Season 4, Ep 30 - Rats

Season 4, Ep 30 - Rats
Hello from the Magic Tavern episode
Air date June 5, 2022
Episode no. S04E30
Episode Link
Hosts Arnie, Chunt, Dorisue
Guests Charlie Havarti, Greg Cheese
Producers Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai
Post-production coordination Garrett Schultz
Editor Sage G.C.
Logo Allard Laban
Theme music Andy Poland
Special assistance Ryan DiGiorgi
Episode chronology
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"Deputy Administrator" "Arnie and Usidore"
List of episodes

"Rats" is the thirtieth episode of season four of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on June 5, 2022.


There's a party going on at the Strange Familiar, hosted by a rat fraternity.


Arnie cuts his usual intro short as he has something to tell Chunt and Dorisue/Usidore something important:

During their time away from Nibblebottom and their trip to Hogsfacer, Arnie remembered the situation with the Dark Lord and Tormaline, Dragon Teen. When they come back to the Strange Familiar, he found Tormaline still asleep and the body of Carfoon Blemish gone. Turns out, Blemish was upstairs in the main tavern space, bussing tables. Arnie then returned him to his cell and currently ponders his escape. Apparently, Dorisue says that the Tavern needed a bus boy. There is also the matter of the Cooper being dead, but that is a story for another time.

Dorisue shares that he got a new job in town. He has taken up enchanting jewelry and giving them little buffs, with Chunt interpreting that as Dorisue creates little men. Meanwhile, Chunt is out dating again. After digging up Séance last week, he happened to also dig up a skull, named Shakey Cakes. The two hit it off and have a date scheduled next week. Dorisue keeps mentioning STDs to Arnie and Chunt and claims that he has all of the STDs, each more powerful than the last.

It is loud at the Strange Familiar. Arnie goes to invite some of the revelers to the table as they have no guest this week. The two crawl up to the tall table and ask the host if they are here for the rush event for Rho Alpha Tau (RAT). Charlie Havarti and Greg Cheese are rats for the event. Charlie is the president of the RAT fraternity while Greg is a current pledge. Chunt is reminded of his cheese obsession from last week. Still, he pulls Arnie and Dorisue aside to convince them to rush, as RAT House takes all kinds, to eventually say they will all rush on their behalf.

Most inquiries on how to rush are ignored as Charlie drinks in front of their faces. Chunt and Arnie show concerns from a few stories that they have heard about hazing, but the incidents of death seem unrelated. Charlie entices them with promises of awesome parties, which is received well. Dorisue adds to this by shooting fireworks into the air and he reminds Arnie that the roof has to be fixed on his behalf since Usidore is "dead". The rats take notice of Dorisue's abilities and let the group know that they are studying some forms of magic at the Fooniversity Of Michigan. Greg takes pride in his major in history, which Charlie quietly lets him know that it makes Greg and the fraternity seem uncool and should lay off a bit. He also commands Greg to punch himself in the nuts. Dorisue does the same, but wishes there was a reason that he should.

Charlie calls for another round for the table, but since the hosts run the tavern, Dorisue says the drinks are on them. Chunt says that he can do the "elephant walk", a move where he puts both thumbs up his buttholes and sits on them, which impresses Charlie. Afraid that these cool guys may be poached by another fraternity, he has the hosts if they are rushing any other house. Greg and Charlie talk up their own house in the sewers where there are many STDS. Charlie has taken a liking to Chunt and give him immediate brotherhood, which upsets Greg who was working so hard to get in the Rat fraternity. Chunt takes to the role immediately and torments Greg. Greg begs Charlie to stop him as they are literal brothers, with Greg being the older one.

The pledged group up together to support one another, specifically Dorisue and Arnie encouraging Greg. Meanwhile, Chunt goes a little overboard on some of his brother's commands, like getting Greg to piss in Chunt's mouth, making Usidore do 100 push ups, and Arnie what 2+2 is. Charlie reigns in Chunt, not for his actions, but to make sure that Arnie and Dorisue join. Charlie tries to push again for their support, but Greg lets it slip that they are desperate for them to join. Although RAT house is inclusive to all, many of the members are rather small and they could use the hosts height. Charlie has so much size to him, as he is 8lb and can beat Arnie in an arm wrestling contest, but to have larger massed members means that they would get bullied less often.

Despite the abuse, Chunt still tries to convince Arnie and Dorisue to continue the rush process. Charlie admires the little buff men that Dorisue can summon, which could help in the house's strength and numbers. At Greg's lowest point, Dorisue offers Greg a Confidence Ring from his shop. Greg puts on the ring and turns the table on to Chunt, making him do all the demeaning things Chunt made him do. Greg takes back the family name Havarti and Charlie takes notice of his command. Overwhelmed by his new found self respect, Charlie makes him, Arnie, and Dorisue members immediately. All five of them get emotional until Charlie mentions the dues for the fraternity. Over the last few weeks, the hosts have been giving away money willy nilly and have been scammed, which Charlie and Greg take as they are poor. However, their due are based off of the room in the house.

Dorisue bargains for the use of the tavern for their date party theme events and Charlie gives the host honorary membership. Arnie asks about the other non-rat members. Chunt hyper focuses on the nutria, but they are unrelated to the fraternity and no one really knows what that is. One of the members is a dragon, who acts as the den mother and their horde is where they all sleep.

The group asks what the rats plan after graduation. Charlie is learning magic to become a mage and would love some references on other magic practitioners. Greg hopes that he can find use for his history degree. They all go around to share their mage secrets. Charlie wants to powerful enough to fuck the sky. Arnie hopes that no one shits in his bread. Dorisue wants shiny robes and to defeat all evil. Chunt wants everyone to know that a nutria is. Greg no longer has a secret wish as he got what he always wanted; the love and respect of his younger brother. Charlie admits he has always been rough to Greg because Greg is already cooler than him.

After all is said and done, Charlie apologizes for the rough rush session and offers retaliation on him. Dorisue tries to swat Charlie off, but he only says the action and does not move.


There are no new emails this week.

New Characters

  • Shakey Cakes, a Talking Skull
  • Chunt's Dairy Godmother
  • The Zingerman
  • The Pigman
  • The non-rat members of RAT House
    • a gopher
    • a hamster or gerbil
    • A Dragon
  • Donaldson, another member of RAT House

Recurring Characters

Earth References

  • Car Radio Shows
    • Soundboard catchphrases
    • prank calls
  • NPR
  • Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
  • OshKosh B'gosh
  • Mentos
  • Fraternity/Greek Life
    • Animal House
    • news about hazing
    • the "classic" polo shirts with letters
  • Latin
  • Dead Languages
  • Rattan Furniture
  • Running of the bulls
  • Fairy Godmothers
  • Butt chugging
  • "The Roof Is on Fire" by Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three
  • The University of Michigan
    • "Go Blue"
    • UMich vs OSU Rivalry
    • Ann Arbor, Michigan
      • Zingerman's
  • Ratatouille
  • Ohio State University
  • Slenderman
  • Full House
  • Owl House
  • Monster House
  • "Good Riddance" by Green Day
  • "Low" by Flo Rida
  • "ain't no party like a" phrase
  • Paula Abdul
    • "Rush Rush"
    • "Opposites Attract"
    • "Cold Hearted", Look into his eyes, uh-oh, He's been tellin' lies
  • "Not Cool, Dude"
  • Subaru
  • d4 die
  • Big Man on Campus
  • Kevin Bacon
  • The Baconator, Wendy's
  • Kia and its commercial
  • "age, sex, and location"
  • AXE Body Spray and its commercial
  • AI generations
  • Maggie Smith
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal


Behind the Scenes

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