| Season 5, Ep 91 - Eleven Years | |
| Hello from the Magic Tavern episode | |
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| Air date | March 8, 2026 |
| Episode no. | S05E091 |
| Episode Link | |
| Cast | |
| Hosts | Arnie, Usidore, Chunt |
| Guests | none |
| Production | |
| Producers | Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, Adal Rifai |
| Associate Producer | Anna Havermann |
| Post-production coordination | Garrett Schultz |
| Editor | Tim Joyce |
| Logo | Allard Laban |
| Theme music | Andy Poland |
| Sponsor | |
| — | |
| Episode chronology | |
| ← Previous | Next → |
| "Fool" | "Usidore's Team" |
| List of episodes | |
"Eleven Years" is the ninety-first episode of season five of Hello from the Magic Tavern. It was originally released on March 8, 2026.
Description
We celebrate 11 years of the show and prepare for the coming battle with the wizards.
Summary
It’s the Hello From the Magic Tavern’s 11 year anniversary! Arnie has printed out Patreon comments to read with Chunt and Usidore, as he had asked patrons to remind the hosts what sort of weapons or spells they’ve forgotten over the years, particularly anything that'll be useful against the war against wizards. They discuss each of the following Patreon messages:
From Eve Taft, “Chunt’s menagerie could help. I miss his undead cat.”
The hosts list Chunt’s previous companions they can remember, including Ouiji the undead cat, Grapes the Goat, Gorgeous the Screaming Potato, and Farting Peach. Chunt mentions a creature named Antagonistic Cucumber who wrote a “shitty” letter to him, and they realize AC might’ve joined Spintax.
From multiple patrons, the hosts are reminded of the IUDs (Implanted Unicorn Device) they were given by the demi-goddess Fooninoonia. However, they are too difficult to use, as they need to ride four unicorns at once in order to fire the laser.
From Haley Hanlon, “The Pretzel Bones spell, which causes a slow transformation of your bones into pretzels. If you yell ‘No pretzel bones for you!’, it reverses the pretzel bones.”
Usidore explains however this is a very common spell and can be easily countered. He does cast it on another tavern goer however, though he doesn’t notice right away.
From Laura Bryant, she reminds the host that there is a potion of “Drew to Life,” or “Drew Resurrection." Arnie tries to tear up this note before he has to read it, and Drew reveals himself as the person Usidore had just casted Pretzel Bones on. When Drew stands from his table, he collapses from having no real bones.
From Grant Black, “40 Spells and How to Say Them from The Scholar." Usidore admits he doesn’t know where his library books are. Chunt takes a look in Usidore’s bag of carrying and finds the books “40 spells to Leave Your Lover,” a children's book Usidore is writing called “Alacazam Ham,” and “Alacazoo Drew.”
From Jonathan Stevens, “I bet the Silent Eye has a secret cache of weapons. The Shattering really took the steam out of that alliance, and what better time than now to resurrect it? We need those allies to defeat the wizards.” Other patrons also mentioned they have their Silent Eye coins. Usidore gives Arnie his coin, which he'd been carrying for him.
From Alphones Armorman, Suitperson, “All the Usidores in his hat is an army.” Usidore explains the Usidores are all him and he can’t summon them all as a separate army.
Multiple patrons remind the hosts of the golden branch from [[Caballon Valentin | Caball'on Valentin]]] the talking tree that grants Arnie safe passage in any forest. While they reflect on what constitutes a forest, Chunt and Usidore recall there being a snail on its way to Arnie, and if Arnie touches it, he dies.
From Hem the Goblin, “Did Chunt keep that limp piece of hay?” Chunt and Arnie don’t recall what Hem is referring to. Usidore theorizes Chunt had lost his war hammer and replaced it with the hay, but then Chunt draws the hammer out, having been hiding it behind his back this whole time.
From Red Keener, “What about the Ruby of Galaziel? Usidore was able to blow a hole through the roof of the tavern and then reverse the effects to immediately fix up the roof.” Usidore agrees the ruby could be useful, but it's drained of power and he must find a way to recharge it.
