gonna break up again
N: Then we might eat you!
G: You fuckin’ sheep you’re all just tools of the Dark Lord
N: I hate your guts!
G: Not to mention you’re tools of the Jews—

Jazz Song (feat. Rainbows and Usidore's Full Name)(unofficial title), as performed by nymbee and Usidore
N: The stars in your eyes
Rainbows
Trainbows
Brainbows in your eyes
Your thighs, there are rainbows
So many rainbows
(At this point he stops singing to retrieve 80 tiny swords from the ceiling which he claims fit together)
U: I’m Usidore, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephysiyies
Master of light and shadow
Manipulator of magical delight (C: Don’t fight)
Devourer of chaos, champion of the Great Halls of Terr’akkas (Rock us, rock us)
Known to the elves as Fi’ang Yalok (Fangy Yelly)
Known to the dwarves as Zoenen Hoogstandjes (Hoobastank, Hoobastank!)
C: They call me Fangy Yelly
U: And known in the Northeast as Gaissssmunēnasssss Meiiiiiiistaaaaaaar~

I'm Chunt, as performed by Chunt
I’m Chunt

The Vermilion Minotaur (unofficial title), traditional song as performed by nymbee and Grundle
G: In your travels cross the land
In your merry, merry traveling halfling band
There is a place to take all your face and the rest of you
It’s the best tavern in the entire world
The Vermilion Minotaur
N: you can travel very far
The Vermilion Minotaur
Has all the weapons you need
You look under the thing
Behind the other thing, say the words in the proper order
And you’ll find that which you seek, the thing that’ll save the strong and the meek
At the Vermilion Minotaur

Don't Let Me Die in the Snow, as performed by nymbee and Grundle
G: Getting cold outside, I’m gonna run and hide
From all of my gambling debts my brother incurred
I hope he dies real soon (Dies real soon)
And leaves the land of Foon (Leave it all to me)
And then I hope that my brother dies too
N: But if I die, don’t let me die
In the snow
If I must cry (If you must cry)
Please bake the dough
Into cookies for the solstice
G: that would be the most-est
We could eat the cookies after we eat
A lot of badger and sheep

Behind the Scenes

nymbee and Grundle (w/ Paul and Storm)
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