Season 2, Ep 96 – Tom the Author
Tom the Author
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date February 17, 2019
Episode no. S02E96
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Tomblain Belaroth
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi
Associate Producer {$associateproducer}
Editor Chris Rathjen
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Audio assistance Jason Knox
Production assistance Garrett Schultz
Episode chronology
← Previous Next →
"Woodland Creatures" "Chunt’s Mom"
List of episodes

"Tom the Author" is the ninety-sixth episode of season two of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on February 17, 2019.


Tomblain Belaroth, the prince turned actor turned series of bats stops by to talk about his new book.


Space bunker intro

The Mysterious Man tries calling Space Bunker High Command and gets voice mail.

The podcast

Listener Troy sent Arnie a time calculation spreadsheet, but Excel doesn’t work in Foon.

Chunt’s mom is coming for a visit! She’s a manticore, which is in no way terrifying. Arnie mentions that his own mom is a math teacher. Chunt’s mind is blown.

Usidore is excited about the upcoming Mittens exhibition game between the new team from Hogsface and the Orcs. He believes organized sports is a good character building activity for the Orcs.

The tavern seems overrun with bats this evening, more so than usual. Upon closer examination, they appear to be a series of 26 bats who reveal themselves to be none other than Tomblain Belaroth!

Having concluded his one man show, Tom has written a self help autobiography called Think You Can’t Change Your Life? I Bat You Can (in which Bat is spelled B-E-T.) it’s a universal journey, and its lessons are evergreen. The core principles:

B: Be a good person
A: Always be that person
T: Try to be that person
S: Seriously

Tom has undertaken a multi-platform marketing strategy. (He’s here plugging his book.) And he has realized it’s probably time to kill his sister, the nefarious Princess Trachea-Aurelia. But he fears as siblings their strengths are too closely matched.

Arnie asks why the book is so bat-heavy when there is such a rich Belaroth history to be told. Tom confesses that the Belaroth prophesies didn’t make any sense until he became a series of bats.

Tom plans to conclude his book tour in the Northeast by killing his sister, taking the throne, and levying a 70% marginal tax. He’s ready to end his exile and live as a royal bat.

Arnie is low key worried for Tom’s sanity. Sometimes method actors lose themselves in their roles. Has Tom gone completely batty? One thing is for sure: his girlfriend is totally nuts.

Space bunker credits

The Mysterious Man tries High Command and gets voice mail again. And the bat goes on.

Foon sponsor

Install a fully-functioning dungeon in your own home with Screamspace.

Earth references

  • Coach John Wooden
  • Friday Night Lights - Coach Taylor, "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"
  • Pyramid offense
  • "Rhiannon" - Fleetwood Mac
  • T.S. Eliot, Cats
  • Rep. Ocasio-Cortez’s idea for a 70 percent tax rate on the rich
  • Meredith Brooks - Bitch
  • Prince - Batdance
  • Passenger 57
  • Daniel Day-Lewis movies: My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father, There Will Be Blood, It’s Complicated, The Crucible, The Age of Innocence, Phantom Thread
  • Star Wars movies: The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, A New Hope, Solo
  • It's Complicated
  • Free Solo

Behind the scenes

Tom the Author
Image Unavailable
Arnie, Usidore, Chunt, holding Tomblain Belaroth
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License