Season 3, Ep 31 – Thieves (w/ Superego’s Matt Gourley, Mark McConville and Paul F. Tompkins)

Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date March 1, 2020
Episode no. S03E31
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Squeen, Mike, and Kevin
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Earwolf producer Kimmie Lucas
Editor Garrett Schultz
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Episode chronology
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"Knight" "Five Years"
List of episodes

"Thieves" is the thirty-first episode of season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on March 1, 2020.


The podcast is interrupted by the surprise appearance of three dastardly members of the thieves guild.


Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore are again in The Bowlegged Moose, discussing their quest for the artifacts, when Squeen, Mike, and Kevin, three members of the thieves guild, arrive to rob the trio of all they have, including but not limited to their nipples.

They invite the thieves to be guests on the podcast, though the thieves refuse payment for their time, preferring only to steal. In the course of the interview they debate whether the thieves are perverts, and three realize Squeen, who claims to be a normal thief, may actually be a pirate, a charge he vehemently denies.

The thieves share of their lives and the different codes and rules of the Thieves Guild, most of which are in five parts. They also reveal they worship the Chris of Chris-must, who is also - according to them - the Dark Lord.

When Arnie gets to the usual gameshow portion of the show the thieves do well but won’t collect any winnings they haven’t stolen. After the lightning round, Usidore calls down lighting on the three. Taking the brunt of the bolt is Squeen, who with his dying breath asks to be buried at sea.


There are no new emails this week.

New characters

Fran Swah, the Fancy Earthworm; patron of The Bowlegged Moose

Earth References

  • Earthworm Jim
  • Armour Hot Dogs jingle
  • One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish - Dr. Seuss
  • Kit Kat
  • Glengarry Glen Ross
  • Han Solo and the Kessel Run - Star Wars series
  • "Sugartime"
  • Bobcat Goldthwait
  • Locke & Key
  • Disney+
  • Venn diagram
  • Theater major
  • cats stealing the breath of babies
  • Hamlet
  • "Red leather, yellow leather"
  • "She Sells Seashells by the Seashore"
  • Tasmanian Devil
  • Marilyn Manson and autofellatio
  • Monopoly game
  • scurvy
  • various fake safes: beer can, stones, dog doo
  • Batman (1989)
  • kidney stones
  • "Swinging On A Star"
  • Circle of fifths
  • Five part harmony
  • Imagineering
  • Operation game
  • "With Arms Wide Open" - Creed
  • "Sailing" - Christopher Cross
  • The Monkees
  • The Beatles
  • WWJD
  • CBD oil
  • IDK, WTF
  • Santa
  • Satan
  • a lot of James Bond portrayers from movies
  • Bronson Pinchot
  • Orson Welles
  • Dolly Parton
  • Home Alone - The Wet Bandits
  • "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" - Looking Glass
  • Brandy & Monica
  • "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"
  • Jack Sparrow - Pirates of the Caribbean series
  • "Spanish Flea" - The Dating Game
  • Let's Make a Deal
  • Monty Hall problem
  • The Price is Right, Plinko
  • Wheel of Fortune
  • Carlos Santana
  • Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
  • Tony Cicoria


Behind the scenes

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