| Wheel Bear | |
| Hello from the Magic Tavern episode | |
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| Air date | March 25, 2018 |
| Episode no. | S02E52 |
| Episode Link | |
| Cast | |
| Hosts | Arnie, Chunt, Usidore |
| Guests | Wheel Bear the Guard |
| Production | |
| Producers | Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi |
| Associate Producer | {$associateproducer} |
| Editor | Ryan DiGiorgi |
| Logo | Allard Laban |
| Theme music | Andy Poland |
| Audio assistance | Jason Knox |
| Production assistance | Garrett Schultz |
| Sponsor | |
| Harold Ramis Film School, ZipRecruiter and Threedom podcast | |
| Episode chronology | |
| ← Previous | Next → |
| "Squibbert" | "Advanced Offices & Bosses" |
| List of episodes | |
"Wheel Bear" is the fifty-second episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on March 25, 2018.
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Table of Contents
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Description
We interview a bear on wheels who also happens to be deputy to Sheriff Chunt.
Summary
Everyone in the Space Bunker is still asleep after last week’s shenanigans, except Craig. I hope sleepy time noises and snoring are your ASMR, cause there is a fair amount of it.
The episode proper opens as usual, but they’re all a bit confused about who’s supposed to be Mayor of Hogsface this week. They decide to let Mayor Manana technically be the mayor, but secretly pull the strings behind the scenes.
Chunt admits that he has no idea what he’s doing as Sheriff of Hogsface and is actually really corrupt. They argue for a bit about how Chunt should be more responsible before he reveals that he’s recently appointed a new deputy: Wheel Bear!
Wheel Bear is a very moral, upstanding person, which spells trouble for our somewhat morally gray hosts. He reveals that he has been working on two cases, one of which being the question who is popping children’s balls and why?
Chunt says that he has to admit something under the table. He’s been the one popping kid’s balls, because when you get a package in Foon they usually pack it with a bunch of kid testis. Arnie and Usidore say they’ll cover for him for Wheel Bear, but he has to get his shit together.
The second investigation is about the death of Blemish, immediately throwing Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore into a frenzy to cover their tracks.
To steer the conversation away from their crimes, they start talking about Wheel Bear’s anatomy. His feet are replaced with wheels, and he still has his balls. He got his wheels when his mother replaced his feet with wheels. Chunt asks him how he eats and wipes, prompting a discussion in normal bear anatomy where they decide he probably just eats with his mouth and poops wherever.
Chunt asks Wheel Bear if he has any leads on the Blemish case, and Wheel Bear says that Blemish was last seen “in this very area.” Usidore quickly tries to cover for them, but Wheel Bear seems agitated.
Arnie and Usidore make an excuse to go to the bar and get drinks for everyone to get away from Wheel Bear for a minute, leaving Chunt and Wheel Bear alone. They talk about Wheel Bear’s wife, Bearverly, and his daughter, Bearbra. Chunt tries to tell him he should go home and spend more time with his family instead of investigating, but it doesn’t work.
Then Chunt asks if he can come clean about something, which Arnie overhears. He tries to stop Chunt from coming clean, but Chunt continues anyway and admits… that Blemish was the one popping kid’s balls, and he was so ashamed he ran off.
Wheel Bear seems very agitated by this, which reminds Chunt of the very important detail that Wheel Bear can smell lies.
Arnie asks what the punishment would be if they… say, accidentally murdered someone but didn’t report it and covered it up instead. They are informed that they would be killed the same way and left unreported as long as the victim was.
After more diversions, Chunt comes out and admits that they killed someone…. That someone being 52 sacks of sentient flour. Wheel Bear says that as long as no one had sexual congress with the flour, it was fine (read: they’re screwed).
Wheel Bear was born with human feet, which he wishes his mother had decided to cut off before he was 6. Then they talk about their dicks for literally an entire minute before taking a break.
When they come back, Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are still acting shifty as hell.
Wheel Bear shows them how he moves around until he gets distracted by the basement where they killed Blemish. He can’t go down stairs though, so Arnie volunteers Chunt to go down and investigate instead.
He pretends to find a note down there that reads:
To whom it may concern,
Buh-bye!
Loveless,
Blemish
Wheel Bear laments that the note would have solved everything if it said anything about the ball popping. Chunt suddenly conveniently remembers another note he found, which read:
To whom it may concern,
I’ve been popping those balls. You know it’s me! Buh-bye!
A couple diversions later, Usidore tells them that the bears know him as the legendary Grizzly Wondertooth. He recounts his legend, which is a great bear story but not a great human story. No beginning, middle, or end.
Wheel Bear tells another bear story that reminds Arnie of his daughter, which prompts them to start talking about kids and eventually brings out Kid Usidore.
Arnie asks to speak with Usidore under the table about Kid Usidore, who’s probably overheard everything they’ve been saying and could tell Wheel Bear. Usidore decides he must kill Kid Usidore and shrinks down so that he can yell at him.
Kid Usidore jumps out of Usidore’s hat to rat on Usidore, but Wheel Bear takes Usidore’s side. Kid Usidore tries again to rat them out by playing two truths and one lie, one of the truths being that Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore killed Blemish. Wheel Bear picks out the lie, but doesn’t seem to react to the truths.
Emails
First email is for Chunt, and asks him if he ever loses his penis when he shape shifts and has to find it again. This prompts another very long discussion about everyone’s dicks.
The second email is for Arnie, and reminds him about Verterrilax, a “dragon” who emailed him very early in the podcast and is probably a piece to the puzzle of the “Verterrilax Wakes” riddle they got earlier.
Notes
During the ending bumper, Craig gives a big thank you to everyone who has been helping to fix up this wiki, specifically:
- messgirl
- Kinglylightning
- ofhauntings
- adarkly
- Sliferjam
- inlittlestars
- corruptedgem
- Slackferno
- OhYeahitsJosh
- adaia
- Zeichenelster
(Thanks for the shoutout, Craig!)
Additional appearances
- Kid Usidore
New characters
- Sugar Ray
Earth references
- Sashay away! (RuPaul's Drag Race)
- Bananas in Pajamas
- Sugar Ray - "I Just Wanna Fly"
- Kix - "Kid Tested, Mother Approved"
- Pringles - "Once you pop, you just can't stop"
- Law & Order (Chung Chung sound)
- “I’m getting too old for this shit” (Lethal Weapon)
- "Does a bear shit in the woods?"
- The Charmin Bears
- Baloo (The Jungle Book)
- whippits
- Disney's Country Bear Jamboree
- Swordfish
- The Godfather
- They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
- Winnie-the-Pooh
Behind the scenes
| Wheel Bear |
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| Wheel Bear, Chunt, Arnie, Usidore |