Season 2, Ep 64 – Scholar and Ogre
Scholar and Ogre
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date June 17, 2018
Episode no. S02E64
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests The Scholar, Glorbia the Ogre
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Chris Rathjen
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Episode chronology
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"Scholar and Ogre" is the sixty-fourth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on June 17, 2018.


The Scholar from the library of the Great Halls of Terr’akkas returns. And we meet an ogre as well.


Craig and Tricia are working together to discover the secrets of the space bunker and are being very supportive. The space bunker gets a call and it's the Mysterious Man, who wants back in. Craig hangs up and they start the episode, thought Craig is quite concerned.

The guys are still in the Ruffled Feather. Chunt demonstrates his dark magic by giving Arnie warts. Usidore tries to remove them with his sword and Macho Mantis Randy Mantis offers to eat them off his face. Mantis tells them how he found the genie last week and one of his wishes was to be a secular mantis, so his hands aren’t praying anymore. Mantis gnaws the warts off of Arnie face and leaves.

Usidore wants to research how to defeat the Void but Arnie interrupts to ask about Chunt’s 2.5 buttholes. Because Chunt wished to always have two buttholes, and then wished for another half butthole, the two wishes conflict and the half butthole pops up at random. His farts sound like an ocarina.

Arnie wants to move out of Chunt’s hovel because he feels like a third wheel with Chunt and Twosidore. He asks to move into Usidore’s place instead. Usidore seems uncertain but he agrees.

They introduce the guest, the Scholar from the Great Halls of Terr'akkas. He gets after Usidore for having overdue books. He rubs a toad on Arnie’s face to absorb the warts.

The guys put on eyepatches, funny pirate voices ensue.

The Scholar talks about how to be the Scholar, he had to put his face in a jar and give up his identity. A hermit lives next to the jar to guard it, but the hermit also tries to tempt the Scholar to open it. The hermit’s name is the Hermin, and he has a lovely daughter.

The Great Hall of Terr’akkas is digitizing their system, meaning they take a finger or toe when someone has an overdue book.

Arnie introduces the second guest, a lady ogre named Glorbia, who has one eye. She also takes an eyepatch from Usidore. Glorbia and the Scholar know each other, because Glorbia lives in the library and haunts the stacks, moving books and reciting monologues. They hate each other.

Glorbia has been arrested for many things, but she’s never been arrested for good behavior. Usidore however has been arrested for good behavior, because he saved a village from a dragon. The village was upset because they had hired the dragon to kill them all.

Glorbia lives in the book stacks because she wants knowledge. She can’t buy a house because of her many arrests.

Arnie again apologizes for bringing on a guest that the Scholar doesn’t agree with. He says that the podcast stopped making sense at that point. They break for ads.

The Scholar has had his job for at least a hundred years. Sometimes he gets snippets of memory, he sees a house where there are children and a wife.

Chunt asks if the Scholar ever wants to write a story himself. Chunt puts a knife to his head while questioning him, which apparently he usually does when asking questions.

The Scholar talks about things he has seen some of the wizards do at the Great Halls of Terr’akkas, like sticking wands in inappropriate places. He keeps records of all his interactions with wizards. Chunt suggests that he call this story of wizards “The Great Halls of Tell’allthis.”

Usidore suggests that Glorbia help the Scholar write the history of the Great Halls of Terr’akkas. Arnie suggests they name it “The Great Tell Alls of Terr’akkas.” Glorbia wants to call it “Terr’akkas with your Knowledge All Night Long: the Tell All Book of All the Wizards and Their Wands in the Great Halls.”

Glorbia and the Scholar stand up to hug it out. It is a very long and drawn out process where they verbalize every part of it. Usidore asks for an extension on his overdue books. He gives the Scholar two toes so he can keep two books.

Glorbia says “if you believe it, you can achieve it.” Chunt arrests her for good advice. She asks for some of the fines to be waived and he agrees.

Glorbia agrees to join Usidore’s quest, as long as she has help to move around.

Chunt asks Glorbia to read a chapter from “The Dragon Cock Chronicles” to help him fall asleep.


Chunt gets an email from Canada, which states that Usidore could probably conjure some gas (for the car). Usidore states that he can and lets out a fart he’s been holding for likely decades.

Space bunker

They cut back to the space bunker where Craig and Tricia are very concerned about the Mysterious Man returning. After the credits the Mysterious Man calls back. Tricia tells him not to call back, and they decide that they’re ok.

For now.

Foon sponsor

FPR, The Foon Political Roundtable

New characters

Earth references

  • Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
  • hermetically sealed
  • Herman’s Hermits - “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Daughter”
  • Herman’s Head
  • microfiche
  • “Don't Stop Skankin'” - Reel Big Fish
  • The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts
  • House of Cards
  • Village People
  • “Gloria” - Laura Branigan
  • “Gloria” - Them (ft Van Morrison)
  • Talking Heads:
    • “Once in a Lifetime”
    • “Take Me to the River”
    • Producer Brian Eno
    • Stop Making Sense
    • “And She Was”
    • “Road to Nowhere”
    • “Psycho Killer”
    • “This Must Be The Place”
    • “Burning Down the House”
    • “Life During Wartime”
    • “Slippery People”
    • “Swamp”
    • “(Nothing But) Flowers”
  • Inception
  • The Riddle of the Sphinx
  • “The Doctor’s Son” riddle
  • Shrek
  • Martin Shkreli
  • Oprah’s “The Secret”

Behind the scenes

Scholar and Ogre
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Chunt, Glorbia, The Scholar, Arnie, Usidore
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