Season 4, Ep 10 - Year Without a Chris Must
Season 4, Ep 10 - Year Without a Chris Must
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
image.jpg
Air date December 19, 2021
Episode no. S04E10
Episode Link
Cast
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests Flower, Carfoon Blemish
Production
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Editor Anna Havermann
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Sponsor
Episode chronology
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"Year Without a Chris Must" is the tenth episode of season four of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on December 19, 2021.

Description

An ancient pact requires the Dark Lord, hidden in the basement, to fulfill his duties as the Chris in Chris-Must.

Summary

Outside of the Strange Familiar, Arnie sings to himself “The Days of Solstice”, a song that he heard two weeks prior. Chunt goes out to retrieve him and the both head up to the tall table to start the podcast and gush about the holidays. Usidore returns from talking to Tormaline, Dragon Teen, as he plans to give her time off while they deal with the Dark Lord. Today is Chris-Must and Chris is magically compelled to do his tasks. Unexpectedly, Flower chimes in, as she had heard everything.

Flower has been on the table the entire time and came to Nibblebottom to do some holiday shopping. She shows off her socks to Arnie and Chunt while Usidore gets a round of drinks. After Usidore is taunted by the rest of the group, the group hear some carolers, Cyddle Effin, their sister, Sissy Effin, and the Effin Band, singing a Chris-Must Song. They are invited inside and Arnie proposes to Chunt and Usidore to let Flower in on their secret, despite already hearing it previously.

Usidore explains the plan for the night; The Dark Lord has confirmed that he is the Chris of Chris-Must. Chris is magically compelled to be the Chris, otherwise he dies, which is not allowed to happen or the Dark Lord will ascend to his true power. So the group must escort the Dark Lord as he goes around Foon and takes requests. So all four go down to the basement and Arnie starts talking shit about the Dark Lord. Although the “They’re behind me, aren’t they” bit did not work on Flower, The Dark Lord appears behind Arnie, then in front of him. Usidore tells him what has to be done, but the Dark Lord refuses as he knows his fate if his task goes unfulfilled. Eventually, the group had to drag the Dark Lord out of the basement, using the power of Chris-Must wishes to make him follow them.

Somehow, Arnie begins to hear far off Chris-Must wish. Although Usidore used his magic to amplify the sound, they are all brought to the child making a wish. His Chris-Must wish is for his parents to be turned to sheep. To accomplish this, the Dark Lord asked to siphon a little power from Usidore to grant the wish, but instead, Usidore does it himself. They hear another Chris-Must wish; a woman wanting Chris to find her one true love. When they arrive, the woman, Debbie, is already enamored with Usidore (but she does not seem that picky). Chunt has an idea to create a Snowsidore to become Debbie’s love and Usidore brings the Snowsidore to life.

During the break, the crew made over a thousand wishes and they are all reaching an exhaustion point. The Dark Lord taunts them to end the suffering by killing him. Being with the Dark Lord is complicated, even to what name to refer to him; the Dark Lord, Blemish, Chris, etc. Arnie asks the Dark Lord how exactly he became Crhis. Before the Dark Lord, there was another Chris, one who annoyed the Dark Lord to no end and had bit him once. For the Dark Lord’s Chris-Must Wish, the Dark Lord killed Chris and fed his soul to his Soul Walker to suffer forever. However, by killing Chris, he now holds the responsibility of Chris until someone kills him.

The group continues to grant wishes, along with a man who wished to be happy and a child who wants Chris to eat a bag of poop, who then turns into a butterfly after the wish has been granted. They go to one last child for his Chris-Must wish. The child, Reginaald, wished for his parents to come back to life. He tells the group that his parents died while the group was at the Volcano and his parents died by the flying lava (magma). Although Flower calls bullshit, on the off chance that the child is telling the truth, they decide to continue with the wish. Reginaald struggled describing his parents, but after considering their options, ther best choice was to create snow parents again. Once they are created, the snow parents reveal that they are getting a divorce. Reginaald thanks them for the wish as now he has seen magic to masturbate to. Usidore then melts the pervert’s parents and Chunt throws at him a book.

Back at the tavern, the group is glad that the night is finally over. The Dark Lord reminds them that they will do this next year and the year after that. But Arnie realizes something: Since Usidore actually killed the Dark Lord’s first form, Usidore should be the new Chris! Somehow all the magic happened because of Usidore and his new role in Chris-Must (it all makes sense). Now Usidore is forced to perform the tasks that made the Dark Lord do. Luckily, he actually performed most of the tasks, but there are many bags of poops that need to be eaten.

