Season 3, Ep 2 – Ancient Turtle

Ancient Turtle
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date July 29, 2019
Episode no. S03E02
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Hildy Shiblin the Ancient Turtle
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Editor Chris Rathjen
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Additional music Arne Parrott
Illinois Office of Tourism
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"Ancient Turtle" is the second episode of season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on July 29, 2019.


A vacationing sea turtle chats with the hosts about her long and storied life.


Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are aboard the SS Stephanie and discuss the second part of their quest which they had kept a secret in Brinemist — they are seeking The Book of Sight, the magical artifact that grants a being the power of the Dark Lord. Their net catches an ancient turtle named Hildy Shiblin. She was booked on the SS Stephanie but was late to boarding and is now happy to be interviewed by the only other passengers (the all-bear crew is still mostly hibernating).

Hildy tells of her long life, including a history as a thief who sunk and looted ships for an unidentified villain. She knows Usidore as Flotus and her shell is inscribed with a dangerous curse.

Arnie, Chunt, Usidore, and Hildy relocate to the ship's saloon for a drink while they continue their conversation. Hildy is so ancient she personally knew the Goddesses Foo, Ooo, and Oon and was able to give feedback on their creation of Foon as it happened. Her favorite times were prior to the year 3000, when meanness was invented. She has had multiple husbands, but never sticks around to raise her eggs. Arnie discusses his time as a cruise ship entertainer.


  • One listener asks: Do centaurs shit when they walk? Yes.
  • Chris K. asks whether Foon has a degree system, and Chunt confirms that things get hotter and colder.

New Characters

  • S.S. Flarkgum
  • Captain Google
  • Tek, the Goddess of Maintenance and Repairs
  • At Trophy
  • Charlie's Turtles

Recurring Characters

  • Twosidore (mentioned)

Earth References

  • Serial podcast,
  • Sarah Kurnick
  • Donald Duck
  • Earth Girls Are Easy
  • 30 Rock, Toofer, Lutz
  • The Little Mermaid, “Kiss the Girl”
  • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  • S.O.S.
  • whispering eye (slang for vagina)
  • “Message in a Bottle” - Sting
  • WEb Browsers
    • Google
      • Google Doc
      • Google Hangout
    • Netscape Navigator
    • Chrome
    • Safari
  • YouTube
  • Doxxes
  • "If you're happy and you know it"
  • Ghost in the Shell
  • TekWar
  • rat king
  • Paul Revere
  • The electric slide
  • “I Like Birds” - Eels
  • Charlie’s Angels movies
  • Titanic
  • Second City
  • HBO


  • Hildy confirms there are 27 seas in Foon.
  • The credits include new lyrics to the alternate theme, teased in the previous episode.
  • Usidore sings many songs on the podcast, but it is often edited out.
  • There are 27 seas in Foon, including the Hot Sea, Equator Sea and the Shamberg Sea

Behind the Scenes

Ancient Turtle
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Arnie, Hildy Shiblin, Chunt, Usidore
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