From Parker Scarborough, “Not really a weapon, but Arnie might have some latent magical ability. He made a pumpkin grow out of Duncan Potatogrease’s head by saying ‘Bibbity Bobbity Boo.’” Arnie gives the spell a shot again and grows a pumpkin out of Drew’s head. Drew falls, his head exploding, along with all his pretzel bones. Usidore gives Arnie a magic correspondence course, where Arnie casts a spell into an envelope, sends it to the teacher to see if it works, and then the teacher will tell him the result. Arnie tries to summon a turtle into the envelope by saying “sideways cartoon turtle face.” The boys take a break to figure out how to send the envelope and, upon coming back, Chunt has taped a bunch of branches to Arnie’s body to see if it’ll count as him being in a forest. Arnie doesn’t have the branch yet, but at that moment, a snail begins to come over with a golden branch. Arnie debates whether to take the branch and risk instant death by touching the snail.
Lastly, from Mauricio Machuca, “I believe there are still many feral cats that Blemish has vomited up running around Foon. They could provide a nasty scratch.” Arnie mentions this comment to let listeners know these cats are everywhere.
Arnie thanks the Patreon supporters and reminisces on eleven years. Usidore uses a spell to look eleven more years into the future. It’s blurry (convenient), but he saw Arnie wearing nothing but gold, Chunt wearing two crowns, and Usidore shifts from every color of the rainbow, and Foon incredibly peaceful. Also, he sees Drew’s gravestone.
Arnie thanks the listeners, Chunt, and Usidore, then suggests they split up. Arnie feels that the three of them are great together as friends, but they’re not so good at getting things done together. He cites that usually only one of them ever makes an accomplishment while the other two follow, all while making fun of that person. Usidore agrees, deciding he’ll go out to see if he can recharge the Ruby. Arnie decides to go look for the Silent Eye. Chunt doesn’t know what his quest is yet, however. Arnie has his bindle already prepped and ready to go, but begins to panic about going out on his own. Chuint encourages Arnie by killing the snail and giving him the golden branch. Arnie promises to live until they meet again at the forest on the southern edge of Northeastia, called Westernia. Usidore says to look for him on the third sunrise of the eighth day of the twelfth week. The boys all take a microphone with them to record content. They give each other some kisses, Arnie puts the cat Tugtimmy Timtom in Usidore’s care, and heads off. Usidore asks Chunt to travel not too far from Arnie in case he needs help, while Usidore heads off in the opposite direction. Usidore departs, and Chunt begins to brainstorm a new podcast idea with Drew in case everyone dies.
Post Credit Scene
Emails
New Characters
Antagonistic Cucumber
Cockroach Clown
Granball (Of the spell, Granball’s Spell of Pure Intent)
Tugtimmy Timtom (One of the singing cats Blemish has vomited).
Recurring Characters
Spintax (mentioned)
Ouiji the Undead cat (mentioned)
Grapes the goat (mentioned)
Gorgeous the screaming Potato (mentioned)
Farting Peach (mentioned)
Fooninoonia (mentioned)
Drew
Caball'on Valentin the Talking Tree (mentioned)
Duncan Potatogrease (mentioned)
Blemish (mentioned)
Tomblain Belaroth (mentioned)
Chunk (mittens player) (mentioned)
Can the Wizard (mentioned post-credits)
Earth References
867-5309/Jenny by Tommy Tutone
One by Harry Nilsson
Nicholas Cagein Leaving Las Vegas
Eve 6
Army of Me by Bjork
The Immortal Snail scenario
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy
Cats musical
NPR
Inspector Gadget
Beverly Hills Ninja
Aunty Ann (postcredits)
Notes
Arnie asks listeners to remind them of the spell Gramball’s Net of Pure Intent for Usidore to cast in case they need to derive the truth from something in the future.
Arnie also asks listeners to remind them of Usidore’s vision eleven years in the future during the 22nd Anniversary to make sure they accomplish all of those things.