Songs

  • "Days of Solstice" sung by Arnie (continued)

On the First Day of Solstice my Foon Love Gave to Me
Five Chops to the Neck
Four Plays of Sexing
Three Magic Birds
Two Murderous Hatchets
and a Python in a Bone Tree

Throw some sand into your eye
Who Must? Chris Must!
Slap your mum until she cries
Who Must? Chris Must!
Pay off all my student loans
Who Must? Chris Must!
Clone yourself then eat the clone
Who Must? Chris Must!

You've been such a shit
We have enough of it
By goddesses, you'll get what you deserve

Let me be your therapist
Who Must? Chris Must!
If I were you, I'd up and quit
Who Must? Chris Must!

If you've been good this time of year
You can rip off both of Chris's ears
Children rejoice! It's Chris-Must time again
Chris-Must time again
It's Chris-Must time again

Chris-Must bells ringing in the night
His magic sleigh is taking flight
Hark, children! Best not to be naughty
Lest you miss out on beating Chris's partyyyyy

Rip your eyebrows off your face
Who Must? Chris Must!
Lick a bark and spin in place
Who Must? Chris Must!
Hold you pees and poos inside
Who Must? Chris Must!
Ideate in death and die
It's Chris-Must time!

Kick him in the nuts!

  • "Only to Save Chris-Must" sung by Usidore and Flower, accompanied by Chunt

Only to Save Chris-Must
Only to Save Chris-Must
Must all work together, down to save Chris-Must this year
Everybody gather 'round the bone tree

Space Bunker Plot

The Mysterious Man preps the listener for the holiday episode when Craig pops in one of those talking fish plaques. Craig gives a brief overview of the Space Bunker Plot so far and cautions the Mysterious Man to proceed with his plans that would involve the goblins in the holding cells in the Institute.

Emails

There are no new emails this week.

New Characters

  • Cow Jones, The Stock King, also the King of the Cattle
  • Clark Grizzlywald and the Carol Bears
  • Beverly D'Angabear
  • Anthony Michael Bear
  • Cydle Effin
  • Sissy Effin
  • The Effin Band
  • Debbie
  • Reginaald

Recurring Characters

Earth References

  • Christmas
  • Frosty the Snowman
  • Frozen, Elsa
  • "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
  • "Twelve Days of Christmas"
  • Colin Firth
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious
  • "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost
  • Pitbull, aka Mr. Worldwide
  • A Christmas Carol
  • Stocks, Dow Jones
  • gift cards
  • Deck the Halls
  • Christmas Tree
  • Santa, "Belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly"
  • Carol of the Bells
  • Clark Griswold
  • Beverly D'Angelo
  • Anthony Michael Hall
  • "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
  • Law & Order
  • Rocky IV, "If he dies, he dies"
  • IHOP, Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity Pancakes
  • When Harry Met Sally, "I'll have what she's having"
  • Cap'n Crunch, "Crunchatize me, Cap'n"
  • Gatorade
  • Friends, "PIVOT!"
  • Kickstarter
  • Patreon
  • GoFundMe
  • Lucky Charms, "Oooga Legga Meega Chiga"
  • Genie Wishes
  • The New York Times
  • Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards
  • Little Debbie
  • The Santa Clause
  • Tim Allen
  • Home Improvement, "More Power"
  • Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear
  • "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"
  • "Mah Nà Mah Nà"
  • "Star Light, Star Bright"
  • "The Christmas Shoes" by NewSong
  • The Golden Globes
  • litmus test
  • Forrest Gump
  • Star Wars Holiday Special - Kashyyyk, Life Day
  • Betamax
  • Walt Disney
  • Wanda Maximoff, The Scarlet Witch
  • J.J. Abrams

Notes

  • There has been some plugs for the Patreon, especially for the first episode later released to the main feed on January 3rd, 2022.
  • Here are some of the Chris-Must Wishes fulfilled this episode:
    • Take a dump on the stairs of the Strange Familiar (Arnie)
    • Say "Oooga Legga Meega Chiga" (Chunt)
    • Complete all the Chris-Must Tasks (Usidore)
    • Describe your perfect Sunday/Sundae (Flower)
    • Turn Parents into sheep (kid voiced by Adal Rifai)
    • Find Debbie her one true love (Debbie voiced by Brooke Breit)
    • Many "Chris must eat a bag of poop"
    • Many "Turn parents into something"
    • Barf up a dog (Chunt)
    • Make me happy (man voiced by Arnie Niekamp)
    • Christ must eat a bag of poop (child voiced by Matt Young)
    • Parents to come back (Reginaald voiced by Martin Wilson)
  • Kids know Usidore as Daddy Florentine
  • The Dark Lord has buried bags of poop all over Foon
  • The Wizards Choice Award is decided by a secret committee
  • Usidore jokes he needs at least two weeks off, the time it takes for the holiday break for the podcast.
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