Season 2, Ep 56 – Jamillious Returns
Jamillious Returns
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date April 22, 2018
Episode no. S02E56
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Jamillious the Mauve, Fangy Yelly
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Ryan DiGiorgi
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Episode chronology
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"Jamillious Returns" is the fifty-sixth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on April 22, 2018.


Jamillious the Mauve Wizard visits to update us on the battle against the Dark Lord and possibly sponsor Arnie’s citizenship.


Arnie opens the show per usual, introducing Chunt, who does the worm. Chunt asks about Earth dancing, which Arnie has SO MUCH experience with. Chunt notices that Usidore is wearing a “Great Halls of Terr’akas” pin. Usidore says he’s trying to look his best, considering who their guest is. Chunt says that he has to duck out early, because he and Twosidore are heading to Make-Out Point. Arnie seems excited at the potential of Twosidore not making it out.

Usidore made meatloaf for them for dinner. Arnie declares that he took the written test of his citizenship test, but hasn’t gotten his test results back. Usidore reminds him that that’s only part of the process of becoming a citizen, the other part being sponsored by a wizard and doing a trial. Usidore gives Arnie a gold star.

Arnie welcomes Jamillious back to the table! Jamillious says that he’s been traveling and has picked up some new names: the vampires know him as My Queen To Be. Arnie calls Blemish over to test how he addresses Jamillious. He gets it pretty close, and Usidore corrects him.

Jamillious comments about how there’s some minions of the Dark Lord running around town, and Usidore goes into a rant about how he’ll kill the Dark Lord. Jamillious tells him to be cool about spreading around that info. Jamillious recalls his feats to free the badgers down south, who now have the ability to fight the Dark Lord and they are doing some great things. Usidore ruminates on this for a bit.

Twosidore comes by to pick up Chunt and the two leave. Arnie turns to Jamillious and asks if he also thinks Twosidore is the worst. Jamillious sort of half agrees and Arnie brings it back to Usidore just ruminating on what he can do to make the world better. Jamillious makes a statement about knowing when to step in and when to stay on the sidelines.

Arnie asks Jamillious what they can learn from his success in the south. Jamillious explains that they had agents of the Dark Lord in the south before anyone else. They chat about how the south and Usidore randomly interjects with “Smuckers!” Jamillious has to explain again about how they rose up against the Dark Lord. Usidore says that his arm is “the key”, and Arnie questions if that is literal. Jamillious is interested in his black arm.

Jamillious informs them that inside of every southern black person, there’s a small amount of magic inside. When they gather together, it’s taken to another level that creates a barrier of love and understanding. He says that’s why they celebrate “RDR” for a whole two weeks. Lots of parades and floats and if you show your butthole, people throw you trinkets.

Fangy Yelly comes by asking if they want soup in their butts and they discover that she has a crush on Jamillious! Jamillious says she’s hot. They don’t have memory gremlins down south. The Dark Lord put up some memory statues, but they are taking them down.

Arnie asks Jamillious to make some food so that he doesn’t have to eat Usidore’s meatloaf. Jamillious says a spell and a feast appears! He says that some people are trying to do the same, but instead of “potions” they are making “otions” which is a cheap knockoff.

Fangy Yelly brings some calamari to the table, and it turns out Jamillious loves seafood. Arnie informs Jamillious that even if he does have feelings for her, she needs to stay in the tavern to cover up their murder. Arnie wants to cut to a break, and hopes that Chunt is coming back. Usidore has to explain that Chunt is busy tonight and he probably isn’t coming back. They try to cheer Arnie up by telling him that Chunt can have love in his heart for multiple people, and that if it makes Arnie sad he can just eat his feelings like everyone else does.

After the break, Jamillious confesses that he’s a little worried. Usidore says that he just needs to focus on the fundamentals, which hypes Jamillious up and makes him feel better. Usidore says that good always triumphs over evil, but Arnie isn’t convinced. Usidore tells Arnie he needs to keep his eye on the prize, even though Arnie probably won’t live very much longer (compared to the wizards).

“Blemish” comes over with some rooster’s feet, mostly for Jamillious. They tell him that it’s Fangy Yelly and Usidore proclaims that LOVE BLOOMS ETERNAL! A bubble comes floating over, with Arnie’s test results. He’s too nervous, so Usidore checks for him.

Arnie earns a blue stone, which means he passed! Arnie thinks that’s it, now he’s a citizen! But no, Usidore reminds him that he needs a wizard sponsor. They propose that Jamillious become Arnie’s sponsor, but Jamillious says that Arnie then has to take on all of Jamillious’s trials, and he’s had a really hard life.

Fangy Yelly brings over some oranges to share with Jamillious. Apparently, she has to unhinge her jaw and eat through her esophagus. Gross.

Arnie wants to know who would be an easy wizard to have as a sponsor. There’s no real answer.

Usidore brings up his meatloaf and Jamillious wants to know if he serves it as his restaurant. They tell him that the restaurant burned down (or fell into a swamp, no one remembers). Arnie goes on a literal ranting angry tirade about not ever accepting Chu Chu’s Chow, and absolutely hating the whole story line. Usidore gets upset and tells Arnie that if he’s only going to have one emotional outburst on this show, don’t let it be this. But Arnie goes on about it. To diffuse the situation, Jamillious conjures more food. The friends apologize to each other.

Usidore tells people about the Twitter battle he had with Spintax. @Dunwichjoy posted a simple question, which spawned an argument. It’s on Usidore’s Twitter memories if you want to check it out.

Arnie asks how easy it would be for Blorth the Brown to sponsor him. Usidore says that’s probably not a good idea. Arnie has a wizard conjuring stone which he uses to conjure Usidore’s girlfriend. Usidore is a little upset about this and says that she ghosted him.


Maja from Sweden: The reader is pregnant and wants some Foonian baby name suggestions.

Answer: Dumbipple, Burroshnapp, Lightning Crotch, Concrete, Billy Yum Yum Two By Two, Ergobaby, Fourstones, Two Chains, HartzRentACar, Fleek, Fucking Philosophy Guy, Otok, Activia, Makeup Artist, Germ

Additional appearances

  • Twosidore

Earth references

  • “Takin’ Care of Business” - BTO
  • Rocky Horror Picture Show
  • Extra Chunky Jif
  • Extra Creamy Peter Pan
  • Southern Comfort
  • Smuckers
  • "If it’s yellow, let it mellow…"
  • “Black don’t crack”
  • The Care Bear Stare
  • Mardi Gras
  • Taking down Confederate statues
  • "We Shall Overcome"
  • Sly and the Family Stone
  • The Rolling Stones
  • Sharon Stone
  • kidney stones
  • Bob Dylan - "Everybody Must Get Stoned"
  • gerrymandering
  • lightning crotch
  • concrete
  • Hertz Rent-a-Car
  • Popeye the Sailor Man
  • ghosting

Behind the scenes

Jamillious Returns
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Arnie, Usidore, Jamillious the Mauve
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