Season 2, Ep 63 – Genie (w/ Lauren Lapkus)
Season 2, Ep 63 – Genie (w/ Lauren Lapkus)
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Air Date: June 10, 2018 Episode Link
Previous Episode S02E63 Next Episode
Hosts: Arnie, Usidore, Chunt Guests: Crystal the Genie
Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor: Ryan DiGiorgi Theme Music: Andy Poland Logo: Allard Laban
Audio Assistance: Jason Knox
Production Assistance: Garrett Schultz

Sponsored by:

Description

We find a lamp and talk to Crystal the Genie.

Summary

(Note: every time they mention a movie “Shazam” starring Shaq, they actually mean Kazaam)

The episode starts with a voice whispering for Craig to wake up, and eventually he wakes with a cry of “football practice!” Tricia is convinced she has fixed him and makes him read sponsor copy.

The guys are still in the Ruffled Feather tavern this week. Chunt compares the tavern to Spencer’s Gifts. Chunt is trying to set up Arnie and get him to go on a date. Usidore brings them drinks and the Ruffled Feathers special, cauliflower butts. Drew says one of Usidore’s secret names and catches on fire, and reluctantly Arnie lets Usidore put out the fire.

Arnie is low on money so he traded his socks for a lamp. Usidore knocks on the lamp, which replies “I don’t want any!” After some convincing the genie comes out of the lamp. The genie seems to be pretty shy. She’s taken an online personality quiz, which is where you put your answers on a clothes line and wait for results to come back, and she learned that she recharges by reading books alone.

We learn that her name is Crystal Ball Lamp. Every genie has the last name Lamp, so the genies cannot marry each other since it would be incest. She offers to give the guys their three wishes.

Chunt’s first wish is for Crystal to be a bit more extroverted. She pulls back her bangs and immediately starts to slam the guys, calling them weird and questioning Arnie’s shirt. After Arnie’s answer of “my wife bought it” she asks if it was a Borat reference (then quickly switched to board-rat, nice save Adal). Board-rat hangs out behind the Vermillion Minotaur and says “my wine!”

Crystal is wearing a “gold tassel nipple thing.” She’s only an inch tall and her hair is like a toothbrush.

Chunt wishes for Crystal to get a new name. They can’t outright ask what her new name is and it has to come up naturally in conversation. Arnie tries to get her to say it but Usidore messes it up, and they cut to break.

Crystal, though she isn’t Crystal anymore, asks for some thick wine from the bar. She gets back into the lamp to reintroduce herself. Arnie rubs the lamp and she pops back out, saying “hey its me, alt-right genie!”

Chunt wishes for Alt-right Genie to “have it all.” She gets stressed, five kids, a full time job, she’s CEO of a company, a thick wine, and every object known and not-known to man. Arnie wishes for Alt-right Genie to have happiness.

She gets another new name, Crystal Glass Chandelier, actually spelled Shantaleer. She’s back to her introverted self.

Crystal’s mom was a famous comedian, Punky Mothers. Her famous catchphrase was “what’s going on here!” Which she said at the end of every joke.

Usidore wishes for Arnold, Arnie interrupts to correct his name, which negates the wish. Usidore tries to make his second wish and Arnie interrupts *again* and he loses another wish.

They ask for wishing advice and Chunt gets called out for his bad wishes.

Arnie tries to make a wish, presumably to fix some large problem, and Chunt interrupts to say “no don’t go wider and bigger!” And Crystal decides to let this interruption pass as a wish and makes Arnie wider and bigger, and since she thinks the wish went well, Chunt gets a bonus wish.

Usidore thinks that they should use their final wishes to send Arnie home and defeat the Dark Lord. Chunt asks if they can wish for more wishes, and Crystal says no, that’s from every movie. Crystal can only watch genie related movies, but she wants to see The Social Network, so Arnie acts it out, which only involves him naming the actors in it.

Arnie wishes to look the way he did when the episode began, and he automatically starts to start the episode again. Crystal is tired and asks them to figured out their wishes soon.

Chunt is supposed to wish for no one in Foon to be killed or murdered before their time. He then immediately wishes for Arnie’s socks to return.

Usidore accidentally wishes for knowledge of his obsidian arm. He learns that if he sticks it in the middle of the void he can absorb it into his arm. Since the wish went well, Chunt gets another bonus wish.

Chunt wishes for Arnie to reenact Shazam, which he did in silence.

Arnie has to leave the lamp somewhere for someone else to find, and Crystal states that they were the best people she’s had find the lamp in a while. She’s been picked up by an ogre who wanted to do physical stuff, and a bunch of children that kicked her around.

Crystal gives them one more Punky Mother joke before she leaves. Arnie throws the lamp, and Macho Mantis Randy Mantis gets it.

Back in the space bunker, Craig comments that he doesn’t like when characters he likes completely change character. Tricia tells Craig that he flushed the Mysterious Man out the airlock and Craig is very concerned. A voice whispers in Craig’s head about how “this can’t last” and “don’t exist” and how his life is a lie.

Emails

Chunt gets one asking about how many buttholes he wants, and Chunt laments not asking for more buttholes. Crystal gives him another half a butthole, making his total two and a half.

New Characters

Earth References

Spencer Gifts
penis pasta
black light
online quizzes
desk lamp
Kid Rock
Borat, “my wife”
alt-right
Chandler Bing of Friends
bong
Lucille Ball
Aladdin
Kazaam
The Social Network, the Winklevoss twins
Andre the Giant
Gilligan’s Island
paywall
Jeopardy!
Twitter's former 140-character limit

Additional Appearances

Drew
Macho Mantis Randy Mantis

Behind the Scenes

Genie w/Lauren Lapkus
Image Unavailable
Usidore, Arnie, Crystal, Chunt
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