| Advanced Offices & Bosses | |
| Hello from the Magic Tavern episode | |
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| Air date | April 1, 2018 |
| Episode no. | S02E53 |
| Episode Link | |
| Cast | |
| Hosts | Arnie, Chunt, Usidore |
| Guests | Metamore |
| Production | |
| Producers | Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi |
| Associate Producer | {$associateproducer} |
| Editor | Garrett Schultz |
| Logo | Allard Laban |
| Theme music | Andy Poland |
| Audio assistance | Jason Knox |
| Production assistance | Garrett Schultz |
| Sponsor | |
| Hello Fresh (code: TAVERN30) | |
| Episode chronology | |
| ← Previous | Next → |
| "Wheel Bear" | "Fangy Yelly" |
| List of episodes | |
"Advanced Offices & Bosses" is the fifty-third episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on April 1, 2018.
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Table of Contents
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Description
Metamore is back to help us play another game of Offices and Bosses…and share some news about the spin-off.
Summary
Arnie introduces the cast and says that he’s trying to be proactive about making Hogsface better, but Chunt asks if he’s made any headway getting home. Arnie’s not too concerned about it, but it’s on his list. Chunt calls him “conactive” instead of “proactive”. Chunt has been sprucing up his hovel because Mayor Manana is staying with him. Usidore went to the tombs of Fleem. He found a grimoire and one of the spells in the book he thinks can help them defeat The Void. Usidore gets distracted from telling us what the spell is and while he shouts his name, he declares that he’s not going to tell people he has secret names. The boys are growing and learning so much *wipes tear*.
Arnie declares that first on the list is Offices & Bosses season two and announces that Metamore is the guest this week! Arnie asks what Metamore is up to. Metamore explains what Offices & Bosses is about and Arnie says it still doesn’t connect with him.
Someone brings up surgery and Chunt asks Arnie if any famous Earth people have had cosmetic surgery. Arnie thinks about it for a second then mentions that his good friend Adal Rifai had a few different dick surgeries. Chunt says he sounds like a cool dude with a great dick.
Metamore brings up that they think that he’s Dragonborn. But he can only burp fire. There’s a kid he grew up with that could burp the alphabet (Vance McGee, who may or may not be related to Swamps McGee), and it’s kind of like that. He asked his mother about his potential birth rite, but she refuses to talk about her background or his father’s background. Usidore tries to see if Metamore can do anything else with fire: breathe it in, spit it, etc. Usidore brings a goblet of fire over to the table and Metamore successfully breathes it in!
Back to the game, Metamore announces that they will be playing Advanced Offices and Bosses, which means that everyone will be a boss! This also means that they have to create new characters:
Chunt decides between Magma Man, Shadow Man, or Hugo. Arnie says that Hugo is clearly the best. Hugo is a fun boss, completely incompetent but really cool. His luxury item is a small Toulouse-Lautrec painting that he keeps in his pocket, at first. Then he trades it in for an elephant.
Arnie says that since he played as Ryan DiGiorgi last time, this time he will play Ryan’s dad, or Daddy DiGiorgi. Daddy decides to be emotionally withholding. His luxury item is a golden statue of his son, Ryan. He then trades his son in for a very expensive tie. Hugo ends up taking the golden Ryan statue and putting it on his elephant.
Usidore comes up with Alex Baldwin. Alex is a tantrum boss, unpredictable and wild. His luxury item is a gold, diamond-encrusted Rolex watch.
Doctor Farquar approaches the group and asks if she can be their fourth. She wants to make it interesting, and Hugo offers up his elephant-riding Ryan. When that doesn’t work, he offers up a scratchy lottery ticket. How plebeian.
She mentions that there has been word around the country club that some people haven’t been very mean to the staff. Alex states he’s been very mean, leaving awful voicemails. Farquar says that they all need to leave to the Maitre’d of the club to ensure they can stay in the club.
Alex rolls a 12 + Angry Boss bonus 5 for a 17. He lands it with no problem. Daddy asks if he can turn it into a power play over Farquar, and Metamore allows it. Hugo proclaims that they should call him Adal Rifai, because he’s about to be the perfect dick. As the cool boss, he might have some negative effects. His voicemail doesn’t go very well in terms of scathing. Doctor Farquar thinks Hugo is some undercover boss. Daddy wants to confront the Maitre’d face to face instead of over a voicemail. Daddy takes him aside and tells him he doesn’t want yell at him, and instead wants to adopt him, turn him into Brian DiGiorgi, and convince Brian to kill the other two bosses.
Daddy gives Brian an ax for him to decapitate everyone. Metamore says that he needs like a 19 or 20 in order to convince Brian to do that. Daddy trades in his tie for an extra +6 on his roll. He rolls a 12 to make it 18 and Brian asks if he can only kill one person. Brian chooses Alex because he was mean to him.
Alex uses the action “Manic Episode” and apologizes to Brian, handing him the keys to his car. Hugo uses the action “Let My Real Age Slip” and states that he hasn’t seen an outburst like that since World War I. Metamore rolls for Alex’s episode, but Brian still wants to kill him. Alex finds out that Daddy wants Brian to kill him. Alex rolls to try to get away to his submarine that is parked in the water hazard on the golf course, but rolls a 3 and doesn’t make it.
Hugo tries to sink his submarine and succeeds. He also sinks Daddy’s battleship in the process. Alex rolls to sling some sand in Brian’s face and it lands. He’s blinded temporarily. Alex calls out to Hugo to help him out. Hugo takes out his guitar and starts to play. He also rolls to call out a hip phrase that all the cool kids use, but rolls a 3 and yells out “FOMO!” instead. Daddy gets between Brian and Alex.
We find out the source of Alex’s anger is that he never learned how to read. Alex proclaims that his shits are better than Daddy’s and Hugo wants to roll to try to sink their battle-shits, but misses. Daddy rolls a number 2, which is the best roll in this situation. Alex tries to recover as he sees his end is near. He laughs everything off as a joke. Daddy agrees on one condition: nothing happens to Brian. Alex slips Brian $500 to take a swing at Daddy DiGiorgi and the roll lands. It hits Daddy in the shoulder blade. The ax takes 12.5 of his 13 HP.
Alex tries to undo the embarrassment by rubbing this in Daddy’s face. He also kicks some turf in his face, which does ¾ of a point of HP. He regains all of his privileges at the club. Hugo puts down his guitar and whacks his elephant in the butt to send him over to help Daddy. Even though Daddy is technically dead, the visage of his actual son restores a half of a hit point to him. We are reminded that if HP gets to zero, you can use your golden parachute to heal yourself. Arnie wishes to use it, but it causes him to disappear and reappear in his Miami Beach condo, thus ending the adventure.
Arnie winds down the podcast and announces season two of Offices & Bosses, which they will be doing an expansion pack: The Unemployed Edition.
Additional appearances
- Kid Usidore
- Chest Trünkborn
Earth references
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
- Adal Rifai
- Ryan DiGiorgi
- ping pong paddles
- meta
- Anne of Green Gables
- Styx - "Mr. Roboto" ("My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM")
- Alec Baldwin
- Mega Man, Magma Man, Shadow Man
- Hugo Boss
- Boss Baby
- Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
- Alakazam
- scratch lottery tickets
- You Don't Know Jack
- Shrek, Lord Farquaad
- Con Air, "Put the bunny back in the box"
- Undercover Boss
- double windsor tie knot
- World War I
- elephant ear pastries
- submarine
- Battleship
- FOMO
- taking a "number two"
- "Boss" Hogg (The Dukes of Hazzard)
- Men's Warehouse - "You're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it"
Notes
- During the ending bumper, Craig gives a huge shout out to Joe Cabrera, a longtime wiki contributor who was forgotten in the previous episode's mentions.
- Arnie yells Ryan DiGiorgi's actual daddy's name when he is attacked and screams "Bru-NO!!"
- Season two of Offices and Bosses takes place after this episode.
Behind the scenes
| Advanced Offices & Bosses |
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| Arnie, Metamore, Chunt, Usidore |