Season 3, Ep 49 - Ranger (w/ Chris Gethard)

Season 3, Ep 49 - Ranger (w/ Chris Gethard)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date July 13, 2020
Episode no. S03E49
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Karktur the Ranger
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Earwolf producer Kimmie Lucas
Editor Garrett Schultz
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Episode chronology
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"Distressed Damsel" "Mail Night"
List of episodes

"Ranger" is the forty-ninth episode of season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on July 13, 2020.


We finally have a ranger on, and he has a complicated relationship with animal companions.


Arnie is checking up on Chunt after the sandcastle mishap from weeks ago. Chunt zooms out his Rune to show his new body; a badger head on top of a muscle man body. The body was decapitated, so Chunt took it over. However, due to the Shattering/Fragmenting, he is still at the beach. Arnie has moved away from Rapunsale's tower to avoid the awkwardness of sticking around for a week.

Usidore has some good news. Although he hasn't found a way to fix the Shattering/Fragmenting or defeat the Dark Lord, he has been using Rune to connect with other heroes and warriors and recruiting them for his quest, with very favorable results. He just came from a room full of Rangers and invited one onto the show, Karktur the Ranger. Initially shocked that he is the first ranger to come on to show, he begins to talk about his life. Karktur came from the Tumolt Valley, where it is riddled with the constant changes in leadership and turmoil. Yet, adventurers get work with their animal companion.

Karktur speak of his long time companion, Onnus of the Fallen Ram Folk, who has been with him for 11 years. Centuries ago, there were rams who had the ability to speak and understand human. However , the species joined the wrong side of a deity war and were punished to longer be able to speak. Luckily, as a Ranger, Karktur has the ability to commune with nature and animals. Arnie asks if that was really a punishment worse than death and if it was for all rams, which the answer is no for both.

Everything was great for this duo until nine months ago when an Owl assisted Karktur with one of his quest. The Owl becomes attached to the team, but Onnus was not happy about it. Karktur assumes that Onnus is jealous of his new companion, but Karktur is just utilizing the Owl's ability. He does not have the same bond with the Owl as the bond he has with Onnus.

Arnie proposes to have both Onnus and the Owl on the Rune call to get to know them and sort out their difference with Karktur translating. First is Onnus, who's fights because his family was slaughtered by marauders and now likes the taste of human blood. When Arnie asks how Onnus feels about the owl, Onnus says he fucking hates him. Next is the Owl. Karktur was about to translate, but Chunt was able to pick up what the Owl was saying. He makes jokes and is very flowery with his language. When asked about Onnus, the Owl response, saying that he does not understand where all this hate is coming from. Arnie asks if the Owl has ever told Onnus about his feelings, but Karktur interjects, since Owls cannot understand Rams and Rams cannot understand Owls; he would have to be the bridge between the two.

Chunt and Karktur stand in as translators for the two as they can talk to each other as directly as they can. When the issues seems unresolved Usidore and Arnie claim it's Karktur that is projecting his thoughts. Karktur becomes offended by this and proves that his companions understand. Although Usidore is convince, the argument leads Arnie to not understand how ventilating a horse works. This leads to everyone, including Onnus and the Owl, calling Arnie a dumb fuck and letting Onnus and the Owl having something in common. The owl starts taking a new name and offers his assistance to be summoned any time the group says "Arnie is a Dumb Fuck", his new name.


There are no new emails this week.

New characters

  • Onnus of the Fallen Ram Folk
  • Karktur's Owl, later named himself as "Arnieisadumbfuck"
  • Nolan Rian, the Ranger
  • Shakespeare, the Bard
  • Dr. Memory, a villainous doctor
  • The Who, a famous bard troop
    • Keith of the Moon
    • Pete Town son
    • Roger the Poultry
    • John the Ent

Returning characters

Earth References

  • Apple music store
  • Walker, Texas Ranger
  • Park Rangers
  • Nolan Ryan, Texas Ranger baseball player
  • Choose Your Own Adventure
  • Chip and Dale, rescue rangers
  • Martial/Neofolk
  • Dodge Trucks
    • Dodge Ram
    • Pathfinder
    • Ram 4x4
    • Hybrid rams
    • Taurus
  • Ram Jam
  • Los Angeles Rams, Kurt Warner
  • Tiger King, Carol Baskin
  • Logic Puzzles
  • Computer RAM, ROM
  • Rambo
  • Shakespeare
  • The Who
    • Keith Moon
    • Pete Townshend
    • Roger Daltrey
    • John Entwistle
  • New York Rangers, Mark Messier
  • Chuck Norris
  • Ranger Rick Magazines
  • Ranger Smith, Yogi Bear, and Boo-Boo
  • Stranger Danger
  • Ira Glass


  • Usidore has awake apnea
  • There are new locations in Foon:
    • The Tumolt Valley - constant upheaval, 17 kings in 11 years; mostly from coups and mysterious deaths. The badgers know it as Coup Valley. Badgers are welcome there.
    • Talthank - Westernlands, border of the hinterlands, location of the Battle of Talthank
  • Usidore may have an alligator
  • When Karktur brings up that getting his companions is like that classic logic puzzle about the fox, rabbit and corn. Usidore mentions that they met that farmer. He is referring to Farmer Indadell from Season 3, Episode 28.

Behind the scenes

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