Season 2, Ep 9 – Herbalists
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date May 15, 2017
Episode no. S02E09
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Fig and Maple Milkweed the Herbalists
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Editor Ryan DiGiorgi
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Bitch Sesh: A Real Housewives Breakdown and ZipRecruiter
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“Herbalists” is the ninth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on May 15, 2017.


"Magic can’t solve everything. Maybe the Milkweeds can help us with some natural remedies. Also, Chunt is now in a power position."


Chunt is now a guard, thanks to a magic spell he used to convince other guards to let him join their ranks. This means he technically works for the Dark Lord, so Chunt tells Arnie and Usidore that they cannot openly conspire against the Dark Lord in front of him, and insists on using coded language instead. They decide to refer to the Dark Lord as the “Book Club,” but they also insist on starting an actual book club. Arnie cannot think of any books from Earth, and they encourage listeners to submit book recommendations for the book club, as well as their plans to defeat the “Book Club.”

Their guests this week are herbalists, Fig and Maple Milkweed. They are deeply in love and run a store where they use natural remedies to treat illnesses.

Wizards and witches do not respect herbalists because they don’t use magic. Usidore is no exception, and is openly hostile to Fig and Maple and accuses them of being charlatans. He admits that modern magic has its limits, but he thinks that completely replacing magic with natural remedies is absurd. Fig and Maple counter that magic can address the symptoms by not the root causes.

Arnie asks Fig and Maple about the ailments that they treat, and they common treat headaches in orcs. Orcs lacks the cranial fluid that cushions their brain, causing regular headaches, but it also makes them great percussionists. They also treat a lot of dwarf lung, it’s when dwarfs get diamond and jewel dust in their lungs. The biggest sickness they encounter is ego and start making jabs at Usidore.

Usidore changes his mind about the herbalists and expresses interest in studying with Fig and Maple, and they offer him a place to stay while studying with them. Usidore leaves the table for a moment, and Arnie asks the Milkweeds if they are conning Usidore, but they deflect. Usidore returns and says that he recruited two more herbalists to join him in studying and living with Fig and Maple. Usidore later realizes that he can’t join them because he’s still a prisoner in the tavern.


Why do you have only one episode a week?
Answer: Arnie thinks once a week is a nice pace, but the one time they recorded two episodes the “Book Club” attacked, so they learned their lesson.

What happened to Pizza Skull during or after the Dark Lord’s attack?
Answer: Pizza Skull is usually fine. He could also be dead in Pizza Hell, working his way through the Seven Pizza Feats to return as Foon’s Pizza Champion.

Instead of drinking the magic-blocking option, can Usidore imbibe it through one of his butt-holes? Would it have the opposite effect and restore his powers?
Usidore has avoided drinking the magic-blocking potion recently because he realized that the guards do not watch him drink it.

Back in the space bunker, the Mysterious Man gets an email:
How many levels of cataclysmic events are there?
Do they get worst with higher numbers?
Is each level a specific style or series of cataclysms?
Can such events be created artificially by mortals, or only by the advanced technology aboard the space bunker?

There are 6 levels of cataclysms, and the number refers to category (not severity):

  1. Ancient god resurfacing
  2. Total protonic reversal
  3. Baking related
  4. Space-time fissure cascade
  5. Visible spectrum collapsing into only yellow
  6. Unstoppable dance party

And the space bunker does not cause cataclysms, they only sort them out.

Foon sponsor

Glen Weldon of Top Torture Happy Hour with a pledge drive for NPR (Necromantic Powerful Ruler).

Additional appearances


Earth references

Behind the scenes

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Chunt, Fig and Maple Milkweed, Usidore, Arnie
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