Season 4, Ep 21 - Talking Crossbow Visits (w/ Colton Dunn)

Season 4, Ep 21 - Talking Crossbow Visits (w/ Colton Dunn)
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date March 20, 2022
Episode no. S04E21
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Usidore
Guests DeMonte the Talking Crossbow
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Editor Chris Rathjen
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Episode chronology
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"Ancient Poet Turtle" "Winky Silks and Michael Gunch Visit"
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"Talking Crossbow Visits" is the twenty-first episode of season four of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on March 20, 2022.


DeMonte the Talking Crossbow returns, confused about the fact that the DL is dead but his crossbow curse hasn't been lifted.


The name for the Unnameable Mountain has spread like wildfire all over Nibblebottom. Also there are actual wildfires. With each mention of the name “Slobodan”, the tavern rumbles. But that does not stop Chunt’s endeavor to make the mountain a ski slope and to give high five. What stops Arnie giving high fives is the fact that his pinky ring given to him by Chunt has shrunk so much on his pinky that it cut off his pinky off of his hand. Usidore has an idea to grow back his finger by giving him a pair of four fingered gloves, round ears and asks Arnie to speak in a higher register.

As they do nearly every week, the group has a guest to interview. DeMonte, the talking crossbow, has been looking for the group. DeMonte reminds the group of his origin story; DeMonte was once a human, cursed by the Dark Lord to be a crossbow. After abandoning Jyn’Leeviyah with the Army of Velsmeer for constantly fucking nature and starting his own food cart business, called Toast of the Towne, that only sells toast and nothing to moisten it, DeMonte hears from some traveling bards that the Dark Lord is dead. As excited as he is to hear the Dark Lord’s defeat, he is baffled that he is still a crossbow. Obviously, it must be a lie, so DeMonte has been searching for the guys to confront them. The hosts avoids the question at all cost, diverting for more description of the cart and how it is to be a talking crossbow business being, to prevent DeMonte from hearing the truth about the Dark Lord.

Usidore spends a good amount of time listing different shops he knows while DeMonte describes why he wanted to sell toast in a cart. His father was an entrepreneur and gave many tips to his son on how to make a successful business. However, being a crossbow and a vendor is not an easy feat. His appearance makes patrons uneasy, assuming that they are being robbed rather than buy from the stand. However, DeMonte is more focused on getting his foot through the door. Eventually, Arnie pulls Chunt to the side and humors the idea of letting DeMonte in on their secret, but ultimately does not tell him.

The group asks DeMonte how his social life and his love life is going. Although some are willing to get with him, the fact that he is a crossbow does not help him get laid. There is also something that he noticed about himself in bed: he has discovered a toe and some hair. Demonte can sense something happened to the Dark Lord, but he is not convinced that the Dark Lord is dead. Chunt develops some “theories“ on why the curse hasn't been lifted: 1) DeMonte will turn back to a human, just not very quickly (though the spell that started it all was fairly quick) of 2) DeMonte was always a crossbow. DeMonte takes offense, assuming that Chunt does not believe him. The group try to make one to one comparisons to crossbow parts to human parts and DeMonte describes the things he misses about being human.

Arnie hopes that Usidore has a way to speed up the undoing of a curse. However, since the Dark Lord isn’t actually dead, it would not be possible. Meanwhile, DeMonte dabbles in starting his own podcast about the conspiracy theories about Foon, starting with the Dark Lord. Chunt savves face and suggests to DeMonte that the Dark Lord may only be truly gone after the last time someone says his name, which DeMonte accepts as a reason. Arnie once again pulls Usidore aside, only for both of them to to be distracted by Chunt listing off shops that he knows. Arnie once again asks if it is possible to turn DeMonte human to keep the truth at bay. The only solution seems to be cursing DeMonte to another transformation, now with human elements. They trick DeMonte to describe what he was like as a human and change the setting of the tavern to ask the goddesses to curse DeMonte to be human. After a painful transformation, the curse is applied and is not very successful as he has two feet, an eye, teeth sticking out of the wood, and long dark hair. Nevertheless, DeMonte is happy with the result.

DeMonte sticks around for emails as he tries drinking in his new form. Arnie advises him to be careful as they do not know what parts of him are human and what are not. There is one email that describes the exact situation that they are in, but they cut the email short and ask the listener not to be a narc. Chunt and Usidore offer some quotes for DeMonte’s food cart. Arnie tries to ask Usidore if there are side effects to worry about, but he and Chunt continue to name shops. He invites DeMonte to go to another Tavern to drink and leave the other two to their own devices.

Post Credit Scene

After naming all the shops they know, Usidore and Chunt finally notice that Arnie is gone. Despite Arnie is gone, at least Chunt and Usidore can revel in the fact that they can still high five.


  • Arnie reads an email from Violet, a listener since Season 1 who is catching up again. They recount a story about they and their mum listen to the show and instead of leaving meaningful messages in their voicemail box, they recite Usidore's full name.
  • Chunt reads an email fron Issac and Lily, who are starting the series, in a script format. They ask what was Chunt's favorite thing to be, to which he answers "present".
  • Arnie reads another email from a listener, Anthony, who is all caught up and relistening through the series. They realize there is a person who would call them out on their bullshit about the Dark Lord; DeMonte. They describe DeMonte's situation, but Arnie abruptly stops reading, telling DeMonte there was nothing else in the email and tells Anthony to not be a narc.

New Characters

  • DeMonte's father
  • the bands, Airheads, and LemonHeads
  • Charles, Chunt's Uncle

Recurring Characters

Earth References

  • Twitter
  • skiing/ski slopes
  • Cake Boss
  • Mickey Mouse and Goofy
  • Pinky and the Brain
  • snowboarding
  • sourdough bread
  • AirHeads
  • Sour Patch Kids
  • Lemon Heads
  • "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
  • Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
  • Head and Shoulders shampoo
  • Theranos company
  • The Game of Telephone
  • "Tha Crossroads" by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
  • YOLO
  • Inbox Zero
  • "A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes" by Lily James


Behind the Scenes

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