The Dark Lord

The Dark Lord is a malevolent entity dedicated to the conquest and destruction of Foon. He is Usidore the Blue's nemesis. Usidore has long sought to form a group of adventurers to quest & defeat him.

The Dark Lord
Hello from the Magic Tavern character
First appearance "Usidore's Quest"
Played by Unknown
Name Unknown
Species Wizard
Occupation Dark Lord of Foon

He is also known as The Master or The Dark One, and perhaps many other names as well (According to Conrad Von Plotz, friends of the Dark Lord call him "Lord Fred.”). But as names have great power, it is vital that his *true name* not be uttered aloud, lest his gaze be drawn towards you and great ruin come upon you. It is likely that Merlinda Flimpery may have helped The Dark Lord choose his true name. Saying his true name aloud will crack your very soul, and those who do it too often could be devoured by his power. His most dedicated followers often chant his name to transfer their own power to him. Unfortunately, Usidore accidentally uttered his true name a few weeks after Arnie’s arrival in Foon, thus making the Dark Lord aware of their presence in Hogsface.

Attitudes toward to the Dark Lord among the denizens of Foon varies. Many agree with Usidore that he is a grave threat to Foon. Others believe the threat he poses has been overstated, and he has a lot of good ideas to shake things up. For example Jak Vorpal appreciates his efforts to simplify the tax codes. Still others worship him for his power and promise of destruction, like the barman Blemish. While the wizard Spintax the Green claimed not to be overly concerned with the threat, he did concede to Usidore that this the was most successful & dangerous Dark Lord in thousands of years and made a hasty retreat when the Dark Lords true name was uttered.

Signs of the Dark Lord include a flaming bird and a flaming cat. The combination carries many evil portents, viz. the danger of a flaming bird coming into contact with a flaming cat, and the cat is chased by a dog, and that dog is followed by an elephant, and they are all on fire and running through the forest.1.


The Dark Lord was originally a wizard, specifically the black wizard (but not a racially black wizard), wearing black robes while part of the order. He was cast out by his fellow wizards after becoming the Dark Lord. As only one wizard at a time is identified with a color, it is not clear if he is still the official black wizard. Like all wizards he was initially created by a confluence of magical and natural forces, and there is tree somewhere in Foon that is considered his grandmother.2. Usidore knew the Dark Lord before his expulsion, and says they were acquaintances(though Usidore admits it would be a better story if they had been close friends). Since Usidore was called into being by Foon specifically to oppose the Dark Lord, it is possible there was period where the Dark Lord had already made his turn to evil, but had not revealed himself to his fellow wizards.


The presence of a Dark Lord is a periodic, recurring feature in Foon. When one Dark Lord is defeated, another will eventually rise to take his place. There is a verse Spintax the Green recited that describes the Dark Lord's ascent:

He who holds Book of Sight,
When the moon is drained of all its light,
Shall then be ruler of the night,
Master of the Dark!

At some point roughly 300 years ago, the wizard obtained the Book of Sight and transformed into (a/the) Dark Lord. Since then he has slowly gained power and territory throughout Foon.

Consolidation of power

The Dark Lord has many castles and seats of power to operate from, including the Dark City, and has great armies of Orcs and other beings who serve him. Upon learning of Arnie’s arrival in Foon, he became interested in travel to other dimensions to spread his influence there.

Physical Appearance

His visage has been described as "darkness incarnate", and it is said that if you were to gaze upon him, it would steal the light from your eyes. Other reports of the Dark Lord's physical description are sometimes contradictory:

  • Tall and heavy (700 lbs.) but he carries it well
  • Blood red eyes
  • Greasy black hair
  • Terrible bad breath
  • Bluish-gray skin
  • Seven fingers on each hand (others say 12)
  • Kind of short and smells like salt and vinegar chips (per Ffffp)
  • Seven faces (probably, someplace)
  • Necrotic foul-smelling flesh

Powers and Abilities

  • Ambidextrous
  • Very good at math
  • Flying
  • Eating very quickly
  • Seeing through one wall but not the next
  • Sonic levitating (short levitating that emits a sonic pulse which makes your ears bleed)
  • Burning things from the inside
  • Knowledge of true love (painfully, he can know it but cannot have it)

Minions & Associates

The Dark Lord uses many methods to coerce cooperation from others. Some people he threatens, others he bribes into aiding him, by offering them worldly gifts or magical boons such as immortality in exchange for their service. His known servants, minions, and worshipers include:

There are also many beings who have made deals with the Dark Lord without completely supporting his agenda

  • Squibbert the Frog, who along with the other Frogs have been hired on as messengers for the Dark Lord
  • Sigint the Spider, who was employed by the Dark Lord to design his surveillance systems
  • Claudia the Witch has never worked with the Dark Lord, but considers herself neutral and will join the forces of evil at social events


  • The Dark Lord does not allow any company meetings, picnics, birthday parties, or other events on Wednesdays. This is definitely important information for future plans to thwart him and has been dutifully written down.6
  • According to some members of the thieves guild, the Dark Lord's name is Chris, the same Chris of the Chris Must holiday.7

  • The Dark Lord's evil acts including regularly stealing eggs from out under chickens.8
  • It is unknown who voices the Dark Lord on the podcast.


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