Season 2, Ep 44 – Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths (w/ David Plotz live from Washington D.C.)
Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths (w/ David Plotz live from Washington D.C.)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date January 22, 2018
Episode no. S02E44
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests nymbee and Conrad Von Plotz the Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Garrett Schultz
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
The Walk podcast and ZipRecruiter
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"Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths" is the forty-fourth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on January 22, 2018.


We interview a mouth piece of the Dark Lord in a packed tavern. We’re also joined by a solo nymbee of nymbee and Grundle. (Recorded live at the historic Sixth & I synagogue in Washington D.C.)


In the intro, Arnie admits he’s been trying to salvage a previous recording which became corrupted. Usidore suspects it was the influence of their evil guest; Chunt assumes it’s Arnie’s fault. However, Usidore has been working on podcast spells and has one for “podcast resurrection” to try.

The spell works, so that we are now hearing events from the past. Usidore is in the middle of discussing what he’s been doing to help Hogsface now that they’re running it. He was briefly stuck on another plane, but now he’s back, with the brilliant idea every citizen in town should have a new hat.

Arnie has a surprise: nymbee of nymbee and Grundle is in the house. The band has broken up again, after an incident at the Burning the Man festival, when a drunken Grundle kept setting people (he wasn’t supposed to) on fire. Nymbee assures them the breakup is temporary and commonplace. At Chunt’s excited request, nymbee plays some of “Wonder Wall” (after Usidore uses magic to turn the amp on). (Transcripts of this and all subsequent songs are in Notes.)

Arnie inquires about nymbee’s (and Grundle’s) songwriting process, and whether rhyming ever makes the song length get away from them. Nymbee confirms that there’s a rock they use to find rhyming words. Arnie requests the song “Sex is Fantastic” (though nymbee says he’s only just written it).

Their next guest is an emissary of the Dark Lord; Conrad Von Plotz, his Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths. They start off on the wrong foot, as Conrad is disappointed this is such a large gathering and they haven’t played the national anthem yet. Nymbee agrees to play it. Once Conrad stands up, nearly everyone in the tavern does as well (except for a few who’d already taken a knee).

Arnie thinks this is evidence of Conrad’s power, but he insists he’s only a proud minion of the Dark Lord. He does object to the “Dark Lord” part, and suggests a more casual “Lord Fred” as he’s known to his friends. Conrad spins a question about his own relationship to “Lord Fred” to assert he’s a friend to all the people of Foon, not just the elites. Conrad’s job is to make sure that everyone knows the Dark Lord’s words aren’t literal, except when they absolutely are, and to bring out the lighter side of the Dark Lord. Arnie objects to the legitimacy of his “our Lord” phrasing, but Conrad fires back by questioning Arnie’s citizenship. Usidore points out that he does have special citizenship, as provided by King Belaroth before his death.

Conrad continues on insisting that “Lord Fred’s” actions are being misinterpreted, and it’s his job to set them straight. They suggest Conrad explain some of the things they’ve heard. Usidore has heard that he flayed his old rival Telephys the White, and would’ve killed him had Usidore not come to the rescue. Nymbee insinuates Telephys provoked this action by looking like a wizard. Conrad adds the Dark Lord would never flay anyone white, and this is characteristic of the lies being spread. Chunt, for his part, is still hoping maybe they could be friends.

In response to a muffled shout from the audience, Arnie asks to hear the song “Fake Moos”, but accidentally backs himself into singing the lyrics. Chunt begrudgingly compliments him on his performance. Conrad is very uncertain about the possibility of having to sing himself.

Arnie is concerned by vague rumors Conrad’s boss has been destroying the ground and the trees. Conrad criticizes their negativity, and their failure to see how the dwarven miners have been prospering as result. When Usidore says that it’s not progress if it’s only good for a small group, Conrad accuses him of being an elitist because he’s a wizard, triggering a fiery rant (#treesistance) which elicits a big cheer from the tavern. Arnie admits that Usidore does look down on people sometimes. Particularly him, for having dumb opinions he believes to be right.

Continuing his attempts to win over the hosts, Conrad uses the sponsor break of a Foonian political podcast to try to find common ground with Usidore over wand control. He does not succeed.

However, while demonstrating responsible wand ownership in an irresponsible fashion, Usidore somehow breaks the efficacy of the spell that was restoring the podcast in the present. He tries a different one, and is able to save another of nymbee’s songs. Chunt is very annoyed that all his incredibly hilarious bits somehow got lost in the corrupted file and cannot be similarly resurrected. He and Arnie try to describe the original opening, which seems to be slightly embroidered by both of them. The outro is a bit of a lost cause now as well, so Usidore does some vocal warmups, and then presumably a spell.

Songs by nymbee included (lyrics below in Notes):

  • Wonder Wall
  • Sex is Fantastic
  • Foon's National anthem
  • Fake Moos
  • Lutin' in Foon

Foon sponsor

  • Danielle Kurtzleben, live from FPR (Foon Public Roundtables) where they discuss the day's events, announcing their new politics podcast

Earth references

  • Burning Man
  • "Wonderwall" — Oasis
  • Donald Trump
  • The White House
  • Trump's alleged relationships with younger women
  • "Not my President"
  • Immigration laws
  • "Fake news"
  • Bye Bye Birdie
  • Flyover states
  • Women Presidents
  • Obamacare
  • Bernie bros
  • "Thoughts and prayers"
  • Gun control
  • Legalization of marijuana
  • "If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns"
  • Waiting period for firearms
  • Background checks
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
  • Led Zeppelin
  • The Ides of March


  • This is the first time the boys may be aware of the Technical Difficulties Witch after hearing her cackling at the end of the live show portion
  • nymbee and Grundle’s second biggest hit is “I’m Good at Magic”.

Notes (song lyrics)

Wonder Wall - as performed by nymbee
Have you ever wondered
Who makes the call?
It’s me, from my magical place
That I stand on top of
Every evening
Casting spells
That’s why I tell you
It’s my Wonder Wall
I hope I don’t fall
Cause it’s tall
(and then another ten more minutes of that)

Sex is Fantastic - as performed by nymbee
Some people have properties that one might call elastic
Some might go around the moon and act quite spastic
But my favorite ones of all don’t go to a mall
What the hell is a mall?
Sex is fantastic

The Foonian National Anthem - as performed by nymbee
If you can imagine a place you love
More than yourself
That you’d give your life for
Then this is what you have to do:
Give up your rights

Fake Moos - as performed by Arnie (with assistance from nymbee)
This cow is not real
I know by the feel
I’ve touched so many cows in my life
In lots of places, it’s not weird
Let’s not dwell on the thing I said about touching cows
Look this is
About the cows
Not about me
(Not about you, it’s the cows)
What I’m saying is they’re fake cows
I’m not a pervert
I’m not a pervert

Lutin’ in Foon - as performed by nymbee
Me and my lute playing brother
Are creatures of the road
We don’t like one another
Our teacher was a toad
She taught us of the places where The People dare not go
But we’re not good at listening, so now the list of towns we know
Vinegarban, Weaselthird, Guthrington, we were lutin’
Dirtpile Tower, Bryn-manuel, Anonymous Field of Flowers, yeah darn tootin’
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
Didn’t hear your town? Well, we’ll get there soon
(Like these ones)
Capitol City, Malfoi and Doof, McShingleshane Forest, we were lutin’
The Banks of Tyra, [unintelligible] and Scrr, the bridges of Gratax, time to get scootin’
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
Remember the towns by collecting their spoons!
(Oh, such a wonderful hobby)
It’s lutin’ in Foon
(Okay, now it’s time for the wonderful time, when I do the magical talk-singing thing!)
When I can’t be in my land, then I hie to Eric’s Island! Big fan, Bandit Island’s nice-ier cause taters there are spicier
Kicks down by The Lake can make a Shrike vacate her Valley, and the alleys of Fingaria are filled with valiant warriors
My gosh got dossed in Migas tossed her sauce way down in Gunder! Under Oakland you’ll find Glorian Falls
And Furlingshire! They licked our balls!
We like every town, we adore every place
And it’s more than simple pandering when we say that the best place of all — is Hogsface
Yes, we said the name of your town, because it’s so fucking fantastic!
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
One more chorus then the end of the tune
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
L-U-T-E and F-O-O-N, lutin’ in Foon
Don’t walk at night by the light of full moon, or drink from the waters of the snack lagoon
We really have to go, but we’ll be back real soon; sometimes a raccoon is just a raccoon


Recorded live at the Sixth & I Synagogue, Washington, D.C. on November 14, 2017.

Behind the scenes

  • The audience's laughter at the end was from Usidore waving his wand around like a maniac while defending responsible wand laws
  • On One Nation Under Whisky S2E6, Adal Rifai said his mic didn't work during this live show so he could barely hear what anyone else was saying.

Material that didn't survive the edit:

  • The fans in the front row with homemade #SquadGhouls t-shirts hand-lettered them with a pen like Claudia does
  • Chunt asking "Hey Arnie, what's that weird trident?" while pointing out a menorah behind them
  • Chunt twerking
  • Chunt and Usidore twerking together
  • References to Dinosaurs, Creepshow, Bad Santa, Spiro Agnew, Spyro the Dragon, Spy vs. Spy, RuPaul's Drag Race
Deputy Weaver of Parallel Truths (w/ David Plotz live from Washington D.C.)
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Danielle, nymbee, Usidore, Arnie, Conrad von Plotz and Chunt
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