The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards

The Jizzlenob Preparatory School For Young Wizards (also known as Jizzlenob Preparatory Academy for Young Wizards) is for "promising young wizards", though most of the student are not "true" wizards, but rather mortal beings learning magic to become mages, magicians, necromancers, etc.

Students at the school are often allowed to go on adventures as "teaching moments", and this accounts for much of the death rate of children attending the school.1

School houses

Students at Jizzlenob are sorted in to one of four houses when they arrive at the age of eleven, which largely defines the course of their education, as well what is expected of them of personality-wise.2

They are:

  • House Dingledong — where students (largely from established magical families) are encouraged to be cunning, amoral, ambitious, and act in self-interest. The other houses unfairly consider this "evil" and the students of Dingledong are largely alienated from the other students. The Dingledong house crest is a polar bear slicing the neck of a kangaroo from behind. Schnenessa and Snaken Freshgrave are members of House Dingledong.
  • House Roaringod — where students are encouraged to be brave and noble, though they are also considered "kinda dickheads" and often pop their collars. Its crest is a tiger punching a very mean kangaroo. Patmat Winkleshtain, "the boy who gived", is a member of House Roaringod.
  • House Camelto — where students who are considered "sweet" are collected. Their interests include snacks. Camelto's crest is a camel eating a kangaroo. Twosidore has a nephew at Jizzlenob named Dedric Criggory who is a member of Camelto.
  • House Chirpinbird — where know-it-all students are sent. The crest of Chirpinbird is an owl reading an encyclopedia (the entry it is reading is about a kangaroo). Usidore never attended Jizzlenob, but took the placement test for fun and would have been a match for Chirpinbird.

Jizzlenob grounds

The school has a stables, which houses horses, pegasi, and griffins. The teacher's lounge is referred to as The Professors Wardrobe. There is a post office, where large wolves with bat wings deliver messages, and a great communal dining, staffed by kitchen weasels. Dungeons remain from the castles days as an ancient fortress; Can leaves them accessible so children can learn lessons.3

The library is overseen by a wooden statue, a literal (Figure)Head Librarian, but it does telepathically communicate with staff to direct library maintenance.

Deep beneath the school, there is a secret compartment. Inside, there is a serpent with a giraffe's face who can answer any question, but if it is let loose it will go on a killing rampage. The most famous victim of the secret compartment is "The Boy Who Died", Frizznap Tingle.

There is also a room called The Room of Ohlookatthat, which surprises whoever enters by changing its contents.

The school grounds include a statue of Frizznap Tingle, a lake and, to the west, the Kandy Kane forest, so named because it is home to the fugitive murderer Andy Kane. The castle entryway magically includes another forest and lake, in a much better state of upkeep.4



Faculty and other staff at Jizzlenob include:

  • Can the Yellow, founder and headmaster; another version of Can fills the role of Dean
  • Prof. Gourdsguard the Pumpkin-Dragon, Transfiguration Instructor, who can turn carriages into pumpkins, footmen into mice, and makes clothes better
  • Prof. Mallory McKnoboff, Singcantion Instructor, who teaches students to sing their spells and thus reduce their reliance on wands
  • Prof. Elroy Topplestar, Instructor of Thinking Happy Thoughts to Slay the Demons that Surround Your Mind, and author of the same
  • Miss Weatherwere, Librarian's Assistant
  • Hornelius the Fintaur, Grounds Keeper
  • Frank, Castle Keeper
  • Numerous Kitchen Weasels




  • Schnenessa and Snaken Freshgrave, talented and evil twins
  • Padmat Winklestain, "the boy who gived"
  • Dedric Ciggory, Chunt's nephew
Simmons, an intense child interested in gathering arcane knowledge
  • Magic Hank, a bastard child of Baron Ragoon
  • Magic Hank XL, a bastard child of Baron Ragoon
  • "Meat", a student with a talent for transfiguring fruit (and perhaps other things) into meat
  • Chad and Beverly, students of House Cameltoe


  • Frizznap Tingle, "The Boy Who Died"


  • Rival wizards' schools include Drumstring and Le Pretty Sticks.
  • In the nearby town of Vander Village, there is a wand shop; bars such as The Dramatic Toad, The Divorced Horse, and The Pregnant Ox; and a candy shop.
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