Season 3, Ep 11 – Wizard with a Crossbow (w/ Felicia Day and Colton Dunn)

Wizard with a Crossbow (w/ Felicia Day and Colton Dunn)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date September 29, 2019
Episode no. S03E11
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Jyn'Leeviyah the Red, DeMonte the Talking Crossbow
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Earwolf producer Kimmie Lucas
Editor Anna Havermann
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Episode chronology
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"Tree Wench" "Stowaway"
List of episodes

"Wizard with a Crossbow" is the eleventh episode of season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on September 29, 2019.


Jyn’Leeviyah the Red Wizard is back and she has a talking crossbow. Together they’re going to kill some people.


Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are in their generals' tent discussing the poor state of the Velsmeerian army, which among other problems is suffering from food shortages, when the Red Wizard Jyn’Leeviyah appears and informs them that she is here to murder them. Jyn’Leeviyah is accompanied by DeMonte, a magical talking crossbow.

DeMonte tells of his life story; starting as a human with an entry-level evil minion position, who was transformed into a crossbow when the Dark Lord was unhappy with his work ethic, to his time on the battlefield in the Dark Lord's armies before being stolen by a hero and locked away as treasure, until being found and freed by Jyn’Leeviyah.

Jyn’Leeviyah reminds Usidore that he had agreed to to create a wizards' guild after their last meeting, and when he failed to do so she took the project upon herself. The new guild is compromised of herself, Jamillious the Mauve, and the hipster wizard Eunice the Ecru, who puts avocado on everything (Can the Yellow was considered and rejected due to his insufferability, and efforts to recruit Blorth the Brown failed due his continued depression). Once they had a quorum, the guild determined the Dark Lord's successes must be due to failures of Usidore's, so the decision was made to kill Arnie and Chunt and freeze Usidore for the remainder of the fight against the Dark Lord.

In the course of their conversation Jyn’Leeviyahn learns of Usidore falling in love with Germ Crust in an alternate reality and her magical jealousy kills a few dozen soldiers. As they discuss their impending deaths, DeMonte explains the many ways they are mismanaging the army. Usidore realizes that his time in the Dark Lord's army has prepared DeMonte to be a great general, and makes a proposal: the trio will hand control of the army over to DeMonte and Jyn’Leeviyah. He can lead them, and Jyn’Leeviyah can use her mastery of Nature to provide the army with the food they lack. Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore will then depart and continue their search for pages of the Book of Sight.

Jyn’Leeviyah and DeMonte agree, and DeMonte reveals he himself has a page of the Book of Sight, which he gives to the trio. Despite DeMonte & Jyn’Leeviyah's skepticism of its necessity, they repeat the ritualistic humiliation of Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore to demonstrate to the troops they have supplanted them as leaders. The trio depart on food covered in feces toward their new destination: the town of Soul's Hollow, where the Wing'd Whale makes its home base.

Space Bunker Plot

Lincoln starts the podcast on his own when the Mysterious Consultant calls in sick. However, the Institute has also instructed him to record the location of all army camps in Foon on a map. When he done with the makeshift map, he ships it though a pneumatic tube.


There are no new emails this week.

Foon sponsor

  • Bungaree Chubbins, who has relocated his business to Velsmeer (Foxhole #12) after the destruction of Hogsface.

New Characters

  • Eunice the Ecru, the hipster wizard
  • General Catho, a general in the Dark Lord's army
  • Old MacDonald
  • Several soldiers

Recurring Characters

  • Jamillious (mentioned)
  • Bloth the Brown (mentioned)
  • Can the Wizard (mentioned)
  • Germ (mentioned

Earth References

  • Keane
  • Del Monte Foods
  • Old MacDonald Had a Farm
  • Winnie the Pooh's Eeyore
  • "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" by the Police
  • Arrow shirts
  • T-Shirt canons
  • Nerf toys
  • Settlers of Catan
  • Monopoly
  • Let's Make A Deal, Monty Hall
  • Vine App Reference in Episode's Title

Behind the Scenes

Wizard with a Crossbow
Image Unavailable
Arnie, Jyn'Leeviyah, DeMonte, Chunt, Usidore
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