Season 3, Ep 95 - Wish Witch (w/ Allie Kokesh & Jeremy Bent from Mission to Zyxx)
Season 3, Ep 95 - Wish Witch (w/ Allie Kokesh & Jeremy Bent from Mission to Zyxx)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
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Air date June 21, 2021
Episode no. S03E95
Episode Link
Cast
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Numbers Marlow, Cordelia Stampot
Production
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Earwolf producer Kimmie Lucas
Editor Tim Joyce
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Sponsor
Episode chronology
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"Wish Witch" is the ninety-fifth numbered episode of season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on June 21, 2021.

Description

Cordelia Stampot is a witch that grants wishes… for a price. And the first customer in line is Numbers Marlow a kid from a local gang.

Summary

Tricia summarizes her week in a journal entry: Unfortunately, no one showed up to her one-clone show. When she finds a note from the Mysterious Man, reminding her to not forget about the transmission, Tricia contemplates starting her own podcast.

In Foon, Usidore starts off the podcast, ready to dive into the origins of Foon. Chunt asks Usidore to vamp (i.e. talk about when he was a vampire) while Arnie catches up in his medical sleigh after being stabbed so many times. Although the group is worried about Arnie, it is Arnie’s fault for having such a stab-able face.

The group find themselves back outside Northeastia. This time, they are looking for a special witch. However, as they approach the witch’s hut, a youth from a street gang, Numbers Marlow, has already claimed first in line and yells at them for attempting to cut in line. He tells the group the rumors about the witch, Cordelia Stampot; she will give you anything you want, but for a price. Usidore has only heard vague things about the witch and her pricing, so both he and Numbers brought many goods and trinkets to barter with. After finding out more about Numbers’ gang, Snake Teeth (formally The Snake Teeth, not The Snake Fangs), Chunt and Usidore decide to join. Chunt even starts giving street nicknames, like Numbers’ gang name.

The hut door creaks and Cordelia walks out, introducing herself, and ready to make a deal. Numbers gives his background and jumps on the chance to make his gang the biggest street gang in Northeastia. Usidore and Chunt warn him though, as wishes need to be worded carefully. Numbers then corrects his wish, wishing for his gang to be the most powerful gang in Northeastia. Cordelia then reveals her price, the soul of the wisher. Numbers talks her down to barter with only half of his soul. When his wish is granted, his crew gain some of the fastest horses, increasing his gang’s horsepower. Although it is somewhat useful against his rival gang, the Quick Horses, it is most definitely not what Numbers wanted.

Usidore tells Numbers he could try again with the half of his remaining soul, which gives him a honorary provisional membership to Numbers’ gang and the gang name, Feisty LaQuiche. Numbers tries to get another wish, prompting Arnie to ask why Cordelia needs the whole soul. She reluctantly invites the gentlemen inside her home where she shows off her beautiful home and furniture the houses the souls she collected. One of the pieces of furniture is a Papa Sans chair, Papa Sans being the former leader of Snake Teeth. He wished to change the gang name from Snake Fang to Snake Teeth. As they talk about the value of a soul, Cordelia points out that she has a scale to measure how much soul a being has,

Numbers re-words his next wish to exchange for another half of his remaining soul; his wish is now for Snake Teeth to be the most physically powerful gang in Northeastia, conjuring up 10 times more knives attached to his person and every gang member. For another half of his soul, Numbers wishes that they were physically more powerful in their bodies. Cordelia makes it so, increasing the strength of the least worked muscles of the body, like the ones located in the core and lower back. Numbers then uses another half of his soul to wish for Snake Teeth to be the smartest gang, which causes all other gangs to be dumber.

Sick of all these nit-picking, Numbers does not want to wish for anything else until he gets a straight wish to get what he really wants; to win his rumble between his gang and his rival gang. Meanwhile, Arnie fulfills his podcasting duty by asking Cordelia about her life as a Country Witch. She is currently 367 years old and looks good for her age thanks to the country air. She used to be a city witch, selling Slimming Teas. She also used to date the city constable and makes great Rum Bowls with her wishes, which Numbers exchanges more of his soul to pay for Chunt’s Rum Bowl.

After using another wish to ensure his gang win their next fight and mustard on another Rum Bowl, Numbers is told by the group to just simplify his wishes to get exactly what he wants. Numbers makes his final wish; that he is granted his heart's desire. Suddenly, his father, Doug Marlow, shows up, after losing him and searching for him at the market for ten years. The heartwarming reunion is short-lived when Doug tells Numbers that he is part of the Quick Horses. Numbers quickly turns on his father, stabbing him to death and winning his immediate next fight for Snake Teeth. The host congratulates Cordelia and her wordplay wish warping and out of despair, Numbers offers the rest of his soul for free.

Chunt wishes to redeem Numbers, so he blackmails Cordelia to grant all of his and Numbers wishes, lest she gets turned in to the City Constable, Connie, for serving a 14 year old (Numbers) alcohol. In the end, Numbers gets to win his rumble, Chunt gets the gang name, Badger Boy, and Cordelia gets to be a part of a gang with her own nickname, Knack. She is then indicted as an honorary member of Snake Teeth, Chunt also realizes that he, Arnie and Usidore are their own gang and dub themselves the Fast Horses. They then try to get into a rumble with Snake Teeth, but have a scheduling conflict.

In the post-credit scene, the group prepares to leave for their dinner reservation, but feel socially awkward not inviting their new friends. But they do not read the social cues of the room. Usidore remembers that he did not get his wish; which was another peach. Numbers uses his soul to grant this, but accidentally uses up the remainder of his soul. Cordelia then traps Numbers’ soul into dice.

Emails

There are no new emails this week.

New characters

  • Papa Sans – the Former leader of Snake Teeth
  • Cali Three Fingers – a member of Snake Teeth
  • Doug Marlow – Numbers’ father and a member of Quick Horses.

Recurring Characters

Earth References

  • Pinocchio, Jimmy Cricket
  • The Social Network, Facebook
  • Fraternity rush
  • West Side Story
  • Dora the Explorer
  • AirBnB
  • Papasans Chair, Chaise Longue chair, ottoman
  • Reconciliation
  • Levon Helm
  • Plain White Tees
  • Paint by Numbers
  • Peabody Award
  • Snake Eyes

Notes

  • Chunt shapeshifts into a cricket to interrupt Usidore
  • According to Usidore, the origins of Foon was when the Universe corrales in such great power that the Goddesses decided that there must be form in the Universe.
  • Numbers Marlow is a gang name given to him. His real name is unknown.
  • Chunt has, once again, lost track of twins he was looking after, this time, they took his tail.
  • Numbers Marlow made a total of 9 wishes in the episode. Before giving the remainder of his soul, he was down to 1/256th of a soul (0.0039%).
  • Cordelia’s Home rests on 20 acres with 5 bedrooms and 3 bath.
  • During the soul fish scene, Arnie has all of his soul, despite how ragged he is, Chunt has all of his soul, and Usidore’s soul percentage could not be read due to his time as a vampire.
  • Usidore says that the group “pretends” to keep the podcast going, lying to Arnie that last week “Flower had something” This turned out to be true.
  • The episode brings back “Suckers get sucked”
  • At the end of the episode, the group goes to their reservation at The Dolphin’s Throat.
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