Season 2, Ep 81 – Squire
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date October 14, 2018
Episode no. S02E81
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Stick the Squire
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Garrett Schultz
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Episode chronology
← Previous Next →
"Momo and the Mayor" "Sickly Heir, Dwarf and Elf"
List of episodes

"Squire" is the eighty-first episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on October 14, 2018.


Usidore and Chunt invite in Stick the Squire to apprentice under Arnie, in case anything ever happens to him.


In the Space Bunker, slight phasal shifts are occurring, but Emperor Craig has declared them Somebody Else’s Problem.

In the Vermilion Minotaur, after some discussion of his wedding plans, Chunt gently reminds Arnie that the future is promised to no one and suggests they train a replacement host as a contingency plan. He introduces Stick, the Squire for Hire.

Most of Stick’s masters have met grisly fates, denying him an opportunity to assume their roles. As each master dies, he moves on to a new apprentice gig.

Arnie lets him audition as host, and Stick immediately renames the podcast Chatterstick. Chunt and Usidore love the new direction, but Arnie has feedback. Arnie is also nervous about Stick playing with his very sharp dagger, and it begins to dawn on him that Stick may be murdering all his masters. The squire offers to retrieve a round of drinks, and Arnie requests no poison in his.

Stick returns with drinks — some poisoned, some not — and Arnie mixes them up to make things more exciting. However, the drinks are soon forgotten as the discussion turns to Foonish sports. In a demonstration of popular sport Hand to Hand, Stick and Usidore trade hands. With his new magical hand, Stick flings a spell at Arnie. Arnie’s life force begins to wane, and he spends his last moments blathering on about Indiana Jones. At the last possible moment, Usidore reverses the spell and switches hands back with Stick.

Having narrowly escaped a grisly fate, Arnie fires Stick, assuming he only kills his current employers. Stick notes he saw an Apprentice Wanted sign in the window of a nearby tanner and decides to give it a shot. Stick to what you know.

Earth references

  • Applebee’s
  • TCBY
  • That’s Amore
  • Fear Factor, Joe Rogan
  • “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back”
  • Crack Kills
  • Uncle Ben’s Rice
  • Spider-Man’s origin
  • Denny’s Moons Over My Hammy
  • Winnie the Pooh
  • CPAP
  • stick-in-the-mud
  • “Sticks and stones may break my bones…”
  • Styx - “Mr. Roboto”
  • Macbeth - “Is this a dagger I see before me?”
  • honey badger
  • Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme
  • “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight…”
  • State Farm insurance jingle
  • precum
  • pick-up sticks
  • The Princess Bride, Wallace Shawn, Gary Elwes
  • poker
  • tennis, US Open
  • golf
  • The Monkey’s Paw
  • Saw II
  • “The Stranger”
  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Harrison Ford
  • Thinner
  • Highlights magazine - Hidden Pictures

Behind the scenes

Image Unavailable
Usidore, Arnie, Squire, Chunt
